Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Happy For Others
I am drinking a Glass of red wine at the moment which really does not mean I am tipsy or anything like that. Unfortunately I can drink quite a bit before Anything like that happens. So I would be an expensive date if I were ever to go on a date. Now we all know by now that that wont happen Ever. Anyway I am happy that those who are out and about can do things like date etc. Not that it makes it any easier for me.
I Think
This last Therapy session and the ones coming are going to be quite freeing. Unfortunately I cant share with you whats going on yet. But I feel that I am on average of a breakthrough. I can almost sense it. It is a weird feeling but it is a feeling none the less. Well I hope its a break through for me. More in the understanding of myself realm. That is a clue if you wanted one. I think that to be able to understand who you are is paramount. It is also a very difficult task to take on. never the less it needs to be done.
Being Yourself
It took me awhile to come to terms with this next concept. I think I might have mentioned this before. If I have it bears repeating. Well the first thing that struck me is when I was watching women walk. I know this sounds weird but I decide to study them to see if there was any difference between Males and Females in the way the walk. I came up with this and there is no difference between us. Unless your a run way model. Or your trying to be sexy on purpose. Women walk the same way as men sorry to say. I also realized that you don't have to be camp to be accepted as being female. You also don't have to wear any of the paraphernalia that women wear to be considered as being Trans. So ultimately you are either Trans or your not bar all the trappings of being a female. I think this has been the biggest lesson for me so far. This is a personal thing for and might not be true for others. Either way it makes no difference. As I said you are either Trans or your not.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Another
Another interesting thing is how do you express yourself using the constructs that are in place in your life. Or lets call them lenses if that makes more sense. Do you express yourself solely as one thing or are there variants in your expression. Is your expression influenced by society around you or are you able to express yourself without the stereotypes that are around you influencing your expression. I know that this is a difficult subject and the little that I have said probably does not make too much sense. But it is worthwhile thinking about it. How you express yourself and how it is influenced by your environment and the constructs in your life.
Interesting
So One of the Vlogs had a really interesting topic and I posted one already and that is how would a blind person interpret whether you were Male or Female etc. It definitely got me thinking. Well the only way I can think is that they would try and Identify you by the sound of your voice. They would not know what you look like or how you present. So it would really be the sound of your voice. Beyond that you would have to inform them of your Gender Identity as well as your Sexuality. It would definitely be a new one for non discrimination. For normal people it is based a lot on looks.
Therapy
So I was at My Therapist today and we had a really good Session sorting out a couple of things. it was definitely different from the normal Sessions we have that I can say for certain.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Ultra
At the moment listening to Depeche Mode's album Ultra to be more specific the song Uselink. I just love Depeche Mode amongst other bands. I am just about done watching all My Vlogs. I really do think that Music is a form of escape for me unless it talks about what I am experiencing. Well I cant help if Uselink speaks to me on another level. I am really into Music and consider certain Albums the Soundtrack of my Life. Especially Depeche Mode happens to be a very Important band when it comes to that.
Am
So I am just watching all The Vlogs I subscribe to. Which I have said before help me keep up with whats happening in the Trans World out there since I am stuck. It is quite a big thing for me to keep up. I also need it as a Therapy. (Which reminds me I am going to my weekly Therapy session to morrow. Which I am looking forward to. Since last week My Therapist was on vacation.)
I Am
So at the moment I am having a glass of red wine since I could not post this weekend . I am having a little week end Drinky Poo. lol. Just a little saying lol. No its quite innocent and nothing should be read into it.
Close Call
I had a close call on Friday that is why I did not post anymore on that day. I wanted to but I could not risk it. Unfortunately these things happen. Just as I am not going to be able to post this coming Friday as well. I know but there is nothing I can do about it. It is just one of those things. I wish I could find a way around it but as I have stated before it is just not worth what could happen . So I rather just stay safe that way I don't have to worry out being Outed.
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