Again

So slept late again. Which is a daily thing to do for me. I really am demotivated and just generally slack. The move isn't exactly helping matters either. I am really not in the mood to move. It is such a shlep to have box so much junk. Its been eight years since I last moved. I can tell you this much after this move I wont be moving any time soon at all. You would be surprised as to the amount of stuff you collect. The best way to find out is move then you will find out soon enough how Junk you have collected.

Ok

It worked fancy that. Anyway Yesterday I ran around looking for apple boxes. Went to two places got more from the first than the second one. I am hoping to get some more this week . Why you say I am moving at the second week of Feb. Which is going to be a real pain for I might not be able to post for a couple of months. I know it will be real pain for me. Just don't think I am avoiding posting its just with renovations comes chaos. I will have to have a hardline installed amongst all the other hundred of other things. I warning you in advance so you know why I disappear for a very long while.

Damn

The Internet is really slow at the moment. I am even lucky to have made it so far that is to write a post lets see if it will post.

Well

To say the least. I am doing better than I was yesterday. It's almost as it never happened. It's probably I had a nice long sleep well a lie in today. If I am really stressed then I tend to want to sleep or just lie down. It's the way I cope I suppose. Other people cope in different ways each to their own. I just happen to sleep a lot

Can't

Was a bit Emotional last night. Just could not stop crying. The day had been quite stressful and just too much for me. This really does not happen very often. But I can get a bit emotional. Even movies or Tv can make me emotional dependent on whats on. If it is really sad then I am in trouble. So it was not the Tv that made me cry it was just a stressful day all in all.

Feeling

I am feeling just a little bit better today not much but just a little bit better. The thing is still the same as I said there is nothing I can do about it. Still it does not make it any easier on me. It is going to take a lot to get over the thing. No I can not mention what it is. Since it is very personal.

Music

If I ever want to get in touch with myself I listen to Music especially Placebo. I know it sounds drastic but its when your feeling out of it you will need something to bring you back from whatever your going through, I am not saying that is a fail safe way of getting rid of whatever your going through. It just brings you around especially if you relate  to the music and lyrics. Well it works for me. You must have something that works for you.

Numb

I am just a little bit Numb today. Ok make that a little bit more than just a little bit. Some things have jst got to me and it will be awhile before I can process them. I think at best we can only take so much before either imploding or simply just shutting down. I normally just Shutdown. There is just so much that the Meds can do the rest i have to handle myself. It's amazing but we are essentially alone and have to deal with whatever by Ourselves, Nobody can feel for you or go through things for you. Well that's an obvious. The interesting thing is that for me it always happens in three's. That is things that go wrong.

Believe

Can you believe its April already. The time is just flying. It is frightening how the years just fly past. I don't really want to get too serious here. But damn so many things could  have been done. So many lost opportunities.

Meds

So I am watching theses Vlogs which I cant Post because of Bloody You Tube. Anyway they are those ones where T Girls go on about which HRT Meds they are taking like 4 mg's of this and 8 mg's of this and 100 mg's of that. If they saw the amount of Meds I have to take just to keep me sane they would collapse. Its just goes to show how much stress you undergo being in the Closet. What can I say. Go Figure. HRT is gonna be a breeze for me. lol

You Tube

So I am really having a hassle with You Tube at the moment  Which is really aggravating  It wont allow me to post Clips from You Tube to Blogger. The space where the Clip should be is Blank when wanting to Post it and so therefore its blank when you Post it. As per usual there really is no way of getting through to someone that I am having this hassle with You Tube. Since they only have Help Forums which is not even themselves. But Bloody users like Myself. Sorry for the Japanese. lol. So it takes creativity from my Blog since I cant add to the Posts that I write Myself.. Scccreeeaamm.

Dang

I just cant get over how fast these weeks are flying by so fast. For instance its two sleeps before my Me Time. Which is crazy. Then before you know it, it will be over and will on Hump Day and yet another week will be half finished  Help save me from these fast moving weeks. For all you know it will the Festive Season again. Dang.

Frustration

My Computer is still giving me hassles. Well for the moment its working. Cant say for how long. At least I am able to post for the moment. Nothing like having things fall apart on you.

At Last

I have been having major problems with My Computer hence the late Post. I am hoping that tomorrow wont be a repeat of today. Nothing worse than not being able to access the Net. Just goes to show just how much we rely on it.

Still

So I still have the Construction going on around me. Which i wish would end. You know it always feels like it drags on and on. Plus the mess the area is because of the construction, Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Stress 2

I think more importantly its the chance of being found out. Then everything you have being doing comes out.its like finding out that the person you know is all based on a lie. Which in of itself is Soul Destroying. I really just wish that it could be easier. I think that very slowly things are beginning to change. Where people of a very young age are given a chance to develop without the normal stereotypes. For others its just too late. So in the end there are those stuck and will always be stuck. Plus there are those that can Flourish, I suppose that certain Places are better or more Tolerant of differences. Can you imagine being Trans in some of these really intolerant Countries. Quite a few come to mind. I don't want to mention the countries by name. Just now I start receiving death-threats. LOL. As if there are so many people that read this Blog for me to be noticed by Fundamentalist groups.

Stress

It's quite hard to balance the need for Secrecy and then also on the other side your deceiving People. There really is no easy way to move forward. It really can tear you in two. Deception at the best of times is exhausting. Some times you wonder if it is all worth it in the end?????

Back for Now

You will have to forgive me. I had a Crisis and still having one at the moment. This will not be the first time I have deleted this Blog. Only those that are in the Closet will understand what we go through. Even as I type this Post I feel physically sick. More than likely those that were following this Blog have moved on never the Less. That's Life.

Sometimes

If you do become Stressed then yo need a Place to retreat to. Mine is Music. Think of it as a Cleaning Detergent. lol

Stressed

Just a bit. I need a vac. lol. Well I have a two day Vac coming up next week. Well I suppose its better than nothing. Right. Dealing with some people is just draining. Especially when you have to phone suppliers to get the thing that you bought to work. Well the first one I simply returned for. I was just not in the mood to deal with all The Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. You know when dealing with support. They every reason under the sun. Except to be able to exaltation why it did not work as it should. You don't pay to have to figure out why the thing does not work. Well anyway I got another Brand and will never buy the first one again.