Russia's LGBT Community

I watched this Vlog where there was Choral music in the background and where in different cities around the world people were signing large cards in support of the LGBT community in Russia because of the problems they are experiencing because of the government. In the front of the card was written To Russia With Gay Love. It was a very touching Vlog which brought tears to my eyes. Pity I could not post it.

Downer

Talk about a Downer even the last Post I posted has got me a bit Depressed. Unfortunately its all too real. Well I would say that for last two weeks I have been a bit Down. I do know that for a fact that in the this particular Month out of all the Months of the year People find it the hardest to get through. For One reason it reminds them of just how lonely their existence is. I know that this is a bit of a Downer.
If your alone this festive Season try to find someone to connect to even if its a forum( Now not just any Chat forum be careful there because there are a lot of Trolls just looking for Lonely or Vulnerable T Girls. There is a link under Trans resources on My Blog if your looking for one. Unfortunately its English. (Well you know what I mean I don't know of any good Ones that are in Different Languages)

Are you Kidding Me

Before I deleted this Blog recently for the second time. I have to say it was rocking when it came to views. Now that I am back and under going a Crisis. It has virtually come to a stand still. I did say before that that does not affect me. Since this Blog is more about Therapy than anything else. No I am serious my Therapist said I should do One. So here we are doing my Therapy. So if no one reads it its no big deal. the reason why I mention the rocking part is that I was just dumped by a relative for no apparent reason what so ever. The person sent me a request to join me on my Facebook account. The next thing you know that they have deleted them selves from my account. To such an extent that they don't even respond to my sms's. So go figure. So one moment everything is cool the next dwang gone. It just goes to show how Fickle people are. When the going is good they are around then all of a sudden their sensibilities is offended by whats you did or said. What is more interesting is that you don't even know why they are offended,. Go figure.

Once Again

You will have to forgive me for the next while My posts wont be bright and cheery. I am in a bit of a Fug at the moment. There is a saying that goes like this "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". Which is really true. In my case its "Hope never to be realized cripples the heart". I really don't want to compare to anything because each Persons Pain is unique to them themselves. That's why you must never compare your situation to someone else's. Since everyone deals with situations differently. For we all are different. Well thank goodness for that. I would hate to live in the world where every one is the same.

Often

Often enough we have to withdraw since the struggle of having to stay in The Closet becomes too much to bear. It is Soul Destroying and keeping up with the Blog at a time Like this just take too much out of me. So hence for me to withdraw for a short while. Not to say that I am over My Crisis yet. Just will take a bit longer. maybe sometime in the near Future I will have to go see My Therapist. Yes we Girls do have Melt Downs.

Same Old Thing

It kinda is Soul destroying the repetitive nature of Life. Going through the Hum Drum over and over again. Just hoping that something will change. What we are supposed to do I don't know. Otherwise I wouldn't be expressing this. It does suck to be in The Closet. it does take a lot of Energy out of you. Consistently Lying, Hiding things that you do and have. Ok I am allowed to Gripe once in Awhile. If only I could win the Lotto. lol

Trudging On

I was jut wondering how much struggling to stay in the Closet in order to keep the Staus Quo. Diminishes the experience of being Trans. Its like the unattainable goal that if ever reached is no longer what it was made out to be since all the years of struggle have drained all the Sap out of the actuality of it coming to pass. Even to the point that you could even resent the final reality because it does not live up to your expectations. Just a Thought. lol. maybe a little too deep for a weekend me Thinks.

I Know

I was just so mentally exhausted yesterday that I had nothing to post. The previous day I had gone to an event. I normally stick with the Females. But for some strange reason I decide to go show the males up at their own Game. That is being Macho etc. It was more like well you see it doesn't take a rocket Scientist to act all Male.
its what we call putting on a Persona to fool People into thinking your a Normal male. Now ordinarily I just keep quite and say a few things with the Females and pop in to the Male section just so they don't think I am A Fruit. Which they probably think anyway since I don't really fit in with them. Well I Rocked it and felt quite proud of myself at the end of the do. But it left me mentally Exhausted. Since I really hate doing that. So I probably wont do that ever again. Since I proved my Point to Myself.

So

So for all those that know me its been a real tough year. Needless to say that life goes on with or without you. I am not going to get into my Story. All I am going to say is that I am back in the Closet. certainly Traumatic. Its really strange the road our lives take. Nobody could ever predict what it is that happens to them. We haven't the slightest of Ideas.