Lips

Trying

I am trying to find some new music to add to my collection. Since all the stuff I have up till now is quite old. I have not bought anything in awhile. So I am just searching on You Tube for something decent. So at least one day when I do have a bit of spare cash. I can get something. The only thing is I will probably have to order the Music. Since the stuff I am looking at now is not regularly available. Yes I know I am broke that does not mean I cant look right. Lol. Yep that's right I am dreaming again. A Girl can dream cant she.

Believe

Can you believe its April already. The time is just flying. It is frightening how the years just fly past. I don't really want to get too serious here. But damn so many things could  have been done. So many lost opportunities.

Die Neon Die

I were in The Mall today. How unusual you say. What else could I do. Well sorry to say that's what I do. Lol. Anyway I walked past this lingerie shop. They had some mannequins in the window. The Lingerie had these neon colours. Which I hate. I cant wait till they become last seasons colour. It seem that the Neon thing has lasted a couple of seasons already. So much so its becoming boring now. So Die Neon Die. lol

Make Up

Havent

There is one thing I really have not been hung up about and that is Make Up. I haven't gone OMG I should get some make up for I really need it. Not too say that I don't like makeup. For there is so much that can be done with Make up. I have been more hung up about getting the essentials as far as clothes goes. Starting with Underwear. Which I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Well its not like if I were ever be able to come Out that I would not wear Make Up. Well I suppose we all start off somewhere. I just happen to start off with the Underwear thing. Maybe I have a Fetish. Lol.

Yikes

So we were at the Mall today and we were in this one store. It just happened to have some sports Bras on this one stand. So I ventured over to take a peek. While everyone else was doing something else. I had a look at the prices on them. I almost died when I saw the prices. Are you kidding me. What the ............... is these bras made of that they are so bloody expensive. I would have save up for a bloody long time before I could even begin to think about getting one. Its almost as if they are made with Swarovski Crystals. I really am going to have to find a cheaper way of getting some. I thought since I am never going to have boobs. It would be better if I either got a training bra or a sports bra. I ended up deciding on getting a sports bra. After I saw a stunning one.

Awesome

My nails are looking awesome again. I am going to have to cut them again before it becomes too obvious. Such a pity. Just as they are getting to a really good stage I have to get rid of them. Go Figure.

Pucca

How cute is Pucca right!!!!!

Pucca

You Might Not Know

There is just one thing which is cooler than Hello Kitty. Which is Pucca. Not many people are aware of it but its really cool. I even had a Pucca purse at one stage. Which if I'm not wrong is from South Korea. The stuff is so very cute.

The Night's Dawn series by Peter F. Hamilton

New

So I have started a new series of books. Which I am already enjoying. it's the Night's Dawn trilogy by Peter F Hamilton. It's Sci Fi . Which I am really into that and fantasy and I am betting that your like ok we have a Nerd on our hands. Either that or a Geek. Well guilty as charged. Can't get away with it. I have read some of his stuff before and I really love his style. Plus the topics are always very interesting. the other thing that i like is that the series is normally quite big books. There is nothing worse than reading a story that finishes quickly. With these there a number of character that you have to keep track of. So there has been a lot of thought that has gone into it.

Wandering

So I wandered around the Mall today not there is much happening. Kinda boring. Didn't really do anything interesting. Nothing Interesting to write home about. Now this is a post that everyone should read for it will brighten up your day. I suppose its one of those days where everything comes to a halt.

Looking

So I am looking at some stuff on The Internet. Well remember I am just looking. Its not like I am going to get anything. It would be really interesting. What would I put as an address. Have then deliver it our home. Lol. That would be really funny. NOT.

Amanda Lepore

Have You Ever

Have you Ever looked yourself up on Google. I did a number of times. So I put Stasya Doll and pressed search and it My Blog, My Face Book, My Pinterest and My Posts. Not that I do anything with My Pinterest anymore I just finding boring collecting stuff. its like Scrap Booking. Which just ain't me. I am not the type to sit around doing stuff like that. I would rather be Blogging, watch a Movie, read a Book, Listening to Music etc, than be Scrap Booking on the net. Even though I find Myself in the search it does not really make me into anyone. Its not like I am famous or anything. Lol. I mean I only have One Follower. Lol. She is a very good friend of Mine.

It Suddenly

I was in a mall looking at all the variety and shapes of women and how they carried themselves. It suddenly occurred to me that you don't have to be a Supermodel to feel yourself. (Not Like That silly) Lol. Its just that some are aware of there sexuality and some are not and you can see it in the way they carry themselves. I have seen it before but this time I was actually looking to see the differences. Which is very interesting to me. How does this apply to us you May ask. Well if your in touch with yourself and love or respect yourself You will carry yourself in a certain way. So its not determined by the way you look. it has more to do with how you see yourself. if you don't think much of yourself then it will reflect in the way you dress and carry yourself. I tell you next time in a Mall just observe and you will see what I am talking about.

Checking

I keep checking Face Book to see if two of My Girlfriends are still around. For its been a long long time since I have heard from them. Which kinda makes me worry a bit. But I'm used to it by now. It just does not make it any easier. I suppose that every one has a life and people get busy trying to survive. Then certain things fall to the wayside. Which is a pity but it happens. So then that's that.

Throb Collection by Illamasqua

Necklace

So I dug up a necklace that I bought sometime long long ago. Its made of velvet cord. Its  a little bit bigger than a choker. So it will pass I hope and all I need now is to find a pendant to put onto it. it will have to be one of those sitting on the fence type. I am pretty muck picky so it will take a long while to find one. Not too mention the Money issue. It all ways fascinates me when I am Broke. For My choices are very limited and I have to pick stuff I really want as opposed to just any junk for the sake of just having it. Moving to the extremely long sentences again. Lol. So lets see how this goes down. Its always is interesting to see what I can get away with. Somethings are just pretty obvious  Like I would never get away with painting My nails. That's just too obvious. I don't think that the necklace will be a hassle. Then again you never know. its a crazy world that we live in. Lol

Mini Me Time

So I Finished my Bottle of Red Wine last night. Which was nice. Remember that a bottle is really only 3 to 4 glasses of Wine. Which is not much. I did however add a bit of Vodka to the one glass. Which proved to be really nasty by the way. Each time I took a sip it sent shivers down my body and a shaking of the Head. (You know what I mean) Lol. While doing that I watched  two Of the Series that I follow on the Box. The one specifically I watch as a staple every day. I just cant miss one episode. If I do I go into withdrawal. After that I read some of mt Book which I am really beginning to enjoy. So I ended going to bed quite late. I overslept today because of last Night. Lol. It takes a bit out of the Girl. Cant always be partying and not paying the Price. Once again Lol. I think I might be having some Me Times in April. Well I hope so. Well I am not really prepared for them if I do. I will have to try save Money which is scarce.

Jodie Harsh (Drag Queen)

Rooting

So How much better would it be if we had some one rooting for us in our corner. It makes it so much easier to move forward when your Out by knowing that you have people rooting for you. Willing you to succeed. If I could just find one person to root for me. Even knowing that I will never be able to come Out. It would make things a lot easier knowing that there is a someone.

So

I am back from My Session today. I will have to say that today's Session was very interesting all in all. A lot of things came up from one topic I took in with me. It's a pity I cant share them with you since they were very eye opening. Unlike most of my other Sessions would either be heavy in regards to Emotions or not so.This one today was more about stuff behind the scene that we are often not very aware of. It could very well be the stuff that lurks in the Subconscious.

Thought

I thoughted about a subject I have spoken about before. It was more like a penny that dropped. it goes something like this. Just because someone is Trans is does not necessarily make them a good person. The same goes for many things. but sometimes we have these thought when entering into a new Sub Culture. Everything is Airy Fairy and we are just so excited about being out and about. Well that counts for those that are Out and about. That we lose our common sense. But the thought goes beyond that  Not only is it difficult to find genuine people but then you have to find someone that has the same interests as you do. Which makes it even more difficult. Well all of this goes without saying . You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Its just we lose sight of that sometimes. Well sometimes a lot is dependent on how much we are stuck in the euphoria thing. Just to make things a little more difficult.

Small

So tomorrow night I will have a mini Me Time. More than likely just relax. Wont really get up to anything crazy. Might get a bottle of red wine nothing More. I am still thinking about whether I should get a Dvd or not. More than likely not. Well I am feeling a bit lazy at the moment. That's probably why I say I wont. Then again I don't think there is anything worthwhile to watch that is out on Dvd now.

Therapy

So I will be seeing My Therapist tomorrow. Which as you know by now is the normal weekly visit. So really nothing out of the ordinary.

Back Are I

Well I hope you didn't miss me too much. Time flies so much so it does not even feel like I was away at all. Well back to posting.

Trans Emblem

Hello Kitty

Forgot

I was at a Mall last night. One of those that is far away. Anyway they have a Hello Kitty store there which is really funky. It is all the original stuff and not Knock Off's. Unfortunately they were closed. So we could only look through the Window. So there's that.

Just Because

Even my spelling is suffering at the moment. What hit me the other day. Not that I did not know it before. Still it was just fresher this time. If any of that makes sense. Is that irrespective of whether you Transition or not it really does not change who you are. I know its an obvious but I think that some T Girls dream a bit too much about the Journey and forget that its not a magic wand that will make your problems go away. ( That has to be the longest sentence ever) Yep it bears repeating. I even live in a la la land when it comes to my Journey. I fantasize about how I could look if it were to happen. Well with a lot of help from Plastic Surgery. lol. Well I have to have something to Dream about Right. of Course don't we all.

Tired

I don't why but when I woke up this morning I still felt Tired. Almost like I could just go back to Bed and sleep for another bit. I will try to get a nap later in the day just so that I can wake up properly. For at the moment I wandering around like I am in a Haze.

Notice

So please remember that from tomorrow till Sunday I will be away. I might be back on time on Sunday to do a post. If not then it will be on Monday for sure.

Alone

This comes up every now and then. It is a subject I address quite often for it is a feature of being Closeted. This too is responsible for some of the Depression we go through. I really cant quantify it or even give it a score as far as percentages go. I think it has more to do with the fact that we really have no one to share it with. That is both the fact the that your in the Closet plus the fact you have no one to Relate to. That also is in person. Its quite easy to find someone well actually its, not online that can relate. I could just be talking around in circles for all I know. lol. Well it really does not make anything easier at the end of the day. Since you really have to be your own best friend as well as confidant . Well you try doing that when your Depressed.

Aaaaaggghhhh

So I tried one of those DIY Cappuccinos. This time the red and green bean one. Unfortunately the box has been bought already. It was not that great and I have had to add sugar and coffee to it. Even then it is still not that great. Well I'm sure you have guessed by now that I love Cappuccinos. Especially the ones you get at the resatraunt or at a coffee shop. I like it when it has that strong Medicinal flavor to it. ( Or is it not flavour Damn this Blogger spelling thing it sometimes does not even recognize the words I put in.) Only thing you have to watch for is the strong coffee breath afterwards. That's why most people ask for a glass of water. I personally like to savour the flavour long after the Cupa. Plus that's what mints are for. Or am I mistaken. lol

Return

So I am back from My Therapy. Which was ok this week. We kinda picked up where we left last week. It was not as intense as last weeks Therapy Session. Even though I am tired from it. Go Figure. Now I just had and idea as I was typing for my next weeks session. The trick will be if I can remember it.

Today

So Today is my Session with the Therapist. Which for some reason I not really looking forward to. I don't know why. Maybe because its too much like work. lol. No Jokes it can be draining. Just remember its supposed to be about me being Depressed. But it really is about my being a T Girl which no one knows about. Except for the Therapist. Well we also deal with other stuff but at the end of the day its all connected.

I Know

I know I have been going on about it for awhile yet nothing has changed. I still can not post from You Tube. Which makes me Sad. So I can not post all the awesome stuff I find. Sssscccreeeeaaammmmmm. Even if I posted to You Tub I still would not be able to post to my Blog. Which in of itself is absurd. Ok No I am not going to Post to You Tube.

Cupa

Just had one of those DIY Cappucinos. You know those ones that comes in little packets with dry ingredients and you mix it with water. No where near nice as the real thing. Well what can I say a Girl cant be choosy. That and two buns. That was breakfast. Dont normally do that. I normally have cereal for breakfast. I try to to not eat too much during the day. Not that I am trying to starve myself. I have never really been a breakfast type of person. My first meal would be at about 10 in the morning. Then its all the way to supper. Which is about 6 in the evening. Now you know my eating habits. i am sure you feel that much closer too me. lol. Only Kidding.

Not Bad

So I was at gym earlier and it was not bad today. Unfortunately I have gained a bit. Which is a bit bizarre if you ask me. I am supposed to be losing. Not gaining. Of all the things to happen a Girl. .............  .......... . Once again you can fill in the gaps with which ever words takes your fancy. So i tried one of the new T Shirts that I have for Gym. A little tight but other than that a good fit. So I am going to get rid the old Sad ones.

Blaaah Blaaaah

lol. So I have been having connection problems with my Internet. Supposedly they are looking into it. Yesterday was a real bust since I could only post once and then couldn't get back into it. So for the moment it seems to be ok. Who knows how long this will last. I really wish I could have a year where I don't have hassles with my internet connection. Well up until now. No Luck

Mall Bunny

So I was running around the Malls today. Saw something I kinda liked. Noting fantastic. But I did not get it. I don't know if you remember I said awhile ago that I have too much stuff at the moment. So the T Shirts will be replacing Old Ones. I really do not have the room for anything new. Actually I don't really need anything new at the Moment. So If  I get something new it must replace something old. Oh what I neglected to say is that my cupboard is way small. So it does make for having a lot of anything at any stage. Maybe its a good thing.

New

Do not go Woop yet. So we just came back from the Mall. Where I had some new T shirts Bought for me. I needed some new ones for the Gym. Cause the ones that I now have are very tired. So there nothing fancy about them at all. They are just plain and very cheap. The kinda ones if you get a hole on them you can throw them away. No I'm serious they are that cheap. There is no ways I'm going to wear anything fancy to gym. I am certainly not trying to impress anyone. lol

Just

Just had this weird error message from Blogger. Like I know what to do. What I cant still do is post Vlogs from You Tube to Blogger. Which is really irritating.

Still

Still stuck on the Sports Bra. Save,save. lol. Its amazing how we become fixated by things. Until the next best thing comes along. Which might be even better than the damn Sports bra and then we will be fixating on that whatever it might. So I wander what the next thing would be. Shall we take votes.  lol. We could start abetting system. No I'm just kidding. I would lose every time. lol.

Notice

I am warning you in advance I will be away next weekend for two to three days. So I wont be posting on those days. I think it will be the 22,23 and the 24 of March. I might be able to squeeze one in before I leave on the 22nd and might be able to squeeze one on the 25th. lets just see how it goes. So if at all possible it might be one day at the minimum or three days at the Max. Which is not a Train Smash. Well at least I think so. So no need to be concerned. I will notify you again closer to the time. I am Sorry to those that follow.

I Want

So I saw this sports bra on the Tv. It was red with black trim and white. It was super cool. So me wants me one. lol. The only thing as per usual is that I am not going to find the exact one. Possibly not even close. That's the problem you always see these cool things on Tv or in mag. Then you think me must get that. But you never get it. Its almost as if they do it on purpose. Make you go into the Store ans end up coming out with something that is not even close. Those damn Marketing People. Only thing is I am completely broke and its going to take a long time of saving before I can get one. Damn.

Muzak

So I watching Vlog right. Its a Slide show of this T Girl's photo portfolio. Well that's not the Thing. The thing is that there is a song playing while your watching the Slide Show which awesome. But there is no mention as to what the song is or even the Band. Don't you just hate that. Well I will add it the heap with all the Songs I have liked but will never get to know who the Bands are or even the Songs names. Blaah.

I Are Lazy

Damn. I was supposed to got to Gym today. But I am lazy so I decide to give it a skip. Which I have to stop before it becomes a thing  It's very easy for something to become a habit. So I have to watch it so that I don't do this too often. I think its quite amazing how the mind just goes Ok no Gym today and moves on. It does even give it a second thought. lol. I actually thinks it's the body that goes stuff this I am not going to Gym today. lol.

Fantasy

Ok we all have fantasy's about how we want to look. This is a bit different. This is the one you have without looking in the mirror. The way you perceive yourself. You recognize the way you look. Yet as I said your perception is different. That's why when you look in the Mirror your shocked into reality. Do you have a clear idea of what you look like. Could you describe the look to a Plastic Surgeon. Could you get close enough to it. Now there are some T Girls like the way look or love the way they look. Then there are those who don't.

Return

So I have just come back from the Doctors. I did however have the other session with the Therapist toady as well. Well firstly the session with the Doctor went well. So for the moment the Meds are doing there work maybe about 75 percent. Well to some extent I still get depressed maybe not as bad as I use to. Then again it does go around in phases. The Session with the Therapist (psychologist) was quite fruitful toady since it was close to the last one and we could Pick up where we left off last time. Well kinda sort of. Fortunately the Doctor and the Therapist are in the same area. So I don't have to do too much travelling. Lucky Fish. lol

Still

I am still trying to Post vlogs etc from You Tube but there is nothing happening. Even with mt Tumblr account which is only Vlogs I cant post anything. Which is really frustrating since you cant get hold of anyone to fix it. That's the problem with these types of service. It is really frustrating for I love posting Vlogs etc. Ssscccreaaaammmmmm and again Sssccreaaaammmmmmm. Come guys wake up for heavens sake.

Tomorrow

I go see Doctor on the Morrow. The last one where I was supposed to see the Doctor was cancelled since the Doctor was sick. Which happens. So I haven't see the Doctor for two months. Well no big deal. What I do want to do is to go and see another Doctor to have My yearly check up. In other words blood tests. I really need to have one done for My Liver to see if its coping with all The Meds I am on. The rest is just the norm Like Sugar and Cholesterol etc. You should really do that at least once a year to see that everything fine. I haven't had any problems thus far.

Back

So I am back to normal whatever that means. Well it means back in The Closet. Until the next Me Time. Which I think there is going to be a One Nighter later in this month. I think around the 29th or somewhere around there. A lot of there's and arounds. lol. Its always a bit of a strain getting back to the Norm after having bee Out for a couple of nights. My Me Times are more like Parties than anything else. That is you follow this Blog You Would know by now.

Return

So I saw My Therapist today. If you remember I still have another session this week which I have to attend. That is because One of previous ones was cancelled. So therefore I have an additional one this week. Well which is cool. I was hoping or One super long session. But it did not work out. So the Session was a good one today. Hopefully I remember where we left off so that we can pick it up from there.

I am Shocked

Every time after I have had a Me Time party. I go through the Posts that I posted the night before. I have to say that even though I am to able to make sense of every thing I a Have Posted. It still shocks me as to what I was Posting. Like where did I come up with that. So there are Many things that influence me at these times. So I normally go off on a rant. Well its even fun for me to go through the Posts the day after. lol. Just bear in mind that some of the comments is either because of a Vlog I have just seen or I am listening to some Music.

This is Not

I really feel for the T Girls that aren't supported by their Governments.  This still is no Joke. I will not become Political. Still bear with me. My Heart Bleeds For These. I Want to see my Sisters free from hipocrosy .We really need to have our Voice heard.

Aids For Medical

I understand that there are Medical Aids that wont cover you for Trans related issues  They really are trying to make money at the end of the day and don't give a damn about you. In a non Socialistic Government this is to be expected. I wish I could help you. I bleed for you. No jokes. Sister I feel your pain.

Reminds

This reminds me of a Movie where you are trying to stay ahead of the establishment. "Cloud Atlas". We are products of the Society around us. Not able to be recognized for our true nature. We have to stay ahead of those who are trying to stay ahead of us. Our very lives are at stake here. We are the closeted Trans Girls trying to stay ahead of the Game. We don't want to be exposed for who we really we are. It is all a subterfuge. what else can it be worth. My Life is in the Balance. Take that you .......

Vices

This a private matter. Who wouldn't want it to be private. So sorry you aint going to find out. Thanks to " Depeche Mode" Love Thieves. lol

Party

So the Party is on its way. My first program starts a bit later. So no need to rush. I was just watching this Vlog where this Androgynous Male was speaking about their Avatars that they had on The Internet. saying that their Avatar was always a boy dressed up as a Girl. In the Games that I have played they have always been a Girl Avatar. It was not even a thought. They were actually talking about whether the Avatar matched the actual person. This got me thinking about the whole Fantasy we have about how we should look as opposed to the reality. Also about the representation we have on the Net. Whether its genuine or not. This goes to the heart of the situation. For me the way I look and my Fantasy does not correlate hence a part of the depression. I would need a lot of Plastic Surgery to look like I feel within. When I talk about a lot of Surgery I mean a lot. I would have to win the Lotto. lol . Talk about Fantasy. Is it not funny that when I have had a couple under the Belt I can express Myself so much better. I really do feel more like Myself when I have had a few. I think its a case of it overriding the Meds I take which is hectic. I have expressed this already. I take a hell of a lot of Meds to keep me going the Depression is that bad. No Jokes. Once again I am listening to Placebo. I just want to be Free. It reminds me Of a song By Queen. Dont expect all My postings to be the same as this one I do not get hammered that often. Sorry it can not happen too often only when I have Me Times.

Tonight

So I have a few things planned for tonight. Not that they are earth shattering. I did not get a DvD for tonight for there is some stuff on Telly (Tv) that is worth watching not that it happens a lot.  Like a whole lot of channels with nothing on. Go figure. There is a new series starting tonight. Anyway to tonight I think I will have me some Vod and Orange Juice. So that will help things along. Wow that takes a lot of planning Telly Vod and Orange and something to Eat. I surprise Myself sometimes .lol

Sorry

All I have had to eat today is a half a packet of Sweets ( Candy). Now there is something to rejoice about. I often don't eat too much during the day. Not that it does anything for my figure. Well as long as we are happy. lol

The Last

So tonight is the last Night for me. last Night I watched some stand Up Comedy which I love. Only if the comedian is really good. Like Eddie Izzard and the likes. So I had a blast with that. Its good for the Soul to have a few laughs. Well especially for me that is. It relieves the Stress. Plus it works the stomach muscles which is a Plus. lol. Like Right I don't think so.

Again

So I did the Gym Thing today. Which was ok since I was not really into it today. It's one of those where you are doing it because it has to be done. But you really don't feel like doing it. Well anyway at least its over with for another day. I have to say that this last weekend went way too fast for me.

I Miss

Dang I miss being able to post from You Tube. I know I have covered this before. but Its really Important to me that I am able to do that. My Blog is Just not the same. Ok this will be the last time I mention it even though its driving me Insane. Some One do something.

Forgive Me

You will have understand That My leanings are not only to one genre of Music but many some times its best described by one than another. In this case its Placebo.

Placebo

I am listening to Placebo at the moment which helps to ease the stress. They are My Fav Bands. On so many levels they have us in mind. Bear in mind that Brian Molko is Androgynous. A Male that looks like  Female. With David Bowie leading on the one Of the Tracks. Talk about Androgynous. We have to go through this phase. We support all those that lean towards the LGBT Family. If you know the history of David Bowie you'll understand.

Meds

So I am watching theses Vlogs which I cant Post because of Bloody You Tube. Anyway they are those ones where T Girls go on about which HRT Meds they are taking like 4 mg's of this and 8 mg's of this and 100 mg's of that. If they saw the amount of Meds I have to take just to keep me sane they would collapse. Its just goes to show how much stress you undergo being in the Closet. What can I say. Go Figure. HRT is gonna be a breeze for me. lol

You Tube

So I am really having a hassle with You Tube at the moment  Which is really aggravating  It wont allow me to post Clips from You Tube to Blogger. The space where the Clip should be is Blank when wanting to Post it and so therefore its blank when you Post it. As per usual there really is no way of getting through to someone that I am having this hassle with You Tube. Since they only have Help Forums which is not even themselves. But Bloody users like Myself. Sorry for the Japanese. lol. So it takes creativity from my Blog since I cant add to the Posts that I write Myself.. Scccreeeaamm.

Sundowner

Just having a little Sun Downer. Well I have never heard of a Sun Upper. So we will stick to the Sun Downer. Had a little wine but was put off by some thing. I just don't even want to think about it. Never the less I am finally having some of my Vodka. Still want my Cider. Cant have too much Vodka because tomorrow is Monday after all. Which sucks. Well at least I will have tomorrow night to myself which will be the last in this Me Time. It flies too fast.

Brunch

So For Brunch I had these Four Cheese and Herb Muffins and Yummy cup of Coffee. The Muffins are really awesome and no I did not make them. They are store bought. I don't have the Muffins on a regular basis it was just a spoil myself kinda treat. The coffee which I don't drink often either was something that just goes with the Muffins. I used to drink Coffee at night which I have stopped. I kinda go through cycles. One moment I love something which lasts a while and then I am off it. Then onto the next thing.

No I Did Not

Well last night was a quite Night. I did not drink since I just did not feel like it. I could have had a couple of Ciders but I did not buy any. lol. I buy vodka and I feel like Cider go figure. So I did not partake of the alcoholic beverage. I watched some Telly, admiring My Nails. Since I had Polish on them. The proceeded to Watch the DvD that I got which was not bad. I did feel a bit depressed when I went to bed. I thought of doing some reading but I decided to go to sleep rather.
Ok so I was Boring. lol

Nails

So I just got done painting my Nails. Sally Hansen's Insta Grip as a base coat and Revlon 270 Stiletto (Black) Nail Polish. Which looks pretty cool. Yes I like Black Nail Polish amongst other. Black has always been my Fav. I had this really Dark blue but it started clotting so I threw it away. I really don't like mixing acetone with the nail polish to make it fluid again. As soon as the Nail polish starts clumping I throw it away.

Bed

So I fell out of Bed this morning at a disrespectful time. lol. Went out and got a DvD. I prefer to hire them. I just don't see why I should buy them since I would never watch them again. It would have to be an awesome movie for me to do that. There are very few movies that I have watched more than once. I think I can count them on my hands. Not too sure if its one or two hands. lol. So there's that. Had frozen store bought pizza for lunch not nearly as good a real one from a Pizza Place. But it was ok for the most part. I am still deciding if I am going to do the vodka thing tonight or not. Its not a definite thing.
I have to say that the blogger spelling thing is a bit wacked. It only recognizes words that are common.

Aaaahhhhh

I really wanted to post this Vlog from You Tube but once again it would not. The second time this happened. I have never had this hassle before. Makes me want to scream. Come on!!!!

Expression

I think that one of the key parts to each human being is that they are able to express who they are without fear of judgement of any kind. take that away the yo are suppressing them As we well know that if some is suppressed then there are naturally consequences. Such as depression, suicidal thoughts, rebellion etc, etc. For us that are stuck in The Closet it definitely has detrimental effects on our psyche. I know this first hand. I am on medication for depression and medication to be able to sleep. Which I do a lot of because of the depression. Which all stems from one source. That is because I am closeted. Nothing more nothing less.
Its vitally important that people are given the space to express themselves and are supported at the same time in the expression.

Got One

I haven't heard from my Girlfriend for quite awhile and then I got an email to say she is doing ok. She will catch up with me sometime when things aren't so busy. She is also Trans and is the only one that I am in contact with. All the others faded into the background which is unfortunate.

Yes I Did

So I saved up a few pennies for this Me Time. I snuk out and bought a bottle of Vodka for this Me Time that starts tomorrow. Fortunately I had just enough for the Vodka. Otherwise I would have to buy some cider or beer. Which is not bad since I love Cider especially the sugary ones. Cant stand the dry types. Never saw the attraction to the dry types of Drinks. I prefer my Drinks to have flavor. So as far as that's concerned I am set. I sound like an Alcoholic. Well if I was able to Party with other real Trannys then I would. But I am closeted so what option do I have. This is the only time I can be myself or let my hair down.

Dang

I just cant get over how fast these weeks are flying by so fast. For instance its two sleeps before my Me Time. Which is crazy. Then before you know it, it will be over and will on Hump Day and yet another week will be half finished  Help save me from these fast moving weeks. For all you know it will the Festive Season again. Dang.

I Tried

I tried to post a Vlog about a Tgirl talking about a similar topic. But for some strange reason the Clip would not Post. Just every now and then You Tube has a hiccup. Well at least I tried.

Fantasy

I cant Imagine anyone not having Dreams or Hope for something. Especially Us T Girls its more common than unusual. What I am referring to is the dissociation that some of us have towards our bodies. It can be extreme Dysphoria or it can be Mild.
So now that we have established that. The type I am referring is when the outside does not match the inside. especially if you perceive yourself to look one way especially your face. Then only to get a nasty shock when you look at yourself in the Mirror. Then only to be told that this is a fantasy and its not based in reality. This could be true of anyone but us T Girls. For we are already defined as being or having GID. If we are classified as being that or having Genders Dysphoria. It automatically explain the Dyshporai towards our body. For we are Women stuck in a Male body. So then us perceiving ourselves to be other than our body that we happen to find ourselves. No longer is a Fantasy but a true reflection of who we are and how we see ourselves. Now I know there are going to be people that disagree about this. I also know what the arguments they will put forward to dispute what I am saying. That is all fair and well. yet at the end of the day They are not Trans and so there fore have no Idea what I am talking about. For they have never experienced it for themselves.

Nails

So my nails are growing like Wild Fire as they always do. What I have done is that I have kept My pinkies or little finger nail the same as a French manicure. The rest I have cut normally. Till now no one has noticed because it just looks like My Nails are all the same. Its kinda like if all look the same except the smallest then the smallest just disappears amongst the sameness. Gosh I hope that makes as much sense to you as it does to me. Anyway I have to file them every now and then so it does not become obvious  So I have been able to get away with this so far. I have not had any strange looks yet. Since its not that noticeable. Its these small things that keep you going. So its my little Secret that I am doing this. lol.  Sounds just like what a kid would say.

Man Are Pigs

So for this Post to make sense you must watch the Vlog below first. What makes me mad is that she to some degree believes that it was not so bad because the Sexual assault could have been worse. Sexual Assault is Sexual Assault no matter what happens. The guy was way out of line and had no right to do what he did and should be prosecuted to the full extent of the Law. He should receive a criminal record as a Sex Offender. No two ways about it. She should really come to understand that she did do nothing to deserve what happened and did not contribute to what happened in any shape or form. My heart goes out to her. I did post most of this in the comments box. Still it makes me mad when these type of things happen. The fact that the guy even thought it was all right to that is bad enough.

20unc06: MTF transsexual transition: needing to make better decisions

Vlogs

I am so thankful that the Vlog traffic has picked up. There was a stage that no one was posting. Which makes fo a bit of blah time. I love the Vlogs. Its like a daily routine and fix. And believe me I need My daily fix. There is more probably because I have subscribed to more. Duh. lol.

Dreams

Well I have to report that the vivid Dream thing did not recur. So it was only the two nights. Damn. lol. It would have been cool if it had. I suppose that if you had them every night it would be like eating chocolate cake everyday. You wouldn't even notice that its cool and plus You would be spoilt. Then the Dreams would just be ordinary. Which would be sad

I Return

So I came back from a Session with my Therapist. I am going to postpone my extra Session to next week. So there's that. Had quite an intense session today. Probably pick up where we left off next week. That is if I remember to bring up the same topic. Because the topics are left up to me to choose. That way we can deal with what ever I going through at the moment. Or when I have something in mind. I have to say that sessions in general can take a lot out of you especially when it touches on sore points. Well it makes sens that it does.

Dreams

I have been having these really vivid Dreams lately. Not too sure why. Even though they are entertaining. Its like renting a DvD. lol. the past two nights I have had them. Lets see if they recur tonight.

So Yes

There is the Me Time Coming up at the end of this week. Which is something to look forward. Did you see what I just did. I pretty much wished the whole  week away. lol. Anyway if I am feeling anything like I am feeling now its going to be a very quite Me Time. I just kinda feel a bit weird at the moment  I cant put my finger on it. I just know that I am not my normal self and haven't been since Friday. Hopefully it blows over soon. If not then I have to kinda pin point what it is that is causing me to feel like this.

First Thing

So this morning early my Therapist phoned me to schedule two sessions for me this week. The second one is because I missed out on the one from last week. The only thing now is that the one session was enough for the week now I have to fill two sessions this week. What can you do its the way things work out I suppose. it would have been better to have one long session. Well that's my thought on it. I think I might get the second one moved to next week. Hopefully My Therapist is open to it. Well I am glad the Therapist phoned first thing this morning. One thing less to worry about. Not that it was a major concern.

Answer

I am not to sure how to answer the question that was posed to me.
Firstly the Post below is not of Myself. It is of Michael James (xxmichaeljames) which you will see on the left of this Blog under MAKE UP.
Secondly, I also do not know who you are.
Thirdly, This is not an Art Site its a Personal Blog (Journal) of a Closeted Transgender Girl which is Myself. My name is Stasya.
I hope that these Answers help you.

Pale Foundation Routine - Mac studio fix fluid NW10

Wired

I think I drank to much Coffee. I feel really Wired. I thought it was because I am Tired. It could be a combination of the both. Wired and Tired. Whats worse is since I got home I had some Cola which has probably made me even more Wired. Sheessshhhh.

Interesting

I have been thinking about how long its going to take for My Therapist to realize that I have not been contacted since My Session On this last Thursday was cancelled by My Therapist. So I am Not going to do any contacting just to see how long it takes. No Rush. What I will do is I will collect sessions. So My Therapist owes One already from last week. Maybe I can have a long one this week. Well lets see what happens. Well I was supposed to be contacted on Friday. I just forgot to mention it.

Tired

So yes just another Sunday spent travelling to a very far away Mall. You ask why always so far. Well its like going on Holiday if you go so far to a Mall that is not in your area. Since the atmosphere even the people are different. So if you live in a Conservative area you want to go to a place where its not so Conservative. Hence the need to travel very far. So that's the reason for that. Hence the need to go far. So I am a bit tired actually I am quite a bit tired make that a lot.

Today

Beside the running around which is finished today. It is one of those slow days where you just get to see time go by. Not really a day to do too much more. For now its time to relax. So besides that that will be doing My Blogging unfortunately there aren't too many new Vlogs that have been posted today.

Pizza

Well I had to say something about it. It would not be fair if I did not. I had some really awesome pizza last night. I will say that I love Pizza and its not very often that I get some really good Pizza. Its normally just ok. Except for last night it was awesome. I am sure you feel that much closer to me now that I have shared that with you. lol.

Done

Well I did what I was going to do On this past Wednesday today. I postponed it. For it would work out a lot better if I did it today.So I had to do some running around today. Its one of those things you only have to do once in a very blue moon. Well at least its done now and I don't have to think about it again for a very long time. Which makes me very happy. Coool.

Behind The Scenes of "RU - DUNNIT" ABSOLUT Commercial

I Wish

I really do wish this was next weekend so that I could get ready for My short Me Time. Well its not to be. I will have to wait or next week to disappear before that happens. Then again I should not be wishing My Life away. Still I can't wait. I will have to start thinking about what I want to do. I think I will have to see if thee is any DvD's I want to watch. Obviously the DvD's That I cant watch when others are around. I might watch "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" again. Maybe not. Time will tell.

No Go

I  was going to go to Gym today. Except I had an excuse that I was waiting for someone to Skype me. Yeah right. WE all have our Lazy days. No big Deal. I know the excuse does not really hold water with me either. I am Just not wanting to go today. I am allowed to decide that. Its a Girls prerogative. Even if it isn't I will insist that it is. No really someone is supposed to Skype me that part I did not make up.