Party

So the Party is on its way. My first program starts a bit later. So no need to rush. I was just watching this Vlog where this Androgynous Male was speaking about their Avatars that they had on The Internet. saying that their Avatar was always a boy dressed up as a Girl. In the Games that I have played they have always been a Girl Avatar. It was not even a thought. They were actually talking about whether the Avatar matched the actual person. This got me thinking about the whole Fantasy we have about how we should look as opposed to the reality. Also about the representation we have on the Net. Whether its genuine or not. This goes to the heart of the situation. For me the way I look and my Fantasy does not correlate hence a part of the depression. I would need a lot of Plastic Surgery to look like I feel within. When I talk about a lot of Surgery I mean a lot. I would have to win the Lotto. lol . Talk about Fantasy. Is it not funny that when I have had a couple under the Belt I can express Myself so much better. I really do feel more like Myself when I have had a few. I think its a case of it overriding the Meds I take which is hectic. I have expressed this already. I take a hell of a lot of Meds to keep me going the Depression is that bad. No Jokes. Once again I am listening to Placebo. I just want to be Free. It reminds me Of a song By Queen. Dont expect all My postings to be the same as this one I do not get hammered that often. Sorry it can not happen too often only when I have Me Times.