Wait

So I saw the Doctor yesterday. I had to wait Three Hours before I even saw the guy. Plus there was a Mother and her child there. The child just could not sit still and kept bugging its mother. We are talking about a Ten Year Old. So that was an exercise in practicing Patience. Or trying not to fall asleep I don't know which one. lol.

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go have a check up at a Doctor. It is important that you do it. Just as much as you need to service your car so you must make sure that everything is in working order. Must say that I spend quite a lot of time seeing Doctors for one or another Reason. They should just give me my own room so that I can just move in. It would makes things a lot simpler. lol.

All Types

I suppose that looking at a Blog is done in a number of ways. The most commonly used is the Snapshot type. What I mean by that is you only look at postings that interest you. As opposed to a follower that read each and every Post. These are more common types of  perusing Blogs. There are Vloggers that I follow and I try to watch all of there posts if I could just get them in sequence. i prefer to see every from the beginning to the end. This way you travel along with the Vlogger as they move through Life. I suppose It takes all types. Plus we all have our personal preferences.

Transgender Awareness!

Home

Nomads put up tent where ever their needs are met. It would not make sense to pitch your tent where there is nothing around for thousands of Miles. The Camels need to eat and drink water just as much as there Human counterparts have needs. So now that we have that established. Mentally where does a Closeted T Girl pitch her Tent. Where is Home.

Try To Hold On

It will get difficult every now and then. Well more than every now and then. We just have to try and hold on. Find something that will help you keep your sanity. For me its doing this Blog and going through Vlogs that I find on YouTube. Maybe a few other things but they don't stand out.
Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Really it can get tough. Trust Me. Sometimes you just want Scream. When I say Scream I mean really Scream.

Mirror

So we all know the Fairy Tale with "Mirror Mirror on the Wall who is the Fairest of them all"  we all know what it is like to look in the Mirror only to see that the person That is looking back is not us. We also know that the Image of ourselves and eve ho we feel about ourselves does not match the way We Present. This is all well known by People that are Trans. I was thinking if someone where to Come Out and go on the road  to Transition. What if the final result that they see is not anything like they had imagined. I am sure it happens a lot. That's where Plastic Surgery comes in for those that can afford. What about those that cannot afford Facial Feminisation.  So to some extent Life can be quite Cruel. I would suppose that these people might not want Transition for that very reason. This is quite often on my Mind.

Red Wine

So I am at the Red Wine again. Which is a weekend staple. Well at least there are some things I can enjoy irrespective of whether I am closeted. these are the small pleasures of life. No Red Wine is not the only thing I drink. the one thing I don't like and that  is Cane and Gin. It tastes like Paint Thinners. I suppose that their are those that do and that is no big deal. Its just a personal preference. Cocktails are really awesome if done correctly.

Watching

I have so many labels that sometimes I am not sure which ones to use. So i make another One. That just adds to the long list being created. Eventually all I Will have is a huge list instead of a blog. lol
So I am watching one of the Boys from Androgenetics going through their Life Story. So its interesting seeing what others are going through and where they come from. It always allow us to view the person with a bit more Insight. Rather than just a Talking head.

Waiting

So I sent a T Girl that I found on the net a message for her to contact me. Well I have been aware of her for quite awhile. Not that means anything. Its like saying I sent Ana Mancini a message and I'm waiting for her to respond. If you have a Channel on You Tube you must have hundreds of people wanting to connect with yourself.
Anyway so I have been waiting. I suppose its the anticipation which drives you Insane. Its Like waiting for a Bus in the most God Forsaken stretch of Road. Where you haven't seen any cars come by. Even after Awhile you begin to question yourself . Is there really a bus coming . Then again I am dehydrated and hallucinating.
Did I send that message, does she still check her Facebook. Is she just ignoring me. or does this this sound a little to pathetic. Shame poor me Lol.

Closet

So I am back from My Therapist. Still the Sessions are way too short.
I have come to a conclusion. That I have created a alternative Reality to cope with my longing to be Out and functional as a T Girl. Others would say that you are living in your head. I suppose there is many ways to describe being disassociated from Reality and even your body. I think that those that are Out almost forget what it was like to be stuck. I cant say that it is same for every one. That would be a generalization. We all become voyeurs to some degree or other. simply because anything else would be like a constant darkness with no end in sight. I am sure that there of us who committed suicide for some  reason or other.
I personally know of a T Girl that is not allowed to come out and she has already try to commit suicide.  This is no Joke in fact its deadly serious. Actually its quite depressing to say the least. When does end and Get Better.

Tomorrow

I am off to see My Therapist tomorrow which is cool. I always look forward to the session. Unfortunately it goes too fast. You feel like you only got started then its over. I suppose its the same for anything you enjoy. Strange to say that you enjoy Therapy for sometimes it can be quite harrowing. Well for me its a question of being myself in a small time in space. Where I get to say what I feel and the focus is on me. Where else can you be yourself if you have set up camp in the closet. lol.

Thankful

I am really Thankful for all the Vlogs done by T Girls. It makes for a better form of communication than the Blog. Not to say that Blogs don't serve a purpose. Well it allows me to remain anonymous. Although my name is my name and some people in the Trans Family will recognize My name. So to that degree I am sort of Anonymous.
So back to the Vlogs. Its more personal to see and hear the Person who is posting their Vlog. It allows the Viewer more access into the person who is posting the Vlog.

Trans girls like us deserve to love life too

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go and punish My Body at the Gym. Slowly but surely I am increasing the time that I spend there. I want to do an hour at the maximum. At the moment I am only doing Forty Minutes. As I have stated before, I am not a Gym Bunny and just want to look normal. Not bulging in all weird places. It really is the battle against the Flab that I am busy with at the moment. Its going very slowly at the moment since I am not really pushing Myself too hard.