Blogger

I am really having hassles with Blogger at the moment. It is so Freakin Slow its just unbelievable. I was afraid that I would not be able to post. Since the page was not downloading for me to be able to post. Hopefully the next one does not take as long.

Russia

Spare a Thought for the LGBT community in Russia that are having a rough time of it with the Governments Anti Gay Laws. Just cant imagine what it must be like for them.

Thursday

I just can't believe how fast this week is going. It's Thursday already. I am hoping that this coming weekend will be a good one at least. Not to say that all my weekends are bad. I just need a good one for this last week has been stressful as i have mentioned already.

Struggles

I have to say that each day now is an absolute (I want to say Burden but that is the wrong word) Drag. I just can not seem to snap out of it. My Depression is really taking over. I am have no motivation. I am totally disinterested in just about everything. I really need to find away out of My Depression before it becomes worse. Trust me it can get worse much worse. I probably bring this up every now and then since it is all pervasive. I can't not talk about it since it is such a big part of my life.

Can't

Was a bit Emotional last night. Just could not stop crying. The day had been quite stressful and just too much for me. This really does not happen very often. But I can get a bit emotional. Even movies or Tv can make me emotional dependent on whats on. If it is really sad then I am in trouble. So it was not the Tv that made me cry it was just a stressful day all in all.

As Well

I almost forgot that I went to my therapy Session yesterday. I was so focused on the Tattoo that I forgot. I received some good news. Sorry cant share with you it at least made my day. Just as much as having my Tattoo done. So anyway the Session went well considering I had not seen my Therapist since two weeks ago.

So Sad

So I am watching some really great Vlogs which I cont share with you because of Blogger. I have this one new one where the T Girl is really gorgeous you would never know that she is a T Girl. Well good for her. No seriously what about all those that don't pass. I think they outweigh those that do. It is such a pity that there is no way that they can get Plastic surgery covered by either the government or an Insurance. It really comes down to the life of the T Girl will be dramatically changed if she could pass due to Surgery. Whether that would ever be a consideration I don't know. I do know that I could do with some Surgery myself. For the face that is and maybe a few other spots nothing major. lol

Late

So I got home late yesterday from having my Tattoo done. So much though I was really not in the mood to Post any Posts. So Here I am again sorry for not posting. I know that I don't get to post on weekends so I should post each day of the week. Anyway About a third of my Tattoo is finished. I was hoping that more would be finished by now. Well what can you do. So the part that is finished is looking really great I have to say.

Lonely

I am really feeling a bit lonely being stuck in the Closet. The only space I have for Self expression is when I go for Therapy the Therapist knows that I am Trans but that about it. I used to have Trans Girl who used email me but she has stopped and it has been a very long time since she last emailed me. So really there is no one else. It is really lonely and not having someone to talk about issues and just stuff in general. Yes you can have relationships with ordinary people but its not the same as having someone you relate all your Trans stuff to. You almost become your own best friend. Well you are forced to since there is no on else. I suppose it's all the same for everyone that is stuck in some or other Closet.

Feeling

I have to say that I am feeling some what different about being Trans. Maybe it's just that I have mature in the way that I view myself. Well I feel more mature its not such an adventure its more just the stability that I am experiencing.. So I think that on the timeline I would be past my Puberty and teenager years. Well they say you go through two puberties being Trans. Not hormonaly speaking for myself. I think if I were ever to go on hormones it would be three puberties. Since the one is an emotional puberty not a hormonal one. Sometimes I even feel like a Granny since I view all the really Young ones going through the different Angsts that they go through. I don't know how I would cope were I to come out. One never knows.

Today

I have been a bit of A Sloth today since I stayed in bed for quite awhile. I really just did not feel like getting up at all. So there's that.

Again

So it's Monday again. Well that is stating the obvious. On the weekend went out for Breakfast both on Saturday and Sunday. Did not get any Dvd's but was given the first three seasons of the Walking Dead. It is supposed to be good. I don't know much about the series at all. So I suppose there is only one way to find out. The Internet was tragically slow over the weekend which was a pain in the butt. I was trying to watch My Vlogs and it was just not happening at all. Did get to watch some Yes To The Dress last night which was cool.

I Did

I went to Gym today which was quite normal I have to say there were not many Girls there. I am talking about sis girls not trannys. It would be awesome if there were Trannys there but that is not going to happen.

I Would

I forgot to say that My Therapist was not available this last Tuesday. This coming Tuesday I will see the Therapist at a different time just for this coming Tuesday. The sad thing is that in February I am going to have to swap Therapists. I would tell you why but it's a little bit too personnel. I will however say that I am going to miss my current Therapist a lot for this Therapist is really good and gets me. Then I have to start from scratch with the new one well I really don' have a say in the matter. It is what it is. Don't you just hate that saying. lol

Say It

I hate to say it but Blogger is going a little bit Spaz at the moment. I am no too sure how long this is going to go on for. Hopefully not long. Bloody Blogger.