Today

I saw My Therapist today. It went quite well today. Not that it doesn't normally. Just that it was a good session. Just every now and then something clicks. I have got three more sessions until the end of the Year. So the Festive Season slowly but surely it begins to take hold effecting everything.

Last Night

So I got horribly drunk last night so much so that I had to stop the dvd that I was watching and go to bed to sleep off some of My Drunkenness and then I woke up at about 12 and watched both of the videos and got to bed really late so I slept in today. Now that was one hellava sentence without any punctuation  lol It must be as a result of last night. I don't feel too bad today considering how Drunk I was last night. So I watched My Eddie Izzard dvd which was cool.

1 Day Only Of Me Time.

Yep that's right One Day Only and I cant get up too much mischief since I am seeing the Therapist tomorrow. I really don't want be to Hungover for the session since its only once a Week. It would be ok to go to bed late if I knew I could sleep late the next day. So I got another Eddie Izzard dvd which is going to be a Killer. As I have explained before I am a converted Fan. So I am looking forward to since the last One was Awesome and Fantabulas.

Surprise

Bit strange since I posted this already and it disappeared. Anyway I had a pleasant surprise when I opened my Facebook today. I found a message only to discover that it was One Of My Sisters that I had not heard from in awhile. So that was absolutely awesome. My Facebook is under my name Stasya Doll and its for all the Trans People that want to connect with me. Although I am not very active on Facebook at all. I concentrate all my energies on My Blog.

Me Time

So tomorrow I am going to have 1 day of Me time. I only will say that it is a Day if the Day includes a Night. Otherwise its not a Day if it does not include a Night. Well that does not take a Rocket Scientist to figure that one Out. lol. Well let see what I can get up tomorrow.

Awesome

Just every now and then you see something that is awesome. The Pity is that you will never be able to track it down since its just a pic on someones blog which was got from some other source and that from some other resource etc, etc. So all you can do is drool. lol. What am am I referring to this time a Lingerie set which is absolutely Fab. I cant even begin to describe it.
The worst thing is when you do look for it you all kinds that aren't even close to the One You saw. So you always end up settling for Second best. So you have a choice buy them or keep looking. Aaaahhh.

Sleep

So I decided to sleep a little bit into today. Yet I will be going to Gym just now which I have to say sounds strange if you put the two together. So I was sleeping and then decide to go to Gym. lol. Only I could come up with something like that.

Red

I have on my mind for awhile now after having see one sometime ago. Whether it will ever happen is another thing. W hat I am talking about is an A Line summer dress done in Red. I saw one sometime ago in a Mall far from where I live and it has always stuck in my mind. Whether I will ever be able to find one will be another thing. Well what I mean is as close to the Original as possible. Maybe that can be a Project for the New Year unless something else comes up in the mean time. If I did get it, the question would be where would I hide it. Hiding panties and those kinda things is no big deal since they are so small. Hiding a Dress is another thing all together. Well I will have to wrap My Mind around this One.

French

I have been filing my Nails so it looks like the French Style of doing Nails. Unfortunately as I have said before that my Nails grow really quick so I have to keep filling them down so that I don't attract attention. Literally the white of the Nail must be barely visible. Which leaves the corners looking a bit weird. At least I can boast about something and that being My Nails.

Again

So everything remains the same for the moment. That being My Meds. Saw the Doctor today will only see the Doctor in the New Year. Seems that everyone is gearing up for the Festive Season.

Thin

So one thing I am curious about is this. Well I came back from gym just now. No here are all sorts that frequent the Gym. The one I cant figure is these really thin Girls. Which don't really need Gym because they are so Thin. What they do need to do is eat a Cow. Seriously they should weight should be more there focus than Gym. You need something to be there to build it up. I would give My collection of "cant think now of what I would give" but none the less to have their problem would be awesome. Ok now I am not talking about being Anorexic. I am talking about Girls that are naturally thin.

Tomorrow

Yes tomorrow I must go for my fortnightly check in regards to My Meds. Not too sure how much longer it will continue like this. Ordinarily it would be once a month. Well lets see what tomorrow brings.

Angie, transgender teen, 17 years old, NYC, trans

It Gets Better, Jodie Harsh

I Would Really Like to See

I would love to see the Reactions of people if Four Drag Queens were to walk into a Mall and go into a Fancy Restaurant. Sit down have meal etc as anyone else would do. The whole Mall would come to a stand still.Yep, It would be like watching a Film in Slow Motion. Everyone with there Mouths Open standing there aghast. Yep now if I were to Come Out I would be like that. Everyone would Stop and Stare. Forget about what they would say, someone has to shock them out of there Complacency. Plus I would not give a flying Hoot ( or Fig for that matter) what they were to think. ( I like Jodie Harsh's Style) Just like Freddie Mercury from Queen sang "I want to be Free"

I Was

There was something that I was thinking about earlier But it slipped mt Mind. Like you really needed to know that. Oh right it came to me now. Right it was not what I was thinking but an Observation. Now its gonna sound so simple. I was just watching how everyone is all ready gearing up for the Festive Season. You see people with that blank stare running around the Malls. Just like that look when you see them shopping at the last minute. Like I have to get that thing. Well today that's the look I saw on People's faces rushing around the Mall. I Just went there to pick up a few small things. Generally on Weekends you will notice that I am in the Malls a bit more than usual. I don't really go to Malls during the week.

Eddie Izzard on Q TV

Converted

Yes that's right as of now I am a dedicated Fan Of Eddie Izzard. Just cant get enough of Him. I have a one night Me Time coming up this week. Which will probably be the last one of the year. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. ( which is interpreted as a Scream). So on the night I will get another of His Dvds. Which I will watch avidly. I might even get one of those whistles you have Xmas. No I am Kidding.

Laugh

So I have just come back from the Mall. Sent something in to be repaired  So I'm walking down on the Side Walk and put my Foot on this step that happened to have water on it. Well I'm sure you know what comes next. Well needless to say I went flying and fell on My Rear End for others that would be My Bum or Butt. Which really took me by surprise is that someone stopped to ask me If I was OK  While Splayed on the side walk I said to the fellow that I had slipped. Out of this whole affair I took two things away with Me. The First been My Rear End was Sore and Secondly a Restored Belief in mankind  Well not necessarily all but there are a few Good Ones still left. The few that have not become jaded. Good for you keep up the good work.

Back

So I am back from the Therapist. Went Ok still too short the sessions. Before you even get started it has finished.

Day 3 (Half Day) Me Time

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh it goes way too quickly for anyone's liking. So there we go Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh. last few hours of me Time. Then I am back to the restricted Closet for me. I think it will be Awhile before I will have the opportunity Of some length for me Time. Just as normal Holidays go quickly then me Time goes even faster. Last night I was watching a Dvd of "Eddie Izzard" which was Hilarious. At least I had some Comedic Therapy. Didn't really stay up too late since I had to see My Therapist today

Cool

So I almost forgot that I am seeing My Therapist tomorrow. Which in a way is quite Sad for it really marks the last Day of Me Time that is left for Me. Well enough of that let me not belabor the Point. I just cant believe how fast the Weeks are Flying by. In fact this year has flown. Well at least for me it has. I cant even remember how many sessions I have had with this Therapist. You know one those It feels like years yet it has been a short time.

Beth Ditto talks about bullying

Day 2 Of Me Time

So last night was a bit of a Party. Had some Vod and Orange Juice. Was watching a Documentary called "Bully". Just really sad they follow some Kids and have parents of Kids that had committed Suicide due to Bullying. Not that we don't know that it is happening. Its just this way it brings it closer to Home. I have included a Beat Bullying Vlog with Beth Ditto whom I adore.
So today I'm having a rather quite day since I drank bit too much last night. Painted My toenails which I will have to clean off tomorrow since tonight is my last Me Time Night and then it ends tomorrow afternoon all together.
I went and got some McDonalds for Lunch. Which I have to say I enjoyed. I very rarely have McDonalds. So its more of treat for me. I also got Supper and Dvds for to night. Yeah I know it sounds lame. Obviously I cant go out since I might be recognized or found out ( Its not worth all that will happen if I am Outed). So I do my little thing in the widened Closet for the Me Times. Trying to entertain Myself.
So when Me Time is over I get back into My Normal Closet and continue as normal. Then wait for the next me Time so i can sigh a sigh of relief in the small opportunity afforded me.

Day 1 Of Me Time

They used to be Girls vac. Where I went a bit ballistic now its simply me Time. I eventually figured that irrespective of whether you wear Panties put on Make up you are still essentially you. its just the same you just dolled up a little bit. Not that there is anything wrong with dolling up at all. It almost as if to say that doing daily chores you need to get dressed up or even watch Telly you need to have Make Up on. It certainly works for some and there is nothing wrong with that. Whatever floats your boat, so to speak. So essentially I think I will do the usual today maybe get some Dvd's to watch tonight and just relax which I am very good at. lol. Who knows maybe have something to drink. We will se how it goes.

How to Apply Eyeliner

Me Time

So from tomorrow I will be having some Me time. With which I will probably use to relax since I drank way too much booze this Saturday passed. So will avoid that for awhile. its a pity though.

Tread Mill

So I have discovered a new machine at the gym and that is the Tread Mill. I know it sounds a bit weird but  I can assure you its True. In our Gym there are two levels. At the bottom is all the cardio machines and at the top is all the weights and tread Mills. Now before you all or too excited I only walk on the Mill quite fast. I certainly don't run on it. I don't really want to exert Myself like others do. I really don't want to appear all muscle bound. I just want to be normal. So that the reason for all of that.

I Was

I was thinking about something and now I haven't a clue what I was thinking about that's what happens when you run around. My dreams at the moment are really awesome. Only thing is I keep waking up when the Dream is getting really interesting. Why the Heck that happens I have no Idea.
Ok I remembered now its about themes repeating themselves in regards to being Trans and in the Closet. I suppose its not much different for Normal People since they have themes that run through their lives. Except we have those plus the additional stuff that run through our lives. What has been concerning me lately is the difference between the Reality of stuff as opposed to the Fantasy. By Fantasy I mean how you picture yourself in your mind as well as how you see things working Out as opposed to the reality of things. This topic is enough to make anyone Depressed. Unfortunately the difference between the two is Often really huge. This is probably one of the main reasons we suffer from Depression. Every now and then you will see a post that is similar to this since its a topic that really does not go away. Its all to do with Expectations. Unfortunately sometimes our expectations can be often misplaced. Scream it almost be like a nightmare but here there is no release.

Busy

So today has been one of those Busy like a Bee days. With so much to do at least I manged to get it all done.

In the Mall

So I have just come back from running around at the Mall. Something struck which has happened before a number of times. It was simply that a lot of Females aren't really feeling themselves. What I mean about is that they are just slouching around like if they were just cleaning the house. They could be running around in lingerie and it would not make a difference. I can understands Mothers since their Kids run them ragged. yet the rest really have no excuse. I suppose its because their life's are very Mundane and Grey. Well who really Knows what needs to be done for people to feel sexy.

Yesterday

So I wanted to post something for yesterday. That is why I had the Blah Blah posts posted. Well unfortunately I had a lite too much Red wine and was not going to be able to Post Anything. I feel fine so no Hangover or anything. Slept a little bit late today. Could have slept a little bit longer but did not.

Party

Running out of the Door have to go to a Party. Hopefully will back in time top post some more

Me Time

So this coming week I have Two nights Me Time which is so cool. Unfortunately I wont be so stocked up with Party Provisions. lol. Well irrespective I am going to make the most of the opportunity  I prefer the long Ones like Five Days. So I can really get stuck into. A small one does not really allow me to Paint My Nails or anything like that. Never the less I have an Idea to get around that well we will see if it works.

I'm Back

So The Girl is back from her Appointment with her Therapist. Which was an Ok Session. Not all sessions can be Mind Blowing. Some of them can be a real drudge. I don't even know how many I have had with this particular Therapist. Not that that makes any difference. Generally I don't keep score. Its just such a waist of Energy.

On My Way

So getting ready to go see my Therapist. Its been two weeks since I have seen My Therapist. Only thing is I don't get two sessions for the One I missed. lol. So I whipped out My Black Thong with the pretty little bow from My Secret Stash for the occasion. Well a girl has to Doll Up.

How to Put on a Wig

Just For Fun

have you ever decide to do a search on your name in Google or whatever search Engine you use. So I did one today on my Name. Well there is the fact that I'm on Facebook and excerpts from MY Blog. The best one is where a question is posed for  Pinterest. It goes something like this.

"Are you sure you wish to report Stasya ? Report Stasya Doll Report Report & Block Don't report If you block Stasya, you won't be able to Follow each other, ..."

Which I have to say is Hilarious. Yes I am on Pinterest since I was curios about what purpose it served. Well once I did I decided that I would not Pin there only when I am really bored. It really is just a digital version of Scrap booking. So if someone where to Block me for what ever reason which beyond me it really would make any difference. Since this is my Primary source of Expression.

You Tube

So I'm going through all the Vlogs that I want to download while I am at gym. I notice that there is a lot of bad Vlogs whether it be quality,sound, topic etc. So it got me thinking that maybe You Tube should start a rating system. So that we don't waist time on all the ............. out there ( I have left the space open so you can insert the word that best fits the sentence for you. I suppose that its not much different than the Internet where there is a proliferation of .............. ( Here we go again.) lol. It really irks me when you have to wade through all the Shite to get to anything decent specifically when your doing a search. That is on the search engines.

Back

So I'm back from Gym. Wash-ed my Body. getting ready to go Out to meet somebody quite far here. So I am killing time before I go. So I always get Jealous when I go to Gym seeing all those Females running around. And me just stuck. I will say that I have Fab Legs. So at least I can count on that. I just have to work on the rest. My nails are killer.Most Females would die to have nails like I have. They are thick as well as not being brittle. When I  went for a manicure They really did not have much to do. My nail bed is in excellent condition. I am know focusing on my feet. I want them (my toes) to be the same. Unfortunately you cant take them out of your shoes and fiddle with them. Where as with your  fingers you can. Well that goes without saying.

Gym

Getting set to go punish My Body. Well that's how I see Gym. Really cant stand it. But need to do to get into Shape. I am kinda hovering around Two weight One , One Down just cant seem to break the Cycle. The worst part is that the Festive Season is coming up. Where I will probably gain all that I have lost and in the new year and will have to start again. Damn. The never ending battle.

"Please Just Disappear"

I was watching Telly last night and saw this program where they were doing a top 5 list of all the celebs that should just keep quite. Which I thought was really cool. So I thought I would start something similar where we have a "Please Just Disappear" list or dependent on how many would need to disappear  basically its all the people that are annoying and overexposed and we are tired of hearing from them. So on top of My list would be Rihanna and Chris Brown I really would love for them just to vanish, enough now. The next bunch is The Kardashians please just go away we have had enough. Just like Paris Hilton disappeared these need to do the same.We really just don't need to hear any more of their drivel any more. If you like these Stars more Power to you but from my own personal view point I cant say that I do.

Megan Fox Makeup

Sadly

For some strange reason I just began to neglect my Beauty Regime. I have started a new one. Since I notice that most people forget to do their Throats, Chest, Feet and Toes. Then I do my Face. A moisturizer for the eyes and a moisturizer for the face both from Bobby Brown. I used to concentrate on my Face till I thought what else do People see and don't take care of. Those are the ones I have mentioned and lets not forget about the all Important one and that is the Hands. While your moving around in the Malls or Streets look at Peoples Throats and see the difference between that and their Faces. You see more vividly with those that are Older especially Women.

So

 I actually went and had a quick snooze. So feeling better than just now. lol. Go Figure. I just don't like that oooOHH I need to sleep and you fight it. It just does not work. I always wonder if my sounds come across as they should be like oooOH for instance.

Tired 2

For some strange I still feel a bit tired. I really could jump on my Bed and have a snooze or a nap. Whether it was from the Do or its just me feeling tired normally.

Today

So I am back from seeing my Doctor today. All is going well with My Meds which makes for a change. For the time being I am seeing the Doctor every two weeks so that I can be monitored..

Pre Notice NOTICE

So just to Forewarn anybody that is interested. I will be away for 2 and a Half Weeks over December and January. So round about the 23rd will be last post for the year and I should be back roundabout the Tenth of Jan. I will put this notice again closer to the Time and give exact dates as well. So be Forewarned. I do this every year. So the rest of the year I am constantly posting.
This Blog would have been larger but I deleted 2 before this one all under my Name. This one will not be deleted.

Yippie

So at least the The Construction Guys have moved on. So the noise has abated. Which I should throw a Party. cant stand Construction going on around me. Just so bloody noise as well as all the dust and everything. So Yippie I don't have to deal with that any more.

The Moment

So at the Moment I am catching up the Vlogs I missed yesterday. Well I did not download them before I went to Gym. So I doing that now. No I don't save them.

Before

Before the Party we just pop into a Mall. Not really to do any thing specific. Just wasting time before the Bash.  I got three tops which was quite cool. Not that I was looking for anything at the time. So in a sense Malls are quite dangerous for your always seeing something that your Cupboard could do with. I think if you don't really intend on buying anything. Just leave the Cash behind. That way even if you see something you really like you cant buy it.

Tired

So yesterday a friend of the Family had a Birthday Bash. Hence the fact I never posted. Food was good as well as all the rest. Just feeling a bit tired. Kinda like Jet Lag where your Body has not caught up with your Mind.

Cool

So I was flying around the malls today looking for a couple of things. One thing in specific. That is some black pin stripe slacks. which I happened to find. Which was so cool. I have seen one other some time ago but I don't think I will be able to find them again. well you cant always get what you want. So I took the One that I found and will keep my eyes open for another. Besides Black i am looking for A dark Blue one as well Pinstripe definitively.
I also mange to catch out the corner of eye a lingerie set that I thought was fab. obviously I was not able to buy them. These kinds things I have catch a glimpse of. Anything longer than that will attract attention. Now we would not want that.

Depeche Mode - Suffer Well

Night Time Make-up - Golden Smokey Cat Eye

Vlogs

So at the moment I am watching all the Vlogs that I down load while I am at the gym. I normally download a few lets say 5 or 6. Dependent on which Vlogs I think I should watch on a specific day. ( I have to say that the Spell Check can be a Bit dense at times, Just a bit) lol. Anyway I do Love my Vlogs as well as My Bed. Not to say that those are the only things I Love.

Bed

So I was woken up really early by the working crew. The guys that are doing the construction. So I was awake before my Time. So I decide to reward my self with an extra hour in bed. lol. I Love My Bed. Well I suppose there are some you that don't like sleeping in. Well I happen to Love my Sleep. (Remembering I am being treated for Depression)
Huh Depression Yes. You get stuck in The Closet and see what happens. Yes I have things to play with in The Closet but that will never compare to the real thing. Plus I would not be satisfied with the Norm when it comes to being Out. I would one of those Trannies that would revel in the Fact that I am Trans. You would certainly know that I am without me having to tell you. something like Amanda Lepore before she had all the major surgery.

Naughty

So I'm back from Gym. Only thing is I ate half a bar of chocolate. Which is Six rows. Well that depends on how big the bar is. Never the less. (Mint chocolate to be precise. Just love the little bits of crunchy mint in them) It seems that round about now each day I get a craving for a couple of rows of Chocolate. Talk about sabotaging myself. lol. I think its just one of the phases I go through every now and then. I'm sure it will change soon. Well I am hoping that it does. it has to change because I don't want to look like a lump of Chocolate. lol

Spelling

 Thank goodness for spell check and Google. The amount of times I get stuck trying to spell a word. I know the word I know what it means but he spelling eludes me. Well at least I know the word.

Its Ok

So I am still doing the Gym thing. Haven't fallen off anything lately. Which is good for the ego. Very slowly but surely I am beginning to lose some weight. Although it does tend to fluctuate. So just when I think I am doing well it goes up again. I suppose I will just have to press forward. More like Crawl forward.
I did get some pink gym panties awhile back. Unfortunately they are pink which will stick out in the wash. I have worn them once or twice but left it at that. The possibly of being Outed is too great. Just not willing to take a chance. The fact that I have them is enough for me. Hidden somewhere in my cupboard along with all the rest of my Trans Uniform. lol secretly. More like a Snigger.

Still

So I still have the Construction going on around me. Which i wish would end. You know it always feels like it drags on and on. Plus the mess the area is because of the construction, Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Just a bit

I am feeling just a bit depressed at the moment. Plus I wont be able to see my Therapist. The Therapist is taking a long weekend. So I will only be able to see the Therapist the end of next week. Well I will just have to cope unfortunately. So add to that I have workmen doing doing stuff in around us. Which means things are not quite at the moment. So I cant be left in my Misery. When I am like this I prefer to be in a space that is quiet. I suppose you cant always get what you want.

Nails

Yes I had to cut My nails again unfortunately they grow too fast. I think I am going to file them down into a more inconspicuous French look just without the nail polish and hardly any white showing. Which really means they will be square.

Wait

So I saw the Doctor yesterday. I had to wait Three Hours before I even saw the guy. Plus there was a Mother and her child there. The child just could not sit still and kept bugging its mother. We are talking about a Ten Year Old. So that was an exercise in practicing Patience. Or trying not to fall asleep I don't know which one. lol.

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go have a check up at a Doctor. It is important that you do it. Just as much as you need to service your car so you must make sure that everything is in working order. Must say that I spend quite a lot of time seeing Doctors for one or another Reason. They should just give me my own room so that I can just move in. It would makes things a lot simpler. lol.

All Types

I suppose that looking at a Blog is done in a number of ways. The most commonly used is the Snapshot type. What I mean by that is you only look at postings that interest you. As opposed to a follower that read each and every Post. These are more common types of  perusing Blogs. There are Vloggers that I follow and I try to watch all of there posts if I could just get them in sequence. i prefer to see every from the beginning to the end. This way you travel along with the Vlogger as they move through Life. I suppose It takes all types. Plus we all have our personal preferences.

Transgender Awareness!

Home

Nomads put up tent where ever their needs are met. It would not make sense to pitch your tent where there is nothing around for thousands of Miles. The Camels need to eat and drink water just as much as there Human counterparts have needs. So now that we have that established. Mentally where does a Closeted T Girl pitch her Tent. Where is Home.

Try To Hold On

It will get difficult every now and then. Well more than every now and then. We just have to try and hold on. Find something that will help you keep your sanity. For me its doing this Blog and going through Vlogs that I find on YouTube. Maybe a few other things but they don't stand out.
Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Really it can get tough. Trust Me. Sometimes you just want Scream. When I say Scream I mean really Scream.

Mirror

So we all know the Fairy Tale with "Mirror Mirror on the Wall who is the Fairest of them all"  we all know what it is like to look in the Mirror only to see that the person That is looking back is not us. We also know that the Image of ourselves and eve ho we feel about ourselves does not match the way We Present. This is all well known by People that are Trans. I was thinking if someone where to Come Out and go on the road  to Transition. What if the final result that they see is not anything like they had imagined. I am sure it happens a lot. That's where Plastic Surgery comes in for those that can afford. What about those that cannot afford Facial Feminisation.  So to some extent Life can be quite Cruel. I would suppose that these people might not want Transition for that very reason. This is quite often on my Mind.

Red Wine

So I am at the Red Wine again. Which is a weekend staple. Well at least there are some things I can enjoy irrespective of whether I am closeted. these are the small pleasures of life. No Red Wine is not the only thing I drink. the one thing I don't like and that  is Cane and Gin. It tastes like Paint Thinners. I suppose that their are those that do and that is no big deal. Its just a personal preference. Cocktails are really awesome if done correctly.

Watching

I have so many labels that sometimes I am not sure which ones to use. So i make another One. That just adds to the long list being created. Eventually all I Will have is a huge list instead of a blog. lol
So I am watching one of the Boys from Androgenetics going through their Life Story. So its interesting seeing what others are going through and where they come from. It always allow us to view the person with a bit more Insight. Rather than just a Talking head.

Waiting

So I sent a T Girl that I found on the net a message for her to contact me. Well I have been aware of her for quite awhile. Not that means anything. Its like saying I sent Ana Mancini a message and I'm waiting for her to respond. If you have a Channel on You Tube you must have hundreds of people wanting to connect with yourself.
Anyway so I have been waiting. I suppose its the anticipation which drives you Insane. Its Like waiting for a Bus in the most God Forsaken stretch of Road. Where you haven't seen any cars come by. Even after Awhile you begin to question yourself . Is there really a bus coming . Then again I am dehydrated and hallucinating.
Did I send that message, does she still check her Facebook. Is she just ignoring me. or does this this sound a little to pathetic. Shame poor me Lol.

Closet

So I am back from My Therapist. Still the Sessions are way too short.
I have come to a conclusion. That I have created a alternative Reality to cope with my longing to be Out and functional as a T Girl. Others would say that you are living in your head. I suppose there is many ways to describe being disassociated from Reality and even your body. I think that those that are Out almost forget what it was like to be stuck. I cant say that it is same for every one. That would be a generalization. We all become voyeurs to some degree or other. simply because anything else would be like a constant darkness with no end in sight. I am sure that there of us who committed suicide for some  reason or other.
I personally know of a T Girl that is not allowed to come out and she has already try to commit suicide.  This is no Joke in fact its deadly serious. Actually its quite depressing to say the least. When does end and Get Better.

Tomorrow

I am off to see My Therapist tomorrow which is cool. I always look forward to the session. Unfortunately it goes too fast. You feel like you only got started then its over. I suppose its the same for anything you enjoy. Strange to say that you enjoy Therapy for sometimes it can be quite harrowing. Well for me its a question of being myself in a small time in space. Where I get to say what I feel and the focus is on me. Where else can you be yourself if you have set up camp in the closet. lol.

Thankful

I am really Thankful for all the Vlogs done by T Girls. It makes for a better form of communication than the Blog. Not to say that Blogs don't serve a purpose. Well it allows me to remain anonymous. Although my name is my name and some people in the Trans Family will recognize My name. So to that degree I am sort of Anonymous.
So back to the Vlogs. Its more personal to see and hear the Person who is posting their Vlog. It allows the Viewer more access into the person who is posting the Vlog.

Trans girls like us deserve to love life too

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go and punish My Body at the Gym. Slowly but surely I am increasing the time that I spend there. I want to do an hour at the maximum. At the moment I am only doing Forty Minutes. As I have stated before, I am not a Gym Bunny and just want to look normal. Not bulging in all weird places. It really is the battle against the Flab that I am busy with at the moment. Its going very slowly at the moment since I am not really pushing Myself too hard.