Girls Vac Day 3

So I had to go to bed a little earlier since I was so wrecked after the First night. It tends to happen that way. The first Night is Always the worst. Then the rest fail to compare. I just have to slow it down a bit. Since I have a kinds long one this time. I don't want to wear myself out so much that I don't enjoy the rest of the days. So last night I watched some DVDs. The first one does not bear mentioning the second Was "Underworld" with Kate Beckinsale. Which i think is Gorgeous. I would kill to look like that.
Anyway I am in Twelfth heaven since Seventh has been closed due to renovations. I manged to get me some Practical panties from that place I told you about last time. So " got 10 his time well 2 Briefs and the rest G Strings. So this girl is happy. Just have to wash them and then stash them away. Soon I will need a Cupboard just for all My Girls Stuff. lol

Girls Vac Day 2

So a little bit worse for wear. Party was bloody great. But nowhere is where it gets Funny. So Obviously the Body is going I am just bit "Out Of Sorts". The n you say Part Tonight. Then Your Body Responds you Gotta be Kidding. So if you have to think about it its almost a Form of S&M.

Thanx

Thanx Mona Lisa Hun.

Girls Vac Day 1

Well I have been running around today. First thing I did this Morning was Paint my Toe nails Black, i have to say I am pretty good at it. Maybe I should start my own salon. Well beside Shopping for Food I went and got some orange Juice for My party. I have been drinking so much Red Wine of late. That I am sick of it. So I will resort to one of My all time Favorites is Either Tequila or Vodka with Orange Juice. So for this Vac I have stocked up on My Vodka. I have my Music my supply of Girls thins and so let the party begin. Bear in mind I am in the Closet so the party is always with myself. Which I have to say I am getting pretty good at. So Here's to All The Closeted T Girl's. I will have One for You all.

Whats The Point

Seriously I have deleted the two Face Book Accounts. For one everyone is so nice you cant say what you really want to. For then they just delete what you said. As if it never existed. So for this and other reasons I deleted mine. One more Point who are these people that want to Friend you because they Someone that Knows you. You will Probably never meet them. And who is to say that you would like them even if you do. I might be a bit Cynical. But Who cares Seriously.

Damn Damn

So I got to try my washed haul of panties. Well that is about as far as it got. I tried one o0n a bust  out of it. So those go into if I ever lose a bit of weight one day Pile. I might be able to wear them. So this week I will be off to get some more of the practical type I bought recently. For they fit like a Glove. What I have learnt up till now is that if you find something that you really like buy a whole bunch because ts more than likely never to be found again. The way fashion moves now a days it surprising if you even find it when you go back.

Decisions

Decisions, Decisions. I have been looking at the different types of Epilator's. Rechargeable , Battery, Cord. The list just goes on and on. Thing with this is that you really do not what your getting for Your Money. I would hate to spend a small fortune for some Plastic rubbish. I have an Idea of what I want its just comes down to Brand Type. Well it is a Work in Progress.

Almost Time

So its almost that Time when I can let loose. I am all stocked up for the Party.This one is going to be quite Long. So I will probably need a Holiday from this Vac. Either that or a Detox to restore the Blood levels in my Alcohol. lol.

I Would Have Thought

I would Have thought that the spelling Facility would catch words that are wrong. For I must Confess in that way I am lazy. So every now and then a word will slip out and only when I look back at the Post. Say maybe the next day then I see some of the most bizarre words. lol. Which were not intended.

So I am Addicted

So I was in the area of the one Place that sells Panties really cheap. I have to say I have found another Place that sells Practical panties or G Strings. So anyway I will be going to the Second Place from now on. Since the First one has gone the Bordello sexy unpractical G Strings. You know the ones that are made From Dental Floss. Anyway I probably bought the last few Practical ones. So I got Eight for the same price you would pay for one in a Retail Store. Now the trick is to see if they fit me. Fits I have to wash them Girl. Are you kidding me you never know what living in the Fabric. It does not matter where you bought it from. I have heard some Horror Stories that do not bear repeating.

Done

SoIi saw My Therapist today. I have to say the session was constructive. Unfortunately it takes quite awhile to get to place where you actually start dealing with the real issues. because you have to wad through all the rubbish on the periphery. Plus it takes your years to get where you are now. Remember that if you ever Transition you will need letters from Doctors as well as Therapists who will sign off on the fact that they permit you to have SRS. So you really have to do the leg work.Considering that i am more than likely going to be in the Closet till I die. It still helps me to deal with what is going on. You really need to have some Objective to speak to that is not involved in your Normal Life. Plus they need to Qualified recognized Therapist. Not some Hack that went to a two day cores on Grieving and Trauma Counselling. They will probably Traumatize you more that they will help you. So stay away from the hacks. lol

Tomorrow

So Tomorrow I have my appointment with My Therapist. We have had to extend the Sessions to two hours as opposed to the Norm. If you did not know this is the  Only person where I am Myself so in a extent this is like Going to Disneyland for me. lol.

Dilemma

Well my Cupboard overfloweth with Panties. The only thing I have to make a decision now. That is for the next trip to my Fav Retailer of Panties. Now that is do I get the normal fits just right  comfortable fit or do I go for the sexy tight hug and squeeze variety. If only everyone had such Dilemmas to face as opposed to World Hunger etc. Seriously it really gets me to think that here I am worried about what size panties to get. And some where in the World there is Person wondering where they are going to get the next meal? How stuffed is this Planet we live on!

As Time Goes By

So as you well know by now. That I was wearing my Girls get up when I had Girls Vac's. Well that is changing slowly  I am finding ways to wear as much as  I can without getting caught during the week. Obviously I have to hide the stuff so that I can wash it when no ones around. I also thinking of getting a Clear Matt Nail Polish for my toes to see how that goes and if it is not that visible I will put it on my Finger nail. Well lets see how that goes.

I Forgot

Last Week I went and had My Eyebrows and I snuck a Pedicure in at the same time. i had almost forgot about it. If you manage things you just about justify almost everything. Obviously there will be times that you wont mange like the time I wanted to get my Bellybutton pierced. Only thing I did not like the way they shaped my Eyebrows. So i am going to let them grow out again and then find someone else to shape them for me. I have to say that when it comes to this department I am a little bit lazy. I keep my nails in good shape. I have a beauty regime for my Face and parts of my Body.

What Can I Say

You will obviously notice that on the weekends, I cant write as much as I do during the Week. Just a the moment I am taking a bit of strain. Why I don't know. I just on edge.

Damn

So I am trying these low rise Jeans I bought onto today. The ones that are tapered at the ankle. First thing is the crutch is so low . Secondly My but keeps falling out.Thirdly when I sit i feel like my lower legs are taped tightly with Duct Tape. So all I all a really ......... pair of jeans.

Stretched

Just feeling a bit stretched. What I mean by that is that I am having difficulty keeping the Two Worlds going. In fact the one is starting to leak into the other. Almost like I want just Come Out. So I will just have to watch that I don't do anything Overtly Girly. Also keeping up the Charade needs a lot of Lies and Deception. No Fun there.

Awesome

So I spoke to My Therapist yesterday and we are set for next week. Which is awesome. Although I did make it on a day that I thought was going to be within My next Girls Vac. Which it turned out be not. So I going to just take a chance and go. What the "Hell". I think every now and then you should take a risk just to feel alive. No we are not talking about going Skydiving. Just do something you wouldn't ordinarily do. I Dare You!

Press to Delete

I Deleted my Alter Egos Face Book Page today. The Person that People think that I am. You know the one that is not Stasya. I just did not see the need for it anymore. It is quite strange thinking that what if this or that Person really knew me. How would things change?  Then there are those that want to Friend me because of people I know. What do they relay want? maybe I have become Cynical. All the same I have been feeling this way for awhile. I even Fired My Family. Not that i really ever got on with them. I know it sounds harsh. But really I am trying to preserve My Sanity. In some ways I am tired of the Pretense.

Almost

So this morning my Dsl line was on AWOL. I thought here is another one of those days wasted speaking to Those who are supposed to rendering a service. Well  maybe an hour and half later it miraculously came back from Leave. So I did not have to waste anytime Complaining. It amazes how these things can just suck the energy out of a day. So I was watching "My Week With Marilyn" starring Michelle Williams. She did an awesome job of playing Marilyn.

Could Not Get It

For the life of me I could nor remember this term yesterday when I was posting. I kept coming up with "Girl Interrupted". Which is a movie starring Winona Ryder. The term I really was looking for was "Arrested Development". Which is what happens to those of us in The Closet. We aren't able to fully develop and explore our selves. Which is what you do as a Human. Your Life really is about finding Yourself and Your Voice. So your stuck trying to portray something your not that's when the "Arrested Development" comes into Play. Why do you think that the Older T Girls go through the different Phases of growing up. Like liking Hello Kitty etc. Its because they never got to experience it the age its is appropriate for. SO they have go through all the phases of growing up. Just as much as someone that had to be very Adult to cope with a situation when they were young where the Adult were like Children. They never get to have a Childhood because they take on the role of a child. Now that has got to suck.

Around Again

I think for the most part the agony of going around and around the same issues is a bit maddening. Especially because your in the closet. You don't get to experience the entire gamut. For instance you can not explore your sexuality because your really cemented into what situation you find yourself. meaning that if you were to be a bit adventurous it would call attention. Being in the Closet really is for the most part Self Imposed Exile. Yes I realize that there are circumstance that dictate that we not expose ourselves. What I mean by that is sometimes we want to be Out as it were but don't want to lose that which you have. Because believe when you come Out everything Changes. Sometimes you can lose everything. So its a pretty daunting thing to consider. As per usual there are always exceptions to the rule.

Normal

So My Girls Vac was cut short. By a night. What can you do. but In two weeks I have a 6 day Girls Vac coming up. So consider this last one a practice run The only thing I'm not too sure that I will have another ling one this year. Maybe 2 days at time. Which is the same as this last one. Which really is not enough time. I have hardly painted my Nails and then I have to take it off again. Which is such a waist. But what can you do. If I say that one more time I am going to commit suicide. Lol. You probably thinking what is the great deal with these times alone. Are you kidding me. Its like a 13 year old girl being let loose in a cosmetic store with nor boundaries. At best its cathartic to be able to allow yourself come out and just relax. Also remember its not all the way, its not like I can go out with a dress or whatever. It is all done in the confines of the place I live in.

So Not Nice

Just got off a forum where someone who is Middle Aged is thinking of Coming Out. I think as time progresses this will more the exception than the rule. What is really disheartening is that Coming Out as a Trans Person is a pretty risky affair. Since most Societies are not hat excepting. And which is more important is that you will need to be able to support yourself. There are not many Employers that will welcome a changed Person on there Staff. Personally I am still stuck in the Closet even though I came out very briefly which was really Traumatic. I had to jump back in the Closet very quickly. So I have some Idea what is involved. It actulyy makes me Sad to think about what transpired. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. So we have to keep on reminding ourselves that the world in General is not Friendly or Accepting of any thing Different. Well we all know this.

No 2

So this is Night no Two and I really wish I had my Diablo 3. Well 6 more days to go. Which seems like an eternity.So if you gt That Diablo 2 was released in 2000. It has been 11 to 12 years. Blizzard is renowned about being pedantic about their Games. But 11 years is a hell of a long time to wait. Well that will really only interest those that are into their Games.

Huhhhhhh

Ok Just a little bit Tired today. Had to sleep in a bit. Actually a lot. had my Specials last night again. Vodka and Red Wine. to be more Precise Merlot. No I am not a Wine Fundi. Merlot just goes down better its not so Dry and not too sweet. Like some white wines tend to be. So we opt out for the Merlots which is a blend. So hence the need to catch up with some Horizontal Relaxation. lol. What amazes me is how the body copes with things a different times. Some time it can handle a rough night and other times not. So some Yogurt and coffee is the order of the day. have to say I enjoyed my lie in.

Nothing

Nothing like a bit of Depeche Mode to get the day going. Although I haven't put them down as Fav Music they have to be one My Fav Bands of all Time. Obviously they are taking the Mickey out of Lounge Singers or what ever you want to call them. lol

Depeche Mode - It's No Good

Well

I'm certainly feeling Myself Now. No Not Literally your Naughty. Nothing like come out of the closet. I just wish I could do it on a constant basis. But then again it does not always out the way we want it to. In my next life I want to look like "xxmichaeljames". Stunning stunning or even Ana Mancini. yes I know she is A Porn Star. That does make her any less Beautiful. More Strength to her.

Groovy

So Its my Vac at the moment. put on my new Revlon Black Nail Polish. Which I have to say goes on like a Dream and leaves a really smooth  finish. So much difference between the cheap and quality brands. So I went on a Splurge today got myself some more of those Briefs the Black ones this time and Some Pink G Strings. Always remember that Ninety Nine percent of my shopping is done at Our Local Chinese Mall. So What I would pay for at the normal Retail Store for One I can get 3 to 4 of the same variety. So go figure why spend that absurd amount when you can some much more bang for you buck. I simply don't really follow trends. Its just every now and then it helps to get something of Quality like the Nail Polish. Which is more than likely Made In China any way. So go Figure. Plus I got a large Purse since my other one is not coping plus its a Teens Purse so its more Pretty that its Practical. My new one is Bigger and the colour of it is still fun. So all in all it was quite a good day

Vivid

i have really  been having extremely Vivid Dreams of late. But so realistic its Scary. I also Got to Tell someone off that I would have like to many years ago. It was so fun. I really gave it to them Good. Whether it was just my Subconscious working something out that i had in the back of my Mind. I will never know. What I do know it was Therapeutic for me. I just wish I could have the same |Dream again this time I will Blast them this time around. Lol

Trudging On

I was jut wondering how much struggling to stay in the Closet in order to keep the Staus Quo. Diminishes the experience of being Trans. Its like the unattainable goal that if ever reached is no longer what it was made out to be since all the years of struggle have drained all the Sap out of the actuality of it coming to pass. Even to the point that you could even resent the final reality because it does not live up to your expectations. Just a Thought. lol. maybe a little too deep for a weekend me Thinks.

I Have to Admit

So yes I Love Pc RPG Games. What can I say. Firstly I get to play A Girl which I have the choice to make up literally from scratch. So everything from face shape to colour of hair. Jewelry etc. In some even different Race types like Elf's etc. Then you get to choose which side of the spectrum your character will be drawn to which will influence the way the Game precedes. So what is there not to like I ask you. Then again I have always been drawn to the whole Sci Fi and Fantasy genres. The next big launch Is "Diablo 3" even though its a Hack and Slash its pretty Cool.

Not Long

Not long until I have a mini Girls vac. So I wore my new Pink Briefs to gym today. They fit ok. I just prefer them to be a bit tighter. So I ma going to go back to the place where I got my Black ones from and get a few of those. I also manged to make an appointment to go see My Therapist in two and half weeks time.

Amazing

I don't know if I have said this before. If I have you will have to forgive me. It is amazing how you can be surrounded by people yet be completely alone. Just every now and then I get it that we really are alone in our experience. it sounds a bit Melodramatic or even Depressing. But it really is a reality. Even if your in a bed with someone you really go to sleep alone and wake up alone. Maybe I am crazy but that's how I feel every now and then.

Lucky Fish

So I decided to pop into that store to see if I could get those Briefs. So you wont believe I managed to get Three for half the Price that they normally are. Soft Pink ones. So I consider Myself a Lucky Fish. Yaaaaahhhh!

It's Me I'm Back

I feel a bit better since I had some extra sleep yesterday. I have been thinking that I would like to get some more Briefs. Since the one I have at the moment fit me real well. It really is for going to Gym. More than anything else. Unfortunately I have to much to do today. And it seems that I will be getting busier for the next while. So I will have to set aside a Day to do all these things. I did however see an Veet Epilator that was not too expensive that I am thinking of getting.

Sleeeepp

Just a bit tired now that I got back from My Trip. So back to normal from tomorrow. I really can say that nothing Surprises me anymore. We are capable of just about anything if we can find a way to justify it. As long as it makes sense to us in our Mindset then there really cant be anything wrong with it. Even bullying for that matter.