NOTICE I will be back on the 11th of January

So this will be my last post for the year.

I WILL BE BACK ON THE 11th OF JANUARY 2013.

I WANT TO WISH EVERYONE A STUNNING FESTIVE SEASON AND A BRIGHT NEW YEAR FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY BUT ESPECIALLY ALL THE T GIRLS.

T GIRLS

DONT FORGET TO SPOIL YOURSELVES

YOU DESERVE IT

AND TAKE CARE OF 

YOURSELVES

HUGS

STASYA

Ladyboy Capital of the World pt1

Yep

So this is it the Last day before I am gone for the Year. No more posts for this year. What I did notice when I was watching a few Documentaries about the Lady Boys in Thailand was that the Guys who go after them reckon that they are a lot more sexy than the normal Girls. Which I have said before. I really think that to some degree T Girls can come across as having heightened sexuality. I wont say that all are like this since there are those who want be identified as being women. The there are those who want to be known as being Trans. I suppose that there are different variations between these two. Plus we have the added Bonus of having a Males body structure. Well depends on the individual as to how their Body type lends itself to being Female. I also believe that some T Girls do come across as having Heightened Sexuality simply because they are aware of their Femininity as opposed to the Normal Woman. You will notice that some Females are rather Drab in the way they present themselves or even not recognizing their inner Bombshell  or even being aware of their potential to be super sexy.

Well

So My new Beauty Regime is working out quite well. Except for the fact I wont be able to do it for the next three weeks but that is no big deal for when I get back I will pick up where I left off. Three weeks is not a long time. If you Dont have a Beauty regime the best you can do is moisturize all the parts that are exposed. Namely Your Face, Neck, Hands, Arms, Legs and Feet. Any place that is exposed to the environment since that is the parts that dry out the fastest. Also depends which Climate you live in. Still you can not go wrong by Moisturizing no matter what. The sooner you start the better.

Second Last

So this is the Second last day before I disappear. Dont worry I will be back on the 11th of Jan. Time flies when your having fun. lol. Just cant believe how fast this year has gone. It almost feels like it did not happen.

Which One

Well you saw the documentary of Lady Boys in Thailand. Pity about all the discrimination. Well specifically from the State. It seems that coming out there is not as bad as in some parts of the world. I could list a number of countries where it is hazardous but I will refrain from doing so because I am sure you will know which countries those are. Some of the best SRS Surgeons in the World are based in Thailand.

Ladyboys - Documentary

Right

For the Moment I feel a bit Lost since for the Next three weeks I will not have a chance to do what I normally do and that is Blog and watch The Vlogs that I follow. But more than that I will constantly be with other people so I wont even have chance to relax and be Myself. Well its something I don't have a choice about so I will have to Grin and Bear it. Once again this is the Price you pay when your in the Closet. Plus it will never end which is more frustrating that anything else.

I Dont Know

Once again I really Dont have anything to say. There was something I want to address but I have forgotten what it was. So I will watch some Vlogs hopefully it will come back to me.

Notice

Please bear in mind that I will not be posting from 23 OF DEC TO THE 11 OF JAN. So I have 3 more days of posting before I disappear.

Issues

If you think that you keep dealing with similar issues at various times then you would be right. Well especially if your In The Closet. it really is like a Roller Coaster where the loop never ends an its the Same over and over. Well I can really only speak for Myself. But I wouldn't be Surprised if it were the Same for Other T Girls in a similar situation. Its almost like you cant move on since your stuck in a rut of repeating the same issues over and over. Or at least dealing with same issues over and over.

Thought

I was thinking as I often do. lol. What makes some one Trans is it the way they dress. No. Is it the way they Walk or their Gestures, No. Is it they way they Talk, No. Is it what they think about, No. Is it the way they they Sit or Stand, No.
We could go through a whole list. I am not going to list the things that make a person Trans since that's not what I am trying to achieve here. What I am trying to get at here is when you get into Bed at night (as an Example) do you cease to be Trans because you stop doing all these things. No.
So all these things help you express yourself but put all together they are Not what makes you Trans. So what makes you Trans? Well I will leave that up to you to come up with your own Answer

Malls

Well it goes without saying that the Malls are buzzing with People at the Moment  Trying to find that Present for who ever.  I got what I need so I am done for the Year. Now its just a matter of waiting for that Day and then it will all be over. have to say that at the Moment I am really at a loss for words. Which it is normally not the case.

Done

So I have returned from My last Therapy Session for the Year.  So every thing is coming to a halt for the Festive Season. They will only contact me at the End Of January to start the sessions. Which I have to say is quite a long time to wait. Well what can I do but wait.
 I was asked a very interesting question today which goes like this. If you were to meet yourself what would you say to yourself ? Well what would you say ?

How to "Tuck" For Drag

Yesterday

So yesterday was not so bad managed to grin and and bear through. At least the one consolation was that the food was good. So at least all in all it did not suck. Yaaaa for the Food. lol. So I don't think there will any more of those.

Tomorrow

So Tomorrow I will see My Therapist for the last time this year. Then I have to wait seven weeks before I see the Therapist again. I still haven't wrapped the Present, Probably do that this afternoon.

Vlogs

At the moment I am catching up with The Vlogs before leaving. Whats going to be really awesome is by the time I get back next year there are going to be a whole lot of Vlogs I will have to catch up with. So it will be like a Party. I suppose you could say that for someone stuck in the Closet the People in the Vlogs kinda become your Friends. Since you get to know them and live vicariously through them. If that makes any sense. So in a sense it will be like trowing a Party. Yuuuuupppiieeeee. I think. lol

Not Much

So Not Much to report at the moment. Will be going out just now to the Obligatory festive Season Party/Bash. Yes its that time of the year were we go see People sometimes which we have not seen for awhile. I try an avoid these since its so superficial. Well even worse for me for the whole time your pretending to be something your not. Well most of My Life is like that if not all of it. Anyway that is what the rest of My Day is going to look like. Think of it as work to make oneself fit into the Surrounds. Well more like to appease those So I wont be posting too much today. This time next week we will be on our Trip away very far away.

Horaaaah

I was told of a Place where they do Drag Shows. It is quite far from me. So I made a note for when I have a long Me Times. I will have to Plan for it. So it will make for something interesting for a change. If you look long enough you will find something that you can relate to. Just have to be very careful that there wont be a chance that some will recognize you. Not that it would be a Problem if some one found out about this for you could justify it. Its when you doing something that is not justifiable that you will be in trouble. So those type of things you need to do very far away from where you live so that the chance of something happening to Out You is Minimal. What type of things am I talking about is like shopping for Women's clothing Make up etc. Dont take a chance by doing it too close to Home. For you never know what might happen to put you on a spot.

So I am looking forward to going even though its going to be a long way to go before I go. So it will be time for some Priscilla time put on your dancing shoes Girl. lol.

Slow

Well it definitely is a slow day today. One of those when you just want to be lying around. maybe watch some Telly read a book etc. Well I was curled up and now watched a bit Of Telly and now doing My Blog. So really a really slow day. Did go to the Malls this Morning not for a long time. Just got some stuff for Our trip.

Next

Next Week is My Last Therapy session for the Year. I wont see my Therapist for seven weeks and then only again in the beginning of Feb I think. So its gonna be quite a haul with out any Sessions. Pull out the Wine and Vod. My back up Therapists.

Loneliness

I suppose this could have been part of the last Post since it does touch on similar themes. (Damn it this dream really has got me going) This obviously does not happen too often. I think the main thing that came out of it is that I really need to find some one I could talk to other than that in a Therapy Session. You see there that Therapist is supposed to listen to me. You see there is no Personal Repoire its a Patient Therapist context. Beyond that there is no Personal Relationship. No Going Out Together  No sharing things. It really is just a One Way Street. My I long for a Flesh and blood Live T Girl to have as a friend. Some one who can Twist my ear and vicer versa.
To Dream The Impossible Dream, To wish upon a far away Star. Ok the second one I made up but it still goes together. Plus It sounds Great, don't you think. Lol that Hurt ooowwwwwwww.

Today

So Today is My second last Therapy session for the Year. Slowly but surely we come to realize that another year is coming to a close and yet so much still to unwind and explore. After the Dreams I had last night there was enough content in them to last at least Twenty sessions. They were Jam-packed with double meanings of My past all rolled up into one. it was hard to keep up with the double meanings even in the dream-state I was able to distinguish the meanings. Its not often that you are able to follow the path a dream takes. It is even more unusual where you are able to determine the progress of the Dream. What is more interesting is the after effect of the Dream and that is the emotion it leaves with you. I think that this really determines if the Dream was one or another type. Ok whether it was Good or Bad, Happy or Sad.
The worst part is that I cant say whether this is my own thing or whether it is a common thing. Here I am referring to living in La La land as in the way you view your Closeted State. Are we heightening the state of our being in the Closet to a state that is unrealistic. Something that can not be achieved in reality. Simply because we concentrate on the What Ifs. As opposed to actual Realistic approach. I have feeling its the Later. Damn if only it was simpler. Not on your Life. This is the Life of the Closeted. What would be interesting is to hear from Others that are in The Closet to see what their experiences are. If they are the same or if it is just me.

So

Ok So I am having Fun at the moment. If this had been a Me Time it would have been quite a Day. Unfortunately it is not. So I have to grin and bear through the rest of what is not. Yeah and all of this is making sense. lol. Supposedly next year I am in for a few long Me Times which I can only look forward to. But lets not wish away Our Lives. I also have Our Holiday to look forward to. Well as much as I can seeing that I will not have access to the Net as I do now. Hence the not being able to Post

Bee Gees - Too Much Heaven

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Dreams

I had some awesome Dreams Last Night-this Morning. The problem with Dreams is that you can never relate them to any other person without losing all the magic that went into making it Special. Need less to say ( I say that quite a lot Don't I) lol. Anyway I thought that today I would spoil myself with some Eddie and Priscilla, Bee Gees and all that good stuff. There is nothing like that Music and Times that cant be Recaptured. You Dont even have to have to have been alive then to appreciate that whole Era. Ok so Eddie is present time we all know that. Girls just wanna have Fun. Have Fun I say to You for tomorrow you can be depressed.

How to get bleach Blonde hair!

Depeche Mode - Precious

Just A Bit

Just a insy weenie tiny bit. I have had a couple of really weird days lately. Just have this dark cloud hovering above me. It makes for really good dreams. Then again it feels really weird. So weird I just cant describe it or even put my finger on it. Some time ago I was really depressed so much so They had to change My Meds since they weren't working, The new ones work better than the last not to say I cant get depressed. This is a no going struggle for those stuck in the Closet. Sometimes it makes me really sad when I see other T Girls living their lives Out and About. Not that I don't celebrate the fact that they are able to do so. It shows for others that things do Get Better. Ok this time it can Be a Mmmooooooooooooaaaannn !!!!!

Trailers

Been watching Trailers of Movies to be released next year. There seems to be some good movies coming Out next year. Was watching the end of Avatar again the other day which was cool again. At the moment watching the episodes of Battlestar Galactica ( The New Series not old) Which is quite cool. So yes I am a bit of a Sci Fi as well as Fantasy Nut. Then again there are a lot of Trans people that are into similar genres. Notice I did not say all. Mostly young T Girls that are into them. Then again its not big deal If you're not since it takes all types.
So in some ways that makes me a Nerd. lol. I have never been a Guys Guy. I have always been on the outskirts never really wanting to be part of the whole Guy thing. Always getting on with Girls a whole lot better that Guys. Well that should be an Obvious. Well then again aren't we all the same when it comes to the whole guy thing.

Mistakes

I will make mistakes every now and then. You will generally get the message. I only check to see if I have made mistakes very rarely. Unless it is Plain to sight will I correct it. I am not hung up about getting every thing 100 % accurate  Since we are not 100% right all the time if never  So just bear that in mind when going through the Posts.

Opening song - The adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the desert - I've n...

Dont Feel Alone

I must just say this. Not all T Girls have known that they were Trans from a Early Age. Some have only come into it at a later Age. There were markers in the journey that in Hindsight point in the direction. I have even heard of Lady that only came to the realization that she was a Man in her Sixties.
If you came into the realization at a later time in your Life there really is no difference  The best thing is that you were able to come to the realization and then you can move forward. Even if your Pre Op and never get to have bottom surgery (SRS). It really it makes no difference you are still Trans. Dont let anyone else tell you differently. Even if you are not on Hormones it still makes no difference. All these things do not take away from the Fact that your Trans.

I Have

I have been searching for awhile to find anything on Trantasia. For quite awhile. Fortunately I Was Able to find the first in a series. I have found No 2 Only but wont post since I cant find 3 and 4. Yet the first one gives ample description as what its all about.

Trantasia (2006) Transsexual Pageant part 1 of 4

Links

Just the weirdest I post certain Vlogs and it works to start off and then all of a sudden it becomes a link to something else. That's the reason you will see certain Vlogs being deleted. Why it happens I have no Idea. it certainly makes me want to Screammmmmmmmmmm.

Just Every Now and Then

It invariably happens every now and then that the lying, hiding, evading and misdirection gets to you. I think that this is the One thing that really contributes to the Depression. Not to say its the Only thing that contributes.Yet the constant lying does not help. So what were you doing on the Net. Why are you typing so much? Who are you messaging?What are you looking at? it just does not end. Why are you growing your nail? cut them the look like claws. Why are you so lazy go cut your nails? etc, etc. It just does not stop. During these times you have to be so careful in your answers. Answering in a way that it misleads and there aren't any more questions. Remembering what you said last time. Screammmm. Why do you think that I like Me Time's so much. I get to let My hair down and get to be me for once in a long while. Which in of its self is not that good because at the end of the Me time I have to go back t the everyday thing. Which is enough to cause you to be depressed.

Transsexual Teen, Beauty Queen

Coming Right

Quite Glad that my Nails are coming right. Just need to keep filing them down so it does not become obvious  I have done in the French Manicure style. So they are cut straight. I just cant let the end bit show the white bit. Otherwise it becomes obvious. Talk about pushing Boundaries. The other thing is that My Nails grow very fast as I have stated before.

Size

So I have just come back from Gym. Now that I have said I am sure you feel that much closer to me. lol. Anyway I noticed this Blonde haired Woman. Now that is really unusual. lol Sorry just kidding. Anyway she had these really perky Breasts perfectly poised. Which leads me to think that they are not of a natural source. Plus she was not that young. Anyway that reminded me of something I have been thinking about. Well actually two things . Both are related. Well the first thing is If I were to Come Out ( Not that it is a Possibility) One can only Dream. Anyway if I were on Hormones and boob were to grow. What size would I be Happy or content with. So I am thinking a Handle Full as long as they are Perky. I really don't want big Boobs. Secondly I am thinking of getting a training bra. I am going to get some one to get it for me. Well that's the Plan. That will happen next year once I have saved enough. The trick is to get one that is going to fit. I was also thinking of getting a Sports bra. Well its toss up between the two. I will have think about that. Anyway that's for next year. So I have a Project for next Year.

Almost Forgot.

Manged to find a movie House that was still showing Cloud Atlas. Which was really awesome. Will watch when it comes out on dvd. Takes awhile to get used to the story Flitting between the different characters in the story. None the Less it was awesome.

Present

So I managed to get a Present for My Therapist. Its a tin with chocolates except the it is shaped into this really cute Gingerbread Man. Well they did not have a Gingerbread Girl which |I would have got instead  Except I think I have never heard of a Gingerbread Girl. Anyway I am not going to give to My Therapist this week but the Week after.

All Malled Out

Ok I have had My fill of Malls for the Weekend. They are starting to get busy. I would hesitate to say that is because of the Festive Season. I am so Tired now.  I could go and sleep right now and probably have Nightmares of malls( I might just do that). lol. Did not really see anything awesome enough. Still stuck for exactly I want.

Tunage ( Jason Simone)

Surprise

Don't you just love when just as you think your getting to know someone they go and surprise you Damn. I have been following this Vlog. The person answered a question. This kinds threw me like Whoooooaa hold them Horses. I am Open Minded its just you thought you knew the person and then all of a sudden Hullo. So I will just have to change the way I view this Person. Nothing can shock me but People can surprise me. Well moving On. No its not Jason Simone.

Malls

So will be running around a lot today in the Malls. Might get something today. Still trying to figure out exactly what I want for a present this Season. Got to make that money stretch as far as possible. So will be looking for Sales. Which as I said before is generally how I get My stuff. Either that or the Chinese shops since they are dirt cheap. Thank goodness For that. Will be watching a Movie later. Probably get Take A Way after that. Well we will see about that. I was thinking of something small for My Therapist. Just not too sure what.

So Yes ( Once a Week Tranny Session)

Had My Late Session yesterday. Which was quite Good. Seems to be making progress at the moment. It takes quite awhile before you make any progress. so your in Therapy be Patient. Kinda just got out when the Rush was beginning. So it was not too bad. Got only Two left for this Year. And it will be only at the end Of January that I will start again. Which is a bummer. So it will be a Month and a Half before Therapy starts again. Well I will just have to hang in there.

Hhhhmmmmmmm

So Let see I have to start thinking of what I will want for Christmas. Normally I get Money and I go and buy what I want. Well you know straight stuff. It would be really weird to come back with |Panties or whatever. Can you imagine trying to explain that one. So you see I was at the Shops and there was a Sale buy Two and get the Third one For Free and I could not resist. NOT.
I'm thinking of trying to get some Music and a Music dvd. I've quite a few Music cd's. Which I normally pick up on Sales. Which works out a lot better. Say for instance I get Three Cds for the Price of Newly Released One which is a Steal. So that is the way I expand my Cd Collection. So I'm not Rich just in case you were wondering and my Books are got the same way as well. Only once in awhile will I buy a newly released Cd Or Book. I kinda have to save uo to get what I want. At The Moment I'm pretty much broke except for the Money I have put aside for My Tattoo which is still not enough. So in that way I'm pretty good.

High

On a bit of Caffeine High at the moment. I had a Black Cup of Coffee and then an Ice Tea. Just I don't like the drop once it wears off. No I did not intended to be on a bit of a high.
Right that is besides the Point. Ordinarily I am a Book Worm. But for some strange reason I cant seem to knuckle down to read. this has been going on for awhile. I have whole Library of Books waiting for me to read them. No Jokes about the Library. I read across a number of Genres so I am not stuck to one thing. I hope this faze passes. If it does not I will have to force it. Which will be a pity since it normally come so Easy. At the moment I am trying to finish The Ninth Book In a Triple Trilogy. This is the end of the Third Trilogy.

Once A Week Tranny Session

So Once Again I will see My Therapist today. IOts the Only Time I can Come Out for an Hour then back in the Closet  At least I get one Hour a week. Only thing the appointment is much later in the Day and normally its in the Middle of the day. Which thankfully is only for this time today. So its going to be of a rush to try to miss the Rush. Hoe bizarre a Rush to avoid the Rush. lol. Well I'm sure you know what I mean. Run Away Run away. Ok not quite appropriate but the sentiment is there.

The eroticization of M2F transsexuals by straight men

I was Hoping

I was really hoping that I would have enough Money to get get my Tattoo finished  Yet unfortunately I still have to save some more so it looks like I will only be able to get it Finished neat year. Which is a real kick in the Pantaloons. lol. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. If only I could win the Lotto or something. Saving Sucks. Well I suppose it makes you appreciate it that much more when you finally have it. I only have two Tattoo's and both them are on my back. So you can't see them. Which I don't mind for I know that they are there.
Just one bit of advice do some research into who is the best Tattoo Artist around try to get to see some of their work. I have seen some really bad Tattoos. It took me awhile to find mine and I very happy with the results  Another thing make sure that you really like the Tattoo you want for its gonna follow you around. lol. Well not really its gonna be with you for a along Time.

Normally

Normally I don't post so many Vlogs but since I believe that once I find a Vlog I might not find it again so I had better Post it. There are times I find too many then I have to make A choice. I follow quite a few channels. I love Vlogs because it makes more personal. plus you get to see the Persons Body Language and expressions which you cant get across in a Blog.
I would Vlog but that I would have to wear a Paper Bag over My Head and then I would have to get a voice synthesizer to disguise My Voice that way nobody would be able to recognize me. lol.

Splurge I Say To You

There is one thing I have learnt and that is this or One thing I know to be true. That is this Unless a Person knows you really well will they be able to buy a Present that is exactly what you want or like for that matter. I believe you should spoil yourself because most of the Time People do not get what you want. Then when receiving the Present your Like Oh that's stunning, NOT!!!! lol.
If your in the Closet then its completely different than you have My Permission to buy yourself something Feminine that you have been dying to have. Hopefully you have saving up. For Instance not Long Ago I went and bought Myself Some really expensive Nail Polish. Now believe me there is a huge difference between that and the Junk Nail Polish I normally Buy simply because I know it will clump and so there fore I don't mind throwing it away since it was cheap  The Expensive one goes on like a Dream. How long it will last before it clumps I am still yet to find out the Hard way.
But still it is awesome to use and leaves a really good Finnish just as good as if you went to a Salon.
So Girl Splurge and get yourself a gift that will make you smile every time you think of it. It will be your little Secret. So that when Your in company with People that are oblivious to who you really are because you have not Come Out. Then you can think about with a Smile on your Face and they will be none the Wiser. Go Girl GO. I do it but I am normally wearing a G String when I do. Nobody knows and its a Blast.

UK Border Force - Funniest interview ever with transgender Canadian woman

Downer

Talk about a Downer even the last Post I posted has got me a bit Depressed. Unfortunately its all too real. Well I would say that for last two weeks I have been a bit Down. I do know that for a fact that in the this particular Month out of all the Months of the year People find it the hardest to get through. For One reason it reminds them of just how lonely their existence is. I know that this is a bit of a Downer.
If your alone this festive Season try to find someone to connect to even if its a forum( Now not just any Chat forum be careful there because there are a lot of Trolls just looking for Lonely or Vulnerable T Girls. There is a link under Trans resources on My Blog if your looking for one. Unfortunately its English. (Well you know what I mean I don't know of any good Ones that are in Different Languages)

Not So Joyous

The sad thing about posting all these Vlogs of people who have achieved Transition or are busy transitioning (Happily So) I really don't want to take away from their Stories and wish them all the best and love the fact that they were able to do so.
But for every Positive Story I post I know of T Girls that are really struggling. Have been abounded by their Families. Parents wont speak to them and the list carries on. So spare a thought for all the T Girls that are going through Hell. The percentages are quite high for those that have tried to commit suicide. The percentage for The States stands at 41% of Trans people have tried to commit suicide.
So I completely understand the Pain that they are going through as well as all those that are still in the Closet and probably will never be able to come out. (Such as Myself)
So really this Blog is not only Therapy for Myself but as a witness to the fact that There are T Girls that are still Closeted. Even in the advances we have made there still is a Hellava way to go.

TRANSformation - Going public

TRANSformation - Transgender future

I Know

I really have been watching a lot of Eddie Izzard the last while. I haven't yet Od ( Over Dosed). I love comedy and stand up Comedians. If there is ever a good Comedian that has released a dvd. I will get it to watch. Now there is some Info That will draw anyone closer to me. lol. Sharing that information.

I wonder

I wonder I do. I really wonder what people think when they encounter this Blog. You some are just going ( If not the majority) through Blogs looking for something interesting to while their time away.( Since this part of My Therapy it makes sense to me) There are plenty Family Blogs to go around a few Style, Make Up, Entertainment etc. Then they come across mine. T Girl. Well for one what is a T Girl. I can just picture them trying to solve this one. So What is a T Girl and why is this person closeted. And what are they Doing in the closet, that is pretty silly. I think for the normal person they would not have the foggiest as to what a T Girl is. Let alone anything else. Yes and whats up with the Hormones and things. So what do they think when coming across this Blog !!!!!!! ?

About Hormones & Update!

Always

Always Remember that even if I mention that I am seeing a Therapist. I was sent to a Therapist for depression. But I am going to see the Therapist for that and My GID. I have told the Therapist that there will be note taking and The Therapist is not allowed to tell anyone about what I am talking to the Therapist about. The Doctor is also for the Depression so I can get Meds fro that. The Doctor does not know anything about My GID. So just remember that when I post about the different things. I am sometimes need to remind People since not everyone have been following What I am doing  The Blog is part of My Therapy which was prescribed By My Therapist that specializes in GID. GID stands for Gender Identity Disorder

I Did Not

So Im catching up with the Vlogs I follow. I did not set them before I went to Gym. So I'm Down loading them. So anyway I went to Gym the first thing I normally do is weigh myself to see where I am in my Gyming. So the Machine says I have gained and like No Way are you serious. What A way to start you exercise regime Knowing you have Gained. So What do I gain as I exercise. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around. B.......... H........ Well you can put what you want in the Gaps what ever makes you happy. So that was a good way to start.

Notice No 2

Just in case you did not see the first notice here is another. I will post the last one when I leave. So I will be gone from The 23rd Of December to The 10 Of January. So there will be no Posts over the Festive Season since I going away and will not have access to the Net. Not like I do now. So you will have to patient.

Nothing

So I did the Obligatory run around the Mall like a chicken without a head. lol. Got absolutely nothing for at the Moment I seriously have too Much ......... ( You fill in the Blank). No seriously My Cupboard overfloweth with ............ . (Once again you fill in the Blank). No seriously My Cupboard is seriously Small. Its actually quite Fascinating if you go through your cupboard and have to put all the stuff you don't use. This does not include all the stuff your Hiding away. If  anyone had to go through your Cupboard they would find all your T Girl Stuff. Try explaining that One.
I always have this thought what would happen if you find yourself in Hospital  and someone had to bring Clothes for you from your Cupboard. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
Can you imagine that Conversation  So I was going through your Cupboard to get you some clothes. Guess what I came across. So Who's panties are these?

Cooooooooolll

So I was thinking which is always a dangerous thing. Well simply it can get you into trouble. I was thinking what advantages does a T Girl have over a Normal Girl? Well the best one is We don't have Periods. How awesome is that. I cannot think of anything better than not having periods. The next One is really dependent on each person For I am sure that are those that disagree with both statement. Since some would want to give Birth to Children. I am of the opinion that there are enough Children in the World already why not Adopt a child. So the Second would be not being able to have children for me that would be a Blessing. So that is a very personal choice. I feel for those that cant and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have Children.
So those are the Two things I reckon are awesome not having Children and never having to worry about having Children. Yaaahooooo

How to Apply Fake Eyelashes

Eddie Izzard's Guide to Last Minute Christmas Shopping

Sorry

So I haven't had my Weekly dose of Malls . Well I am sick as you know. The thing now is to start keep your eyes open to buying presents for specific People.
I think the Secret Santa solution is the best. So you get everyone around in your Family and you write your name on a piece of Paper and then put it in a bowl of sorts. Obviously you have to fold your Paper. Then you take it around and each person picks a paper with someones name. This is not meant to be revealed to anyone. Then you agree on a limit of Money that you are able to buy for that person. So no ! You only have to buy one present instead presents for each person. 2 You have a limit on what your able to spend. So therefore you are able to save a wack of Money. I think its a great idea.

Uuuuuuuuuughhh

So today I am a bit sick, slept for quite awhile. I'm not going to say the reason why I am sick. Sorry a T Girl has to keep up appearances. The last thing you want too see is when you friend or whoever is sick. Because that's when they are at their best. Are you kidding Me. Have ever heard a Sick Person say I need to doll myself up just in case I have a visitor. lol. No that's when they are at their worse. It is even worse than they first wake up in the morning without their Face on and Bed Head. lol

Today

I saw My Therapist today. It went quite well today. Not that it doesn't normally. Just that it was a good session. Just every now and then something clicks. I have got three more sessions until the end of the Year. So the Festive Season slowly but surely it begins to take hold effecting everything.

Last Night

So I got horribly drunk last night so much so that I had to stop the dvd that I was watching and go to bed to sleep off some of My Drunkenness and then I woke up at about 12 and watched both of the videos and got to bed really late so I slept in today. Now that was one hellava sentence without any punctuation  lol It must be as a result of last night. I don't feel too bad today considering how Drunk I was last night. So I watched My Eddie Izzard dvd which was cool.

1 Day Only Of Me Time.

Yep that's right One Day Only and I cant get up too much mischief since I am seeing the Therapist tomorrow. I really don't want be to Hungover for the session since its only once a Week. It would be ok to go to bed late if I knew I could sleep late the next day. So I got another Eddie Izzard dvd which is going to be a Killer. As I have explained before I am a converted Fan. So I am looking forward to since the last One was Awesome and Fantabulas.

Surprise

Bit strange since I posted this already and it disappeared. Anyway I had a pleasant surprise when I opened my Facebook today. I found a message only to discover that it was One Of My Sisters that I had not heard from in awhile. So that was absolutely awesome. My Facebook is under my name Stasya Doll and its for all the Trans People that want to connect with me. Although I am not very active on Facebook at all. I concentrate all my energies on My Blog.

Me Time

So tomorrow I am going to have 1 day of Me time. I only will say that it is a Day if the Day includes a Night. Otherwise its not a Day if it does not include a Night. Well that does not take a Rocket Scientist to figure that one Out. lol. Well let see what I can get up tomorrow.

Awesome

Just every now and then you see something that is awesome. The Pity is that you will never be able to track it down since its just a pic on someones blog which was got from some other source and that from some other resource etc, etc. So all you can do is drool. lol. What am am I referring to this time a Lingerie set which is absolutely Fab. I cant even begin to describe it.
The worst thing is when you do look for it you all kinds that aren't even close to the One You saw. So you always end up settling for Second best. So you have a choice buy them or keep looking. Aaaahhh.

Sleep

So I decided to sleep a little bit into today. Yet I will be going to Gym just now which I have to say sounds strange if you put the two together. So I was sleeping and then decide to go to Gym. lol. Only I could come up with something like that.

Red

I have on my mind for awhile now after having see one sometime ago. Whether it will ever happen is another thing. W hat I am talking about is an A Line summer dress done in Red. I saw one sometime ago in a Mall far from where I live and it has always stuck in my mind. Whether I will ever be able to find one will be another thing. Well what I mean is as close to the Original as possible. Maybe that can be a Project for the New Year unless something else comes up in the mean time. If I did get it, the question would be where would I hide it. Hiding panties and those kinda things is no big deal since they are so small. Hiding a Dress is another thing all together. Well I will have to wrap My Mind around this One.

French

I have been filing my Nails so it looks like the French Style of doing Nails. Unfortunately as I have said before that my Nails grow really quick so I have to keep filling them down so that I don't attract attention. Literally the white of the Nail must be barely visible. Which leaves the corners looking a bit weird. At least I can boast about something and that being My Nails.

Again

So everything remains the same for the moment. That being My Meds. Saw the Doctor today will only see the Doctor in the New Year. Seems that everyone is gearing up for the Festive Season.

Thin

So one thing I am curious about is this. Well I came back from gym just now. No here are all sorts that frequent the Gym. The one I cant figure is these really thin Girls. Which don't really need Gym because they are so Thin. What they do need to do is eat a Cow. Seriously they should weight should be more there focus than Gym. You need something to be there to build it up. I would give My collection of "cant think now of what I would give" but none the less to have their problem would be awesome. Ok now I am not talking about being Anorexic. I am talking about Girls that are naturally thin.

Tomorrow

Yes tomorrow I must go for my fortnightly check in regards to My Meds. Not too sure how much longer it will continue like this. Ordinarily it would be once a month. Well lets see what tomorrow brings.

Angie, transgender teen, 17 years old, NYC, trans

It Gets Better, Jodie Harsh

I Would Really Like to See

I would love to see the Reactions of people if Four Drag Queens were to walk into a Mall and go into a Fancy Restaurant. Sit down have meal etc as anyone else would do. The whole Mall would come to a stand still.Yep, It would be like watching a Film in Slow Motion. Everyone with there Mouths Open standing there aghast. Yep now if I were to Come Out I would be like that. Everyone would Stop and Stare. Forget about what they would say, someone has to shock them out of there Complacency. Plus I would not give a flying Hoot ( or Fig for that matter) what they were to think. ( I like Jodie Harsh's Style) Just like Freddie Mercury from Queen sang "I want to be Free"

I Was

There was something that I was thinking about earlier But it slipped mt Mind. Like you really needed to know that. Oh right it came to me now. Right it was not what I was thinking but an Observation. Now its gonna sound so simple. I was just watching how everyone is all ready gearing up for the Festive Season. You see people with that blank stare running around the Malls. Just like that look when you see them shopping at the last minute. Like I have to get that thing. Well today that's the look I saw on People's faces rushing around the Mall. I Just went there to pick up a few small things. Generally on Weekends you will notice that I am in the Malls a bit more than usual. I don't really go to Malls during the week.

Eddie Izzard on Q TV

Converted

Yes that's right as of now I am a dedicated Fan Of Eddie Izzard. Just cant get enough of Him. I have a one night Me Time coming up this week. Which will probably be the last one of the year. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. ( which is interpreted as a Scream). So on the night I will get another of His Dvds. Which I will watch avidly. I might even get one of those whistles you have Xmas. No I am Kidding.

Laugh

So I have just come back from the Mall. Sent something in to be repaired  So I'm walking down on the Side Walk and put my Foot on this step that happened to have water on it. Well I'm sure you know what comes next. Well needless to say I went flying and fell on My Rear End for others that would be My Bum or Butt. Which really took me by surprise is that someone stopped to ask me If I was OK  While Splayed on the side walk I said to the fellow that I had slipped. Out of this whole affair I took two things away with Me. The First been My Rear End was Sore and Secondly a Restored Belief in mankind  Well not necessarily all but there are a few Good Ones still left. The few that have not become jaded. Good for you keep up the good work.

Back

So I am back from the Therapist. Went Ok still too short the sessions. Before you even get started it has finished.

Day 3 (Half Day) Me Time

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh it goes way too quickly for anyone's liking. So there we go Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh. last few hours of me Time. Then I am back to the restricted Closet for me. I think it will be Awhile before I will have the opportunity Of some length for me Time. Just as normal Holidays go quickly then me Time goes even faster. Last night I was watching a Dvd of "Eddie Izzard" which was Hilarious. At least I had some Comedic Therapy. Didn't really stay up too late since I had to see My Therapist today

Cool

So I almost forgot that I am seeing My Therapist tomorrow. Which in a way is quite Sad for it really marks the last Day of Me Time that is left for Me. Well enough of that let me not belabor the Point. I just cant believe how fast the Weeks are Flying by. In fact this year has flown. Well at least for me it has. I cant even remember how many sessions I have had with this Therapist. You know one those It feels like years yet it has been a short time.

Beth Ditto talks about bullying

Day 2 Of Me Time

So last night was a bit of a Party. Had some Vod and Orange Juice. Was watching a Documentary called "Bully". Just really sad they follow some Kids and have parents of Kids that had committed Suicide due to Bullying. Not that we don't know that it is happening. Its just this way it brings it closer to Home. I have included a Beat Bullying Vlog with Beth Ditto whom I adore.
So today I'm having a rather quite day since I drank bit too much last night. Painted My toenails which I will have to clean off tomorrow since tonight is my last Me Time Night and then it ends tomorrow afternoon all together.
I went and got some McDonalds for Lunch. Which I have to say I enjoyed. I very rarely have McDonalds. So its more of treat for me. I also got Supper and Dvds for to night. Yeah I know it sounds lame. Obviously I cant go out since I might be recognized or found out ( Its not worth all that will happen if I am Outed). So I do my little thing in the widened Closet for the Me Times. Trying to entertain Myself.
So when Me Time is over I get back into My Normal Closet and continue as normal. Then wait for the next me Time so i can sigh a sigh of relief in the small opportunity afforded me.

Day 1 Of Me Time

They used to be Girls vac. Where I went a bit ballistic now its simply me Time. I eventually figured that irrespective of whether you wear Panties put on Make up you are still essentially you. its just the same you just dolled up a little bit. Not that there is anything wrong with dolling up at all. It almost as if to say that doing daily chores you need to get dressed up or even watch Telly you need to have Make Up on. It certainly works for some and there is nothing wrong with that. Whatever floats your boat, so to speak. So essentially I think I will do the usual today maybe get some Dvd's to watch tonight and just relax which I am very good at. lol. Who knows maybe have something to drink. We will se how it goes.

How to Apply Eyeliner

Me Time

So from tomorrow I will be having some Me time. With which I will probably use to relax since I drank way too much booze this Saturday passed. So will avoid that for awhile. its a pity though.

Tread Mill

So I have discovered a new machine at the gym and that is the Tread Mill. I know it sounds a bit weird but  I can assure you its True. In our Gym there are two levels. At the bottom is all the cardio machines and at the top is all the weights and tread Mills. Now before you all or too excited I only walk on the Mill quite fast. I certainly don't run on it. I don't really want to exert Myself like others do. I really don't want to appear all muscle bound. I just want to be normal. So that the reason for all of that.

I Was

I was thinking about something and now I haven't a clue what I was thinking about that's what happens when you run around. My dreams at the moment are really awesome. Only thing is I keep waking up when the Dream is getting really interesting. Why the Heck that happens I have no Idea.
Ok I remembered now its about themes repeating themselves in regards to being Trans and in the Closet. I suppose its not much different for Normal People since they have themes that run through their lives. Except we have those plus the additional stuff that run through our lives. What has been concerning me lately is the difference between the Reality of stuff as opposed to the Fantasy. By Fantasy I mean how you picture yourself in your mind as well as how you see things working Out as opposed to the reality of things. This topic is enough to make anyone Depressed. Unfortunately the difference between the two is Often really huge. This is probably one of the main reasons we suffer from Depression. Every now and then you will see a post that is similar to this since its a topic that really does not go away. Its all to do with Expectations. Unfortunately sometimes our expectations can be often misplaced. Scream it almost be like a nightmare but here there is no release.

Busy

So today has been one of those Busy like a Bee days. With so much to do at least I manged to get it all done.

In the Mall

So I have just come back from running around at the Mall. Something struck which has happened before a number of times. It was simply that a lot of Females aren't really feeling themselves. What I mean about is that they are just slouching around like if they were just cleaning the house. They could be running around in lingerie and it would not make a difference. I can understands Mothers since their Kids run them ragged. yet the rest really have no excuse. I suppose its because their life's are very Mundane and Grey. Well who really Knows what needs to be done for people to feel sexy.

Yesterday

So I wanted to post something for yesterday. That is why I had the Blah Blah posts posted. Well unfortunately I had a lite too much Red wine and was not going to be able to Post Anything. I feel fine so no Hangover or anything. Slept a little bit late today. Could have slept a little bit longer but did not.

Party

Running out of the Door have to go to a Party. Hopefully will back in time top post some more

Me Time

So this coming week I have Two nights Me Time which is so cool. Unfortunately I wont be so stocked up with Party Provisions. lol. Well irrespective I am going to make the most of the opportunity  I prefer the long Ones like Five Days. So I can really get stuck into. A small one does not really allow me to Paint My Nails or anything like that. Never the less I have an Idea to get around that well we will see if it works.

I'm Back

So The Girl is back from her Appointment with her Therapist. Which was an Ok Session. Not all sessions can be Mind Blowing. Some of them can be a real drudge. I don't even know how many I have had with this particular Therapist. Not that that makes any difference. Generally I don't keep score. Its just such a waist of Energy.

On My Way

So getting ready to go see my Therapist. Its been two weeks since I have seen My Therapist. Only thing is I don't get two sessions for the One I missed. lol. So I whipped out My Black Thong with the pretty little bow from My Secret Stash for the occasion. Well a girl has to Doll Up.

How to Put on a Wig

Just For Fun

have you ever decide to do a search on your name in Google or whatever search Engine you use. So I did one today on my Name. Well there is the fact that I'm on Facebook and excerpts from MY Blog. The best one is where a question is posed for  Pinterest. It goes something like this.

"Are you sure you wish to report Stasya ? Report Stasya Doll Report Report & Block Don't report If you block Stasya, you won't be able to Follow each other, ..."

Which I have to say is Hilarious. Yes I am on Pinterest since I was curios about what purpose it served. Well once I did I decided that I would not Pin there only when I am really bored. It really is just a digital version of Scrap booking. So if someone where to Block me for what ever reason which beyond me it really would make any difference. Since this is my Primary source of Expression.

You Tube

So I'm going through all the Vlogs that I want to download while I am at gym. I notice that there is a lot of bad Vlogs whether it be quality,sound, topic etc. So it got me thinking that maybe You Tube should start a rating system. So that we don't waist time on all the ............. out there ( I have left the space open so you can insert the word that best fits the sentence for you. I suppose that its not much different than the Internet where there is a proliferation of .............. ( Here we go again.) lol. It really irks me when you have to wade through all the Shite to get to anything decent specifically when your doing a search. That is on the search engines.

Back

So I'm back from Gym. Wash-ed my Body. getting ready to go Out to meet somebody quite far here. So I am killing time before I go. So I always get Jealous when I go to Gym seeing all those Females running around. And me just stuck. I will say that I have Fab Legs. So at least I can count on that. I just have to work on the rest. My nails are killer.Most Females would die to have nails like I have. They are thick as well as not being brittle. When I  went for a manicure They really did not have much to do. My nail bed is in excellent condition. I am know focusing on my feet. I want them (my toes) to be the same. Unfortunately you cant take them out of your shoes and fiddle with them. Where as with your  fingers you can. Well that goes without saying.

Gym

Getting set to go punish My Body. Well that's how I see Gym. Really cant stand it. But need to do to get into Shape. I am kinda hovering around Two weight One , One Down just cant seem to break the Cycle. The worst part is that the Festive Season is coming up. Where I will probably gain all that I have lost and in the new year and will have to start again. Damn. The never ending battle.

"Please Just Disappear"

I was watching Telly last night and saw this program where they were doing a top 5 list of all the celebs that should just keep quite. Which I thought was really cool. So I thought I would start something similar where we have a "Please Just Disappear" list or dependent on how many would need to disappear  basically its all the people that are annoying and overexposed and we are tired of hearing from them. So on top of My list would be Rihanna and Chris Brown I really would love for them just to vanish, enough now. The next bunch is The Kardashians please just go away we have had enough. Just like Paris Hilton disappeared these need to do the same.We really just don't need to hear any more of their drivel any more. If you like these Stars more Power to you but from my own personal view point I cant say that I do.

Megan Fox Makeup

Sadly

For some strange reason I just began to neglect my Beauty Regime. I have started a new one. Since I notice that most people forget to do their Throats, Chest, Feet and Toes. Then I do my Face. A moisturizer for the eyes and a moisturizer for the face both from Bobby Brown. I used to concentrate on my Face till I thought what else do People see and don't take care of. Those are the ones I have mentioned and lets not forget about the all Important one and that is the Hands. While your moving around in the Malls or Streets look at Peoples Throats and see the difference between that and their Faces. You see more vividly with those that are Older especially Women.

So

 I actually went and had a quick snooze. So feeling better than just now. lol. Go Figure. I just don't like that oooOHH I need to sleep and you fight it. It just does not work. I always wonder if my sounds come across as they should be like oooOH for instance.

Tired 2

For some strange I still feel a bit tired. I really could jump on my Bed and have a snooze or a nap. Whether it was from the Do or its just me feeling tired normally.

Today

So I am back from seeing my Doctor today. All is going well with My Meds which makes for a change. For the time being I am seeing the Doctor every two weeks so that I can be monitored..

Pre Notice NOTICE

So just to Forewarn anybody that is interested. I will be away for 2 and a Half Weeks over December and January. So round about the 23rd will be last post for the year and I should be back roundabout the Tenth of Jan. I will put this notice again closer to the Time and give exact dates as well. So be Forewarned. I do this every year. So the rest of the year I am constantly posting.
This Blog would have been larger but I deleted 2 before this one all under my Name. This one will not be deleted.

Yippie

So at least the The Construction Guys have moved on. So the noise has abated. Which I should throw a Party. cant stand Construction going on around me. Just so bloody noise as well as all the dust and everything. So Yippie I don't have to deal with that any more.

The Moment

So at the Moment I am catching up the Vlogs I missed yesterday. Well I did not download them before I went to Gym. So I doing that now. No I don't save them.

Before

Before the Party we just pop into a Mall. Not really to do any thing specific. Just wasting time before the Bash.  I got three tops which was quite cool. Not that I was looking for anything at the time. So in a sense Malls are quite dangerous for your always seeing something that your Cupboard could do with. I think if you don't really intend on buying anything. Just leave the Cash behind. That way even if you see something you really like you cant buy it.

Tired

So yesterday a friend of the Family had a Birthday Bash. Hence the fact I never posted. Food was good as well as all the rest. Just feeling a bit tired. Kinda like Jet Lag where your Body has not caught up with your Mind.

Cool

So I was flying around the malls today looking for a couple of things. One thing in specific. That is some black pin stripe slacks. which I happened to find. Which was so cool. I have seen one other some time ago but I don't think I will be able to find them again. well you cant always get what you want. So I took the One that I found and will keep my eyes open for another. Besides Black i am looking for A dark Blue one as well Pinstripe definitively.
I also mange to catch out the corner of eye a lingerie set that I thought was fab. obviously I was not able to buy them. These kinds things I have catch a glimpse of. Anything longer than that will attract attention. Now we would not want that.

Depeche Mode - Suffer Well

Night Time Make-up - Golden Smokey Cat Eye

Vlogs

So at the moment I am watching all the Vlogs that I down load while I am at the gym. I normally download a few lets say 5 or 6. Dependent on which Vlogs I think I should watch on a specific day. ( I have to say that the Spell Check can be a Bit dense at times, Just a bit) lol. Anyway I do Love my Vlogs as well as My Bed. Not to say that those are the only things I Love.

Bed

So I was woken up really early by the working crew. The guys that are doing the construction. So I was awake before my Time. So I decide to reward my self with an extra hour in bed. lol. I Love My Bed. Well I suppose there are some you that don't like sleeping in. Well I happen to Love my Sleep. (Remembering I am being treated for Depression)
Huh Depression Yes. You get stuck in The Closet and see what happens. Yes I have things to play with in The Closet but that will never compare to the real thing. Plus I would not be satisfied with the Norm when it comes to being Out. I would one of those Trannies that would revel in the Fact that I am Trans. You would certainly know that I am without me having to tell you. something like Amanda Lepore before she had all the major surgery.

Naughty

So I'm back from Gym. Only thing is I ate half a bar of chocolate. Which is Six rows. Well that depends on how big the bar is. Never the less. (Mint chocolate to be precise. Just love the little bits of crunchy mint in them) It seems that round about now each day I get a craving for a couple of rows of Chocolate. Talk about sabotaging myself. lol. I think its just one of the phases I go through every now and then. I'm sure it will change soon. Well I am hoping that it does. it has to change because I don't want to look like a lump of Chocolate. lol

Spelling

 Thank goodness for spell check and Google. The amount of times I get stuck trying to spell a word. I know the word I know what it means but he spelling eludes me. Well at least I know the word.

Its Ok

So I am still doing the Gym thing. Haven't fallen off anything lately. Which is good for the ego. Very slowly but surely I am beginning to lose some weight. Although it does tend to fluctuate. So just when I think I am doing well it goes up again. I suppose I will just have to press forward. More like Crawl forward.
I did get some pink gym panties awhile back. Unfortunately they are pink which will stick out in the wash. I have worn them once or twice but left it at that. The possibly of being Outed is too great. Just not willing to take a chance. The fact that I have them is enough for me. Hidden somewhere in my cupboard along with all the rest of my Trans Uniform. lol secretly. More like a Snigger.

Still

So I still have the Construction going on around me. Which i wish would end. You know it always feels like it drags on and on. Plus the mess the area is because of the construction, Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Just a bit

I am feeling just a bit depressed at the moment. Plus I wont be able to see my Therapist. The Therapist is taking a long weekend. So I will only be able to see the Therapist the end of next week. Well I will just have to cope unfortunately. So add to that I have workmen doing doing stuff in around us. Which means things are not quite at the moment. So I cant be left in my Misery. When I am like this I prefer to be in a space that is quiet. I suppose you cant always get what you want.

Nails

Yes I had to cut My nails again unfortunately they grow too fast. I think I am going to file them down into a more inconspicuous French look just without the nail polish and hardly any white showing. Which really means they will be square.

Wait

So I saw the Doctor yesterday. I had to wait Three Hours before I even saw the guy. Plus there was a Mother and her child there. The child just could not sit still and kept bugging its mother. We are talking about a Ten Year Old. So that was an exercise in practicing Patience. Or trying not to fall asleep I don't know which one. lol.

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go have a check up at a Doctor. It is important that you do it. Just as much as you need to service your car so you must make sure that everything is in working order. Must say that I spend quite a lot of time seeing Doctors for one or another Reason. They should just give me my own room so that I can just move in. It would makes things a lot simpler. lol.

All Types

I suppose that looking at a Blog is done in a number of ways. The most commonly used is the Snapshot type. What I mean by that is you only look at postings that interest you. As opposed to a follower that read each and every Post. These are more common types of  perusing Blogs. There are Vloggers that I follow and I try to watch all of there posts if I could just get them in sequence. i prefer to see every from the beginning to the end. This way you travel along with the Vlogger as they move through Life. I suppose It takes all types. Plus we all have our personal preferences.

Transgender Awareness!

Home

Nomads put up tent where ever their needs are met. It would not make sense to pitch your tent where there is nothing around for thousands of Miles. The Camels need to eat and drink water just as much as there Human counterparts have needs. So now that we have that established. Mentally where does a Closeted T Girl pitch her Tent. Where is Home.

Try To Hold On

It will get difficult every now and then. Well more than every now and then. We just have to try and hold on. Find something that will help you keep your sanity. For me its doing this Blog and going through Vlogs that I find on YouTube. Maybe a few other things but they don't stand out.
Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Really it can get tough. Trust Me. Sometimes you just want Scream. When I say Scream I mean really Scream.

Mirror

So we all know the Fairy Tale with "Mirror Mirror on the Wall who is the Fairest of them all"  we all know what it is like to look in the Mirror only to see that the person That is looking back is not us. We also know that the Image of ourselves and eve ho we feel about ourselves does not match the way We Present. This is all well known by People that are Trans. I was thinking if someone where to Come Out and go on the road  to Transition. What if the final result that they see is not anything like they had imagined. I am sure it happens a lot. That's where Plastic Surgery comes in for those that can afford. What about those that cannot afford Facial Feminisation.  So to some extent Life can be quite Cruel. I would suppose that these people might not want Transition for that very reason. This is quite often on my Mind.

Red Wine

So I am at the Red Wine again. Which is a weekend staple. Well at least there are some things I can enjoy irrespective of whether I am closeted. these are the small pleasures of life. No Red Wine is not the only thing I drink. the one thing I don't like and that  is Cane and Gin. It tastes like Paint Thinners. I suppose that their are those that do and that is no big deal. Its just a personal preference. Cocktails are really awesome if done correctly.

Watching

I have so many labels that sometimes I am not sure which ones to use. So i make another One. That just adds to the long list being created. Eventually all I Will have is a huge list instead of a blog. lol
So I am watching one of the Boys from Androgenetics going through their Life Story. So its interesting seeing what others are going through and where they come from. It always allow us to view the person with a bit more Insight. Rather than just a Talking head.

Waiting

So I sent a T Girl that I found on the net a message for her to contact me. Well I have been aware of her for quite awhile. Not that means anything. Its like saying I sent Ana Mancini a message and I'm waiting for her to respond. If you have a Channel on You Tube you must have hundreds of people wanting to connect with yourself.
Anyway so I have been waiting. I suppose its the anticipation which drives you Insane. Its Like waiting for a Bus in the most God Forsaken stretch of Road. Where you haven't seen any cars come by. Even after Awhile you begin to question yourself . Is there really a bus coming . Then again I am dehydrated and hallucinating.
Did I send that message, does she still check her Facebook. Is she just ignoring me. or does this this sound a little to pathetic. Shame poor me Lol.

Closet

So I am back from My Therapist. Still the Sessions are way too short.
I have come to a conclusion. That I have created a alternative Reality to cope with my longing to be Out and functional as a T Girl. Others would say that you are living in your head. I suppose there is many ways to describe being disassociated from Reality and even your body. I think that those that are Out almost forget what it was like to be stuck. I cant say that it is same for every one. That would be a generalization. We all become voyeurs to some degree or other. simply because anything else would be like a constant darkness with no end in sight. I am sure that there of us who committed suicide for some  reason or other.
I personally know of a T Girl that is not allowed to come out and she has already try to commit suicide.  This is no Joke in fact its deadly serious. Actually its quite depressing to say the least. When does end and Get Better.

Tomorrow

I am off to see My Therapist tomorrow which is cool. I always look forward to the session. Unfortunately it goes too fast. You feel like you only got started then its over. I suppose its the same for anything you enjoy. Strange to say that you enjoy Therapy for sometimes it can be quite harrowing. Well for me its a question of being myself in a small time in space. Where I get to say what I feel and the focus is on me. Where else can you be yourself if you have set up camp in the closet. lol.

Thankful

I am really Thankful for all the Vlogs done by T Girls. It makes for a better form of communication than the Blog. Not to say that Blogs don't serve a purpose. Well it allows me to remain anonymous. Although my name is my name and some people in the Trans Family will recognize My name. So to that degree I am sort of Anonymous.
So back to the Vlogs. Its more personal to see and hear the Person who is posting their Vlog. It allows the Viewer more access into the person who is posting the Vlog.

Trans girls like us deserve to love life too

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to go and punish My Body at the Gym. Slowly but surely I am increasing the time that I spend there. I want to do an hour at the maximum. At the moment I am only doing Forty Minutes. As I have stated before, I am not a Gym Bunny and just want to look normal. Not bulging in all weird places. It really is the battle against the Flab that I am busy with at the moment. Its going very slowly at the moment since I am not really pushing Myself too hard.

Perfect Liquid Eyeliner Tutorial

Plastic Surgery

I have been watching an Interview done with Pete Burns of "Dead or Alive" fame. Simply the discussion was around all the Surgery he has had done. Which has gone bit too far on the Mouth/Lips. In the earlier cosmetics Surgeries he looks fab. Its just that now his lips look like a Trout's lips. If you can call it that.

For us its just a matter of trying to get Our Faces done too look more Feminine. So dependent on how the person looks will determine how much surgery needs to be done. Obviously we are not looking to have that Plastic look. When someone has had too much Surgery done. Its more of a natural look to fit in rather than to stand out.

I personally would want quite a bit to be done to the extent that no one would recognize me. Well I would need it. Plus I am not some one that would want to go Stealth. I would want to celebrate that I am Trans. I am not and never will be ashamed or apologetic too the extent that I would want hide amongst the Masses  Obviously I cant do it now and most probably will never be able to. Since my Closetedness ( I invented this term lol)  is one because of the circumstances I find myself in wont allow for it.

If your considering go under the Knife please do a lot of research on the Dr you have chosen. If a miracle would happen. I know of two Surgeons possibly three that I would go to. Simply because or referrals and I have seen the work of one of them. The rest by reputation amongst T girls wold over.

Just a Bit

So I gained One and half over the weekend. So it was a little of a bummer. So hopefully I will be able to ditch it this week and get back to what I was. Still got a way until I get to my goal weight.

Almost

For a moment there was a hic up with my net connection. I was not sure how long it was going to take before it was operational. Especially since I was not able to post today yet. So I was just a little bit concerned. Fortunately it came back on. Well I wouldn't have been able to post this had it not. lol

Meds

Saw the Doctor again today. My Meds were increased just two weeks. Well lets see if it makes any difference.

On My Mind

I have had Vanessa on my mind a lot. She is the one that went to Mexico for the surgery. She is the one that made her money through Prostitution, Because she could not afford it any other way. A fair number of Trans Girls resort to Prostitution to exist and to be able to afford whatever. Society is not that accepting of T Girls. Its such a pity. I would really like it to be that all of T Girls would have access to Facilities and Health Care. So at least they don't have to go some dodgy Mexican surgeon to have stuff done.

Must

I must get My Tattoo on My back finished  Been procrastinating for awhile. Then again it might take me awhile longer to get done. Well we shall see what happens. I am not holding my breath. Its been awhile since I saw my Tattoo Artist. She is really Fab. Like a little cute Pixie. might need to just pop into say Hi.

Yesterday

Sorry to say. I did not get up to any mischief last night. In fact I went to bed early. I Love My Bed. Did watch a little bit of Telly. Had the one show of John Galliano. Some of the dresses where really Fab. Had a little Red wine and a cold pasta salad for supper. All in all a very quite night for Me.

Today

So far its just like any other day. Well that's Me time until sometime tonight. The longer ones work out a lot better. Since there is more time for me to do what I want. Well that goes without saying. Watching the fourth part of the 20/20 documentary. I don't know if I have dealt with this before. A number of the T Girls have to resort to Prostitution to support themselves and their Transition  GID is Probably one of the most costly diagnoses since there is so much that needs to be done. The Hormones is a lifetime commitment. At best its heartbreaking to see T Girls going through such extreme ways to get to Transition. There really has to be a better way.

Good News

So I saw the Therapist today. I was told by the Therapist that it will One and a Half years before moving on. It makes it easier then since the Sessions can flow better. As opposed to just a few sessions and then Nothing. its important to find a Therapist that will be with you for the long haul. The Sessions are more beneficial since you don't have to keep going through the same thing over and over.

Back

So I just got back. Sneaked off to a bottle store to get some more Red Wine. because I am having a Me Day tomorrow  Unfortunately it does not include a night away. Which would have been cool.

Tomorrow

So Tomorrow I am seeing my Therapist. it turns out that I see the Therapist once a week. I am particulary feeling Fragile at the moment. Just waiting for confirmation to see if this Therapist is going to stay at this Hospital. if not it means going through the same Process again. Which for the most part is Laborious. it gets a bit much when you have to repeat your history over and over again. Therapy takes a long time before you notice any benefits. Also remembering that you will have to get one of them to sign off on your SRS if you ever happen to go that far.

Lucky

These are the Lucky ones. Especially if your family is behind you and are supportive. For the rest of us its the usual of nerve racking either being stuck in the Closet or wanting to come out. The Coming Out is the harder since you have no idea as to how people are going to react. Most the time you are surprised by who is supportive and who is not. Well its the old story repeated time and time again. If you listen to the stories of those that have Come Out. There is a common Thread that runs through them.

Boys will be girls 20/20 Documentary Part 1 of 4

Boys will be girls 20/20 Documentary Part 2 of 4

Boys will be girls 20/20 Documentary Part 3 of 4

Boys will be girls 20/20 Documentary Part 4 of 4

Trans

I think I have touched on this before. That what defines you as being Trans. Personally I think that it is as simple as knowing that you are Trans is enough. Notice I did not say thinking. I you really know you are Trans that is enough. You don't even have to be on the road to transition  You don't have to be Pre or even Post. Hormones or nor Hormones that is irrelevant. people place too much emphasis on the process than actually just supporting each other as Trans. No matter what.
If you lived on an island and had no access to all the medical prescribed steps to Transition. Would you not be Trans, that would be ludicrous.

Nails

So I cut them because they were starting to get really long. My nails grow extremely quick and are thick as well. So I had to go back to the Male acceptable length. which is nothing.

You would Think

You would think that we all are supportive of each other but it really boils down to the fact that your on your own at the end of the day. Well you don't have to be Trans to feel this way. it is just particularly acute for us. Well that's the ones who are closeted. You will often hear me referring to this particular subject over and over. Since you really do get tired of playing alone in the closet. There is only so much that you can do. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Well at least that's not done falling off the edge of a cliff. Plus I have had to tone it down so that I don't get caught. Which is always a risk. I just don't want to see my world implode.

Coming Along

So Gym is coming along slowly but surely. Lost a couple just hope that I can keep it that way. Its harder to loose than to gain. We all know this very well.

Awesome

So for the moment my nails are looking awesome. Which I will probably have to cut soon before they attract too much attention. Since which male has stunning Nails. lol This is the one thing that I have going for me and that is my nails are fantastic.

I Tried

I was in a music store today. I thought I would look up and see if they had "Placebo" "Androgyny". Unfortunately they did not have on their system. So I asked to see if they could find it for me. Hopefully They will be able to find since Placebo is one of My Fav bands. I shouldn't have to tell why They are on of my Fav bands. Get one of their cds or better yet look at one of their clips on the You Tube Channel. then you will understand. Ok I will give you a slight clue the Lead Singer is Androgynous.

Lazy Day

I got up late and then was running around the shops looking for something specific. Unfortunately was not able to find the thing. Supposedly they don't make it any more. So I am bit late. You cant always get what you want. So now I have to look for someone that can make it. Which will involve a lot of running around again. Well that's Life no getting around it. Its amazing how quickly things come and go. You can never rely on the fact that it will be there the next time your there. So a lot of time I try to get when I first see it. That is if I dont have a list of things to get. Which I normally have. Except I have come to the conclusion that we really do not need so much Shite in our Lives. So I wont be buying just about anything any more.

I'm Back

Back from my session with my Therapist. The sessions go so quickly. It almost feels like you just getting started and then its time to go. I really do wish they could be longer. Well when I see my other Therapist then is normally a lot longer than one hour. Which I prefer.

Leaking

I have been thinking about this again. Leaking would be when Feminine traits sneak out while your in Your Male Persona. WE all have a perception of the way we look from the Inside Out. That's why a lot of us hate our Male Bodies. Since the Outside does not reflect the Inside at all. Unless your one of the Gorgeous set. You know the ones I am talking about like Ana Mancini for example. Now she is an absolute stunner. There are others but we are not listing all the Fab T Girls.
So when we feel the need to wear something like a G String it really is for the benefit of our true self's that is leaking through the Male Persona. That's why if you watch really carefully you can see the leaks. It just can not be contained at all. We just try to minimize the amount of leaks. Otherwise we are really Outing Ourselves. Which could be hazardous. Now not all T Girls feel the same way about this. Yet there are of us which it is true of.

To-morrow

So I am beginning to look forward to my sessions with My Therapist. Its the one time in the week I get to come out in front of another human being. Well that's enough to get anyone excited. lol. Yes I know its quite Sad isn't.

Back To Normal

I am Pleased to report that I was able to sleep and I did not sleep an inordinate amount. Although it did cross my mind. Why you say. Well its a well known fact that when your Depressed you sleep more. Its a way with coping with whats going on in your life. So anyone stuck in the Closet will tell you that they are depressed.

Sleep

I have just spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping. Lets put it into figures. 16 to be precise. First time for that. I normally spend quite a bit of time sleeping but not that much. Normally its between 10 and 12 hours dependent on how I feel. I was supposed to meet someone later but they cancelled so I thought what the heck I will sleep in before you know it it was 16 hours. Which then I decided to get up. I just hope I can sleep tonight. Crazy hey.

Pale Foundation: How to

White

So while waiting for the second Doctor I saw this Woman with milk white skin. Which I personally like. I don't go for the fake tan look. Unfortunately I don't pure white skin. I have a pinky white skin. What makes it even better when they have long black hair that too I don't have. I am Blonde. We always want what we don't have.

Two

So I saw two Doctors today. Each to get Meds from. So luckily I did have to wait too long for either. it does not happen very often that I get to see two on the same day.

Interesting

I was watching a short Documentary on Jodie Marsh we she went to The States for a Competition. Just loved the red hair. I thought I would just say that. Put it out there. lol

Stop

So for the Moment I have to stop buying Clothes since I have more than enough. Well that is My normal clothes. In as far as Panties go I have way too many so even that side of My Clothes I have to stop. Only if I see something absolutely stunning will think about it.

Feeling

Still have nothing about me supposed to be doing something. Kinda just blank at the moment. Nothing Monumental to report.

Very Important

It is very important that you understand that I am a closeted T  Girl. There are only 4 people who know about it and two of those are Therapists.

Further than that everything I write about is down behind the scenes if you want to use that term of phrase. Its not like I run around openly doing all these things. Pretty much all of it is done in such a way that I will not be outed. The worst thing of all is that I am going to be in The Closet till the day I DIE. The situation that I am in is very complicated. When I talked about being depressed I mean really Depressed not the generic Unhappy. yes I am on Meds for the Depression. This is being treated as Depression and nothing else. The Doctors do not know about My G.I.D.
Nothing short a Miracle will be able to change my situation.
This Blog is done as an Outlet ( A way to express myself) for me since I only have Therapists that I can see and talk to about whats happening  That too is complicated. Since both have been told by myself that they can not disclose anything I say or do.

Feeling

I just have got this very Strange feeling. I cant explain it since I don't even know what its. All I do know is that I am supposed to be doing specific. Just the weirdest thing. Then it could be from too much Red Wine. it is almost like Deja Vu except its not a place but rather something I should be doing and its not tied to anything specific. Then again It might be because I ate too many hamburgers.

Howl

So sad. So it finally happened. That is the demise of the first Chat Room Forum that I was on. Very sad to see it go. I don't think there will be anything to replace. So its left a rather large vacuum behind. Well that's life you can always count on things changing. Some just have longer staying power than others. Never the less it is still sad to see it go. For the moment I will lament its demise.

Cool

Saw My Therapist today. The session went really fast. The sessions are 50 minutes in length even though they feel like 10 minutes. Still doing the History part will start on the more serious parts next time. Therapy is a very slow process. So you cant expect miracles to happen immediately.

JHCosmetics - Skincare

On the Morrow

So I will be seeing My new Therapist tomorrow again. Which I have to say that I am looking forward to it. My Therapist is quite good. For us T Girls its an on going thing so really its just another thing to do. Plus if you were ever to transition you  would need someone to sign off for SRS. Not that I would ever be able to since my Closeted Case is a permanent thing. Unless an absolute Miracle were to happen. And I mean a Complete absolute Miracle. It would have to be huge covering a number of areas in my Life. So I am being cryptic  Well it goes with the territory that of being Closeted.

Its Ok

My efforts at the Gym are yielding very slow results  Lost a couple not much to write to home about. Kinda Hovering around the same amount. Not that I am a gym bunny. I don't try to kill myself on the machines as others do. I take it rather leisurely. Supposedly for my Body and Blood type I am not to do strenuous exercise or High Impact. Which is fine by me. Obviously if were to do the exercises like the Gym Bunnies I would be a lot further down the road.

Saying

"WHEN DAYS ARE DARK FRIENDS ARE FEW"

Watching

So I have been watching some of the Vlogs from AndroGenetics. Specifically Monday and Thursday. Thursday is quite Witty and Monday we all know as Michael James. Basically to lift ones Spirits. Its a pity that we don't have something similar for the TransGender community.

Struggle

I am really struggling with what the Meds have done to me. Its like its changed me. I am no longer the same any more. Even posting on this Blog is taking a lot of effort. Not that concerns anyone. Ok I am feeling a little make that a lot different. Just wish I could get back to what I was.

Why

Why is it only through a complete change are we able to express ourselves. What is it with ourselves that we have to resort to such extreme situations before we are able to come out.

So Redifined

Ok so I am little bit drunk at the moment listening to ELO. Its no longer Girls Vac now its Me Time. Which is going to happen  less often. Times change so does the time we spend free also become less. Need less to say I stay the same. Amongst all the effort it takes to make sense. Heaven forbid I lose it.

Yet Again

Yes was crawling through The Malls today again, yes again. Kinda tired at the moment. A little Red Wine goes a long way in taking the edge off. I just got a Sketch Pad for me to do Doodles in. Nothing fancy I was actually looking for the book form but could not get in the Price Range. There were ones down in Moleskin. Which really  is not appropriate for what I want to use for. Plus they are damn expensive. So I got the cheap one which is not like a book. What can you do. You cant always get what you want.

Again

So was running around again at the Malls. saw some Interesting stuff. Lingerie to be precise. Not that I bought any. I did however get a pair of pants. Which was a lucky find. Like I said I am not really looking for Clothes at the moment. Since I have more than enough. I guess its one of those impulse buying type things. A momentary lapse in reason. Unfortunately it does happen to me quite often. I am really trying to curb the Impulse shopping at the moment. Which I have to say that I am doing quite well at I have only bought two pair's of pants in the last while. I am also running out of space at the moment. Since my cupboard is really small and is already stuffed. I cant really afford to get any more clothing at this moment. You would not say that after me having bought two pairs of pants in the last while. Don't let that fool you. I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes I will buy something instead of getting food. Or at least half the money I have One half for essentials and the Other Half on frivolous stuff. Emphasis on Stuff. Cupboard space taking stuff.

So

So I got to see My Therapist today. What is really cool is that is that the Therapist is part of the LGBTQ family. So it makes so much easier to relate to my Therapist. For a first Session it was not bad. The first one is always hit and miss. Think of it as an Ice breaker session. Just getting to know each other. It really takes awhile before you actually get to the Therapy. Your probably thinking Woop so lot of people go to see Therapists. For those that are in The Closet its quite different. Its the one time you get to let your guard down. Its the only place where I get to speak to someone Face to Face about anything and everything.

Yes

So I get to see my new Therapist tomorrow. The Therapist sounds cool. Then again that was over the phone. So we will have to find out the hard way. More Importantly I am starting Therapy hopefully on a sustained basis. Well lets not get our hopes up to soon.

Yesterday

So I got to talk to my Sister yesterday which was cool since I hadn't heard from her in awhile. Well it was on the net through one of the chat rooms. None the less it was good to hear from her again. Yes I know it sounds bizarre.

Placebo - Running Up That Hill

Dr

well I will be seeing My Doctor today for the once a month check in. Should be alright today since the Meds appear to be working. Now I just need a pill for motivation. lol. No Jokes life is very strange that way. Just when your getting the one side fixed then another problem surfaces. Life is pretty relentless. It just never stops does it.

Irritants

It always amazes how some people can be real Irritants. Just about anything they do gets under your skin. The worst part is that you cant make them go away. Like a fly for instance  You just zap it with some spray and it dies and stays dead. lol

New One

Was running around at the malls and managed to get a pair of Black pants which is cool. Kinda got too much clothes at the moment. So I am not really looking out for new Clothes. Not that I am really fond of the Colours that are out at the moment.

Surprise

Surprise One my Girlfriends from way back contacted me out of the Blue. Which is really cool to hear from Her. When I last spoke to her she was going through a rough patch. Well needless to say Im ecstatic

So

So I went to see the DR today. They reckon that my new Meds are working for me. Well we will just have to see about that. Since it takes four to six weeks to settle in. Well I will say that they are a lot better than the last regime.

Perfect Wing Eyeliner Cat Eye How to