Maintaining Red Hair with Evo Fabuloso.: Sadlerette

Not

Not going to be drinking tonight at all. I think I did enough partying last night to last me for awhile. Not to say It was really bad or anything. Just every now and then your body says enough. So I am listening this time and calling it quits for now at least. That is not to say I will never drink again the chance of that happening are slim to zero.

Watching

So I was watching A Vlog of a T Girl drinking Vodka and eating in a bubble bath just now. It kinda sounds familiar. I was going to post it. But decide not to since there was a bit of a slip and I am trying to keep My Blog PG at least. Lol. and go .... ......... Just a small joke.

Recovering

So I am recovering from last night. Spent most of the day wholed up in and on My Bed which I love. So feeling better now. Went shopping earlier and did not really go balistic at all. Just got the usual and some Red Velvet cupcakes. Which I am hoping are going to be good. Got another Dvd for tonight. last nights one was ok. Bit of a let down have to say was looking forward to it. Anyway that's how it goes. The Dvd that I wanted to get today was out which was a bummer so had to get another. Hopefully it's better than the one from last night. Well here's hoping.

REQUESTED PINK PROM MAKEUP TUTORIAL! :Sadlerette

Ok

So we are onto the Vodka. Someone is thinking this Girl is an Alcoholic. Got Placebo "Black Market Music playing. So all the Supper stuff is done just waiting for something on Tv to start that I watch every night which has to do with picking Wedding Dresses. Lol. Funny right. Then I will watch my Dvd. After that we will have to see how I feel. Might get onto that forum all dependent as to how I feel. You should try Vodka with Iced tea quite refreshing.

So

So had my pizza although it was really small. I'm thinking about having one of the Tv diners that I have got. I am still so concerned about Sebastian even though it's a thing of the past but it must still weigh on Sebastian heavily. I speak from experience. I am thinking about getting onto one of the forums I used to get on quite frequently. Then again let's see how it goes.

Begin

So I got myself a Dvd to watch tonight and will have a pizza for supper and have already opened the red wine. So let the party begin. Just watching My Vlogs at the moment. I am still thinking about what I want to get tomorrow. That is when I go shopping for stuff, groceries, I mean you know. Well it's really like party planning, what goes with what. What am I in the mood for etc, etc.

Just Love

I just love Sebastian such a wonderful human being. It's always so sad to see such nice people go through so much pain. Still love Sebastian all the best and xoxox.

Self-harm & Recovery: sebastiansimonxo

Placebo - Taste In Men

Have Already

Have Already got an Idea of Dvd's I can Watch. I am not going to list them. It's Dvd's that I would like to watch and  don't have the opportunity to watch them ordinarily. So this is the way I get to catch up on them. Which is really cool. So there's something to look forward to.

Feeling

Feeling a bit better today from the Lostness. Not to say that is has gone. Just don't feel as Lost as the other day. Suppose it's in anticipation of the next couple of days. Then again who knows. It really amazes how many moods and emotions we go through. I am not talking about the ordinary person. I am talking about those that are suppressed. The ordinary person has the privileged of expressing their emotions and moods where as we have to bottle them up and keep a straight face. Well this goes without saying.

Snuck

So did a little bit of running around today in preparation for tomorrow being My First day of aloness. (Every now and then I invent a new word, Yeah Right) more like being lazy enough not to find a word that fits. Well anyway I snuck a bottle of vodka in today. I will get some wine on Friday since I have one already. Well that takes care of the beverages. The rest in simply simple. No I am not an Alcoholic I just have lots to get off My Chest. Lol. Go Figure. The Girl likes to Party. Wish I could do it with some Girl Friends. That would be really cool.

more on womens spaces: Aaron Klein

Back

So I got back from My Session. My Therapist was a bit late which made a little bit anxious. I thought That I would have to travel all the way back without having seen My Therapist. Which would suck. Fortunately My Therapist turned up. So no biggie. So made some progress today. Will still deal with the lost thing for a bit longer. So all in all it all worked out. Lots of all's Lol.

This Weekend

So the weekend coming up I will be alone for Thursday through to Saturday night. Which leaves with the opportunity to relax some what and let my hair down. Well it. just a saying I really don't have enough hair to let down any way. Wish I did. But that's understandable that it's like it is. Or it is was it is. Kinda hate that saying since it sounds so trite. Well got to go.

Getting Ready

So I am getting ready to take the trip to go see My Therapist. Still feeling out of it. I can't seem to get a handle on it at all. It would help me if I knew what was causing it. Hopefully the Session will shed some light on it. I know it sound weird. Well when you can't express yourself fully emotions get suppressed and they come out in weird ways. This just happens to be one of them. I have had this lost feeling before just never really got to the bottom of it.

Things Girls Lie About: JennaMarbles

Vlogs

I don't have any Vlogs to watch today which really sucks. I can say that word it's not rude or anything. Well either way I don't care. Lol. You will have to excuse me I am in one of those moods.

Lost

Good thing I am going to my Therapist tomorrow for I am feeling a bit Lost today. I don't know if you have ever had that feeling where your life for awhile just does not make any sense at all. It's like why the ..... am I here? What am I doing? That is the Lost feeling. It simply is not knowing what to do next or even what not to do. Either of them are applicable.

Drag Queen Throwdown!!! Haley Star Show

Yes I Did

So I cut My Nails and so it starts again. It is like playing a game to see how long my finger nails grow. Then I have to cut them again. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I Saw

I saw a movie last night I am not going to say which one even though it's a very popular movie. If I mentioned the name you would know what it is. I am not trying to be silly. I am just not mentioning it because I could not be bothered. Anyway it's one of those Movie is when you go haven't I seen this Movie before since the plot is so familiar. Eventually all these stories blend into each other and become the same Movie with nothing original in it. Don't you just hate that. it is more common with the supposedly Good Movies that  every one must go see. Ok so I am being naughty here. Lol

Small

I ran around to the Malls today. Not that it is any different from what I do on weekends normally. So While I was in the one Mall I got a ring for my small finger. It was really cheap so if I don't wear or don't like it after awhile it is no big deal. it wasn't really like the I wanted since they did not have it in the same size as the one I got. So i got anyway since it was so cheap.

Prom makeup for ANY outfit! xxmichaeljames

Nails

So My Nail has recovered from being bent. In fact my nails are looking good which means I have to shorten them again The thing with my nails is that they grow like wild fire. So I have to shorten them quite often. If I were ever to come Out I would not have to worry about my nails. I wouldn't have to put on fake nails at all.

Later

So I'm gonna to go to the Malls later. Had a bit of a lazy morning. Nothing wrong with that. No intending on buying anything at all. Just going to walk around a bit  to see what the stores have. Some call it window shopping. That's when you don't have money to shop. And just look to see what they have.

So yes

I watched "Rise of the Guardians" last night which was a really cool movie. I love Animation Movies. Well at least good ones. There are a few that aren't very good at all. We won't mention any names. Lol. Still it was a good movie. I liked it a lot. That was said with an Accent. I won't say which. oh yes I forgot to mention that I watched on Dvd.

The Rise of the Gaurdians

Rise of the Guardians: Official Trailer 2

Fairy

Nurturing

With all of this in mind we have to be kind to ourselves. Hating the fact that you can't ever Transition does not really help yourself. We really have to find a way of trying to make it work for us as opposed to it working against us. Lol. Look who is speaking. Yes I know it's bloody difficult. Yet My Therapist said I need to nurture myself. Which is true. Since being depressed all the time is draining. Yet to find a way to nurture ourselves is something else. Well lets see if it's even possible. I suppose it would be possible if it was suggested. Finding a way to nurture is something else. Hopefully this all makes sense at the end of the day.

Never

Well I can't speak to he situation I am in . Since I know it's for the long haul. I will never be able to come out. Even if I wanted. My situation is unique and very hard at the same time. Will I be able to live with this knowledge. Well only time will tell. Short of winning the Lottery it won't happen. lol. We all can dream can't we. I have talked about this predicament a number of times. I am also aware of others that are in a similar predicament as well And they too will not be able to come out at all. So my situation is not completely unique. Not that this makes it any easier. So when I talk about being Closeted I am not joking at all. It's one thing too know that sometime in the future you will be able to come out  It is something knowing full well that it will not happen at all. So really coming out is a Fantasy that will never be fulfilled. I can't really express the strongly enough that is the Fantasy part. I remember reading somewhere something to this extent "Hope denied makes the heart sick" I certainly can attest to this. Why do you think I am all the Meds I am on. Simply because I am Clinically Depressed amongst other things. I do mention this from time to time just to emphasize how difficult it is for me.
Bearing in Mind that this Blog is prescribed Therapy. This was given to me to do by My Therapist.

Sadlerette: My Gender, Sex, Sexuality & Identity

Advice

So someone asked me For some advice today. Which I have to say I was surprised by. Anyway I am no Agony Aunt but will help were I can. Fortunately the topic which they asked about, I knew quite a bit about. Possibly why they asked me for My Opinion . Which it really is. If I was qualified to answer the question it would be a different case. So anyway that was surprising for me.

Jinkx

I am such a huge fan of Jinkx Monsoon. I wish her all the luck for her future endeavors  The chance of her reading this blog is zero to none. Still I hop she gets to act on Broadway. That would just be absolutely Fab. I really get happy when I see people that have worked their butt off get their dues and are recognized for their Talent. I really am not that keen on those who are Famous for being Famous. Real people have a craft which they work to perfect and are very seldomly recognized for what they do. So it's really awesome when they are recognized for their talent. So here's to Junkx and I wish her all the best.

Back

So everything is back to normal. I feel normal after all that. That which I described already. So I am thankful for that.

Jinkx Monsoon

Still

 Still can't believe that |I am able to post You Tube Vlogs. I don't know what they did to make it work but it's awesome.

Off Meds

I was  off my Meds for three days not on purpose. But simply my Appointment I made was to be coinciding with My appointment with my Therapist  Since they are both so far away. I did not want to have to go twice to see only  one of them at a time. I know it sounds a bit convoluted but anyway. I was of from Sunday and only took again on Tuesday when I got back. So that really messed me up and could very well be the cause of me not sleeping very well. I really did feel out of sorts when I went to see both of them I did not tell my Doctor that I was off for a couple of days. Even though I was asked. Well anyway I felt much better after having taken them and I had something to eat  a little while after that. My stomach was also a bit upset. Yes it made my tummy upset as well. So if your on antidepressants it is not a good idea to go off them cols turkey. You need to be weaned off them slowly. Well it also depends on the dosage your taking as well. I am not a Psychiatrist so I can not say what needs to happen. I do however know that quite a few T Girls are on some or other form of Meds. So there you have the background of the last three days of being off My Meds. Lesson to be learnt here as previously stated is don't go off your Meds in one go. It has to be done gradually with the supervision of a Doctor. Lol I know everyone always uses that as a Disclaimer but I am serious.

Better

So I am feeling better this morning than I did yesterday. I was able to get an all night's worth of sleep. I don't think I woke up during the night. I was really bushed yesterday. Now I feel better for the night's sleep.

xxmichaeljames

Miracles

I can't believe it but I am able to post You Tube Vlogs again. Yaaaaaaaahhhh

Therapy

Well yes I did go  today to Therapy as I said I would. because I am so tired today the Therapy session took a different turn. We did laugh a lot which was a good thing since I did feel a bit better just for a short while. Even though I was laughing at my own expense. well you have to be able to laugh at yourself I don't really take myself to seriously. Yet it was quite serious. Yeah I know.

Tired

Although I had stunning Dreams last night I really did not sleep all that well and so I am now exhausted. I probably wont have a good night tonight since I am now overtired. So I am not my usual self at the moment and therefore am in a bit of Fug. Well more than just a bit I have too say.

Sadlerette

Sadlerette is one of the Femme Ferocity crew. Which has been disbanded but will be reforming as under a different banner. They just haven't decided what it's going to be yet. Hopefully they do soon for I miss their Vlogs.

Sadlerette

I Feel

I feel weird I really need a break from the everyday usual nonsense. Can't wait to have a descent time by myself a during the week break. Just so that I can let my hair down. Lol. No seriously I know I have the small ones coming up but they are not good enough as I have explained before. I feel like I am losing it slowly but surely.

Dictionary

I think I will have to start a Dictionary for myself or at least a grammar course for those that follow me. Since I seem to be rewriting the English language as I Blog. Lol. I think I must break at least a dozen rules every time I post. Well who gives a damn anyway as long as you understand me. Right Lol

Oh Yes

I almost forgot. I am seeing My Doctor and My Therapist tomorrow. So I will be doing a lot of running around tomorrow. It feels like I haven't seen my Therapist for ages. Even though it has only been a week. At least I will be able to relate My Dream tomorrow although maybe not. Don't want to spoil my Session. The thing is now I cant remember where we left off last week, Drat that's no good.

Uggghhh

I really had a I don't want to say a nasty Dream this morning. It was definitely different from the norm. It was kinda uuggghhh. It kinda set the tone for the day. Just haven't been able to shake it yet. Hopefully I have something better to dream about tonight.

Pandora Boxx

End

Well go figure just another week in it's glory. Can you figure that is almost half way through the year. Just one more month and it will be. I know that it's that old thing about where does the time go. Yet it is true.

Only One

Only went to one Mall today. Hadn't been there awhile. Yet everything had changed. it really is disappointing when they change your fav stores around so much that you don't recognize them any more. So your fav store is no longer your Fav any more.

Fantasy

Keeping The Fantasy alive about when and if and what you would do if you ever come out is enough to drain anyone of energy. So there are definitely aspects that can be related to a Fantasy. I don't think that all but aspects are definitely a fantasy. Stuff that has basis for it in reality. Not to say we don't wish it were the case. I think we are all guilty of this in one way or another. But especially those that are stuck in the closet.

xxmicheljames

xxmichaeljames

So I am watching xxmichaeljames's You Tube Channel. Well at least one of his Vlogs, If you want to check him out for yourself. He is very creative and posts at least once a week. He does do reviews on Products as well beside doing the Make up Tutorials.

So

So the dates have been confirmed for the Me Times. They are the last weekend of May and the first weekend of June. So one weekend after the next. Not exactly what I wanted. I would have preferred them to be during the week. Well it is what it is. Damn.

Bent

So I was making My bed this morning and got my small fingers nail caught in the sheet. It bent which I was not happy about. Well I had to file it down. So my one fingers nail is longer than the other. Lol. What can you do. Its not that they are really that long. it's just that they are shaped in the french Manicure style. Very very small. Only I know that it is like that. What helps is that the other nails are a little bit long. So all in all they get hid. It all looks the same.

Lots

So today we did lots of running around. That is in the malls. We went to three to be precise. Out of all of those I manged to get a thin black leather necklace which did not cost too much. Which I was thankful for. other than that we just ran around. really did not see too much worth anything.

Unicorn

Hair

I really hate having body hair and wish I just could get rid of it . Well it would be silly to do it now. I know there is no chance of doing it now. can you imagine the chaos it would cause. Plus I would have no logical reason to do it. Well none that I know of. So I will just have to live with it. Aaaaagghh.

I Am

So I am going to put my new Pendant onto  my necklace and take the other one off. Well I have only got one  black leather necklace the rest are made of string. I don't have much jewelry at all. Just three rings and my necklace and the string necklaces. I ma not really a big fan of too much jewelry.

Vlogs

So I am happy that I at least have some Vlogs to watch today as opposed to the other day.

Another

So I was at Gym today. The bloody air con made the Gym really cold today so much so it exasperated my shoulders twinge. So it's sore at the moment. Which is a pain wherever you want it to be. Anyway I saw another really tall blonde girl. I am not too sure if it is the same one as last time. Never the less. So I was just a little bit jealous. it's amazing how we always go for the stereo typical look time after time. Well I am Blonde to start off. So that would not change.

Dreams

I Did

I found out when I will be getting time off supposedly it will be the last weekend in May and the first weekend in June. So even though I know they will be short only two nights and on a weekend. I'm not that thrilled as I said before I prefer them during the week. Well lets see how it goes. Can't always have them when you want them.

Disclosure

So I was watching this Vlog where the T Girl was talking about when to Disclose to a Male when your dating. So she was saying it really is up to you but you don't have to upfront. Not that I have ever been in that situation. I personally feel that if ever I was to come out. Everyone will know I am Trans so there wont be any confusion about that. You see I am proud to be Trans so why hide it if your Out. I know that a lot of T Girls will not agree with that since they want to go Stealth.

Dreams

Well they are back I had a really real dream this morning. The story line was ok not anything to write home about. But the reality of it was so real. If that makes any sense. I have better dreams when it comes to story lines. I feel like I am reviewing a Movie here. Lol

Teddy Bear

Don't you just love the Pic of The Bear waiting on the Platform. I thought it it is so cute. Well that's me.

Waiting

Still Waiting

So I haven't heard anything about when I will have some Me Times in June yet. I know they are going to happen. I just don't know the specific dates. I will have to save up a bit so I can get party supplies. Lol. Which I am sure you know what that entails. I just hope they are during the week and not on the weekends. I don't know quite why I prefer them during the week as opposed to the week ends. Anyway still waiting.

Just A Bit

So I am still feeling a bit Weird. I really can't put my Finger on it. It's not depression which I am already. That is Depressed. This feeling is similar to knowing something is wrong and not knowing what it is, I just feel weird. Which I have said already.

I don't have any Vlogs to watch today which is a bit irritating. I normally have at least one to look at but this time not even one. Which is really sad.

Pendant

So I went and got the Pendant. No it does not look like the one in the picture. That one is just some random one I chose to post. So back to the Pendant. I have to say that I thought it looked different from the first time I saw it. Well at least I imagined it look different. I know it was the only one on the board that I wanted. So I took it anyway. Even though it did not look like I remembered  In my mind it did look funkier the first time. Well what can you do.

Pendant

Pendant

I am thinking of going to get my pendant tomorrow since it's not too far away. Well really it's more like just around the corner compared to how far I have to travel when I go see My Therapist. So that will be cool.

Therapy

Unfortunately I am not going to be able to Post too much today. Since they are coming soon. My Therapy session was not too bad today. Not as hectic as last weeks one was. Still covered a quite a lot again. Hopefully I remember what we finished off with today so we can pickup at the same place next week.

Vulnerable

At this Moment

I am watching a Vlog done by a T Girl. I think she is French which lends itself to a specific type of accent. Firstly you would never say that she is Trans. Secondly she is just a really lovely human being sharing her journey with whoever wants to watch. I am so happy to see people who have successful Transitions.

On The Morrow

So Yeah and Yep and all those kinda things. That is my Therapy Session is tomorrow. In some ways I am looking forward to and in other ways I am not Since I am feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. I just not quite sure why. One thought is that in the Sessions we are opening avenues that I have never explored. It could be that amongst other things. I am just surmising at the moment. I watched this Movie this weekend  It really is not important what the Movie was but it left me with this weird feeling. It does not help that I am vulnerable at the moment  No I don't know why it left me with this feeling. I suppose I am a bit of a mess at the moment. So a lot of things aren't making sense at all at the moment.

Still

I am still so happy that Jinkx Monsoon won the 5th Season. I am so happy for her and hope it leads to bigger And better things for her, I am so happy for her. That I am. Sorry I just needed to say it again.

Jinkx Monsoon

Pendant

I saw a pendant sometime ago that I have been saving for. I'm thinking of getting it this week coming. I have a similar one but this one is much better. Once I have it I will not need to get any more. So She says  We will have to see about that. Just kidding.

Chilly

It is just a bit Chilly today. The weather is a bit weird at the moment. But then again you really can't count the weather any more. It's just all over the place. It's the kinda day you want to be snuggling in the bed with your Fav Teddy bear and with a cup of ............ well whatever you prefer. I was thinking Hot Chocolate.

Jinkx Monsoon

So she did it and won the 5th Season Of Ru Pauls Drag Race. Which I so happy. She really deserves it. Not to mention that she is a really Fabulous person. No one better or more deserving could have walked away with the Title this Season. Yaaaahhhhh

Not Really

So Today went to one of those Malls far away ones. Did not stay there too long. Just went to see what they have a specific thing. Found two shops that sell the same thing. Same Price for each thing in each shop. Then went some where else did not stay there too long. Being Mothers Day all the Malls are buzzing with the Families and their Mothers. If you do it the day before then you don't get stuck in the Mall. Not that many people think that way. Well anyway enough of that.

Weekend

Life

I will say that My Life as a whole is not all that exciting. It's to a degree a lot different to the Norm. In a couple of ways. Duh. Well that goes without saying. I found this quote "I am merely the product of the Life I have Lived". So essentially all my Decisions have lead me to this place at this moment in time. Damn we are really getting deep now .Lol. Well it's true what can I say.

Weekends

On weekends I have to be careful when doing My Blog to make sure I don't get bust. So I am not always going to be able to say everything I would want to say. Plus I am  watching My Vlogs which is also a risk since the are all Trans Related. Imagine trying to have to explain what you are watching to someone. Well you see I am watching this because it's fun. Lol Yeah Right like I don't think so.

Divorce

Yep that's right Divorce and not in the sense that you think. I was watching this reality show where the two main characters get divorced. So that got me thinking. WE Closeted few do that to ourselves quite often. It's quite hard to maintain the separation between Ourselves and our Persona. Sometimes we need to divorce the one from the other. Unfortunately it's the Trans side that always gets the wrong end of the stick. I know it does not make any sense but believe me it's really hard to be in touch with both sides at the same time. So simply the one has to take a backseat. Not that I divorce the one side on a permanent basis. Because it's impossible  I really hope this makes as much sense as I think it does. If not study Hieroglyphics and it might make sense then. Lol
Let me try this one more time. I am always Trans no matter what. There are Persona that I have which I use to interact with the world. To maintain them both at the same time is a lot of work. So there is a need for the one to dampen down which is always the Trans side. Simply to protect me from heartache ok I think that this makes more sens than the above. Hoorah. Well at least that's what I think.

Nail Polish

Double Damn

So I got a Dvd today to watch tonight at my Fav Dvd Store. The cashier told me that the owners were wanting to sell the store. Which is such a pity since they have such a wide selection of Dvd's. It is such a pity that you can't count on things to stay the same. You get used to a specific store and then it changes. Hence the double damn.

Clear

So I am watching this one Vlog where the T Girl is going through all the Nail Polishes she bought Online. Then she shows the one bottle that is clear. She says who needs clear nail polish. Well I do especially if its Matt. This I can get away with since it looks like your Nail is normal. The glossy one you can spot a mile away. The Matt you can't tell if you have Nail Polish. Some people use it as base coat . I use it if I can find it. Which is like never. I can find the glossy one but not the Matt. Yes they do make it but it has been discontinued. Damn so there is that.

Weekend

I really can't believe that it is weekend again. This week has more than flown. It has sped away. It is amazing its already May and we have 7 months left of this year. It feels like we had Xmas yesterday.

Facebook

So I subscribed to some people on Facebook simply to keep track of when they would start a new channel on You Tube. Well it's a long story but they had a Colab Channel and it got deleted and now they are taking a break before launching the new one. So anyway I keep My Face Book going simply so that if someone I knew were to want to contact me that way they can. Everyday I check My Facebook and today I had two red worlds and I automatically thought this is some Girlfriend that I knew trying to contact me. So I was a bit excited. So it turns out they were just notifications from the ones I had subscribed to. So bummer it was not what I thought it was. Lol. Damn.

Depressed

Lost

Unfortunately I have lost contact with the few Girlfriends that I had on the net. The more recent one is some body that i have been in contact or quite awhile. She just stopped emailing me all together. This is not too uncommon with T Girls. I know that the journey is intensely private since no one can go through the experiences that you are going through. It really does lend itself to being Self Involved. I suppose I am making up excuses.  Then sometimes it is true. Lol . Now that really make a lot of sense. Well I suppose it's par for the course. Still it does make me a bit sad. Well depressed.

Depression

Well I have not been doing as well in the last week or so. I am pretty Lethargic at the moment and keep putting things of due to a lack of interest. For instance |I did not go to Gym yesterday. I will try to go tomorrow. Not that it makes up for the time I missed. It was the same last week.  I am going through one of those fugs again. I suppose it comes and goes dependent on the situation. They call it Situational depression. Well you get two types of Depression Chemical and Situational. Just for interest sake. It really is not all that surprising since you know my situation and that every now and then I do get depressed. So there is nothing new about that. it really is not that easy to always see the positive issues.

Missed

I was thinking about all the missed opportunities that I have had in my Life. Those If's and Wishes and all that kinds stuff. I suppose we all have them. I really would like to see what would have happened if I had made some other decisions. Well then if I had I wouldn't be the person I am today. Still it would be interesting none the less.

Bulb Guy

Don't you just the Little Bulb Guy. I think he is so cute. They should make a plush Toy like him. lol

Electicity

Hoorah

So I found out that I am going to be having a couple of Me Times in June  I haven't got the dates yet. But I believe they will be over weekends. I actually prefer when they are during the week. Well anyway lets cross our fingers.

Power

So we had a Power failure for awhile and I was not too sure it was going to come up in time for me to blog. So with yesterday and the Failure today it has been rather interesting. I am just waiting for the third bad thing to happen. I believe they happen in three for me. They might not necessarily happen all at once but its tried and tested. It does happen in threes for me. Why I don't know. I am not generally superstitious. I don't really believe in those don'ts an do's of the superstitious nature.

So

I am not too sure whether My Post on Personas came out alright since I did not have the time to go through it. Never the less I'm sure you made some sense of it. If not just comment and I will broaden on the subject.

That Was Close

So yesterday I was busy doing or writing my Damn posting and the next thing I knew is that someone had come home early. So I had to scramble and get it posted. I did not post it straight away. I went to see who it was after minimizing the windows. So when I got a quick moment I went and posted and switched My Computer off. It's a good thing I did not have my Headphones on other wise I would not have heard them dome in. So yeah that was Close to close for comfort.

Damn

I don't really have enough time to go into it today but will address it later. When I don't know. I was thinking about Personas and how they affect us in the long haul. I think I might have touched on it before it's kinda hard to remember every thing I have touched on before. Between My Blog and My Therapy Sessions ti's hard to tell.. But anyway it really is interesting how ones Persona really are connected to each other, even though we use them to interact with the world around us. For instance My Male Persona which is hard to describe what it is . Is tied to me that being Stasya. Even though we think they are completely separate  They really aren't  Which is a bit sad since when we do come out we do drag a bit of them around with us. Since they are really integral to who we are. You would think that they are separate but they aren't.

Rough

So My Therapy session today was a rough one. Quite revealing to say the least. We did pick up on the topic we left off two weeks ago. Yet it went for real roller coaster ride. Even though I have 4 sessions in a month it still does not seem enough time. The Hour flies especially when its a rough one or a revealing one.

Fine

So my Finger is fine got a little cut mark. So it should all fine. I thought I would share that with you since we are all so close here.

Therapy

Was

So I did really well at Gym today. I was able to get in 50 mins of exercise  Which is good for me . Normally its about 30 to 40 mins. So anyway pat on the back for that. While I was on the treadmill I noticed this Girl you could see that she was new to the Gym in the way she was walking around. Ok so that not so fascinating  She was quite Tall and just a little bit chubby. She had a Pony Tail which was Blonde and she wasn't too tall. Once again I was thinking not bad I could go for that kinda look. That is for myself. Well we all cant be glamazons. That is in my next lifetime. I suppose a lot of the time it's just wishful thinking.

Therapist

Cool I get to see My Therapist tomorrow. Remember I wasn't able to see My Therapist because of the leave the Therapist took. I have to say the past two weeks I certainly did notice a difference in not seeing The Therapist. I did take a bit of strain. It really flew by fast. Which I am happy about. I will be glad to see The Therapist tomorrow at least we can pickup from where we left off. Which I do Remember where we left off. I think the next couple of sessions will be rather interesting.

My Finger

So my finger is doing better.Still got it wrapped in a plaster. Will probably take the plaster off tonight . So that it can dry out and heal.

Dreams

So I think My spate of cool dreams has come to an end. I did dream last night but it was nothing like the previous nights. So sorry nothing to report on that front.

Magic

Damn

I cut my small finger on my left hand ( I am Right Handed so no big deal ) last night and there was blood all over the place. Fortunately we have plasters. So I was able to rescue  it and now it's wrapped with a plaster. I be clumsy every now and then. Fortunately it was not too deep. Well at least I don't think so.

Sad

I am still so sad that I am not able to post posts from You Tube. I think the problem is localized to my set up. No I don't my computer more the link from You Tube To Blogger. It just does not work. Bloody ......... ........... . Please select an appropriate word or words to fill the Gap.

Magic

So the Dream saga's continue. Except this time there was no boogeyman lurking at the bottom of the pool. This one was magical. It was Fantasy one with horses and wizards and witches and more horses etc etc. It's too long for me to transcribe it all (big word Hope I am using it correctly, Lol ) Anyway I remember most of it and it was one just before I woke up this morning. Which I like to extend for the sake of the Dream.

More I Say

Don't you just love the Teddy Bear picture. Me too. More Teddy's I say. Just can't get enough of them.

Teddy

Space

I think that creating a small space somewhere where you have what you can relate to is maybe a way of helping. A Happy Place. It does not necessary have to be Physical in nature. Although I have a physical one. I have hidden stuff in one of my shelves. I know they are there. I know I am taking a huge risk by doing it. But I am confident that I wont be found out. It just gives me some confidence knowing they are there. Something tangible that I can touch. This might not make any sense to you but it certainly helps me. it's like having a Teddy bear or a Security Blanket except its a pair of Panties etc. You will have to determine what makes you feel comfortable  So really could be just about anything. A Picture, a piece of something I don't know just use your Imagination.

Swimming Pool

So I dreamt I was a Japanese girl last night and I was at a swimming pool. I was being taught how to swim. The only thing is that the pool was really deep and I was fearful of what might be lurking at the bottom of the pool I was told I must swim to the bottom but I tried to and did not succeed. Then I was told that I must swim to the other side and I did not want to. Then the teacher swam with me to the other side which did not make it any better. Ultimately it was not too good a dream but it was made interesting that I was a Girl. Now that was cool.

Jinxx Monsoon

Aaaaaaawwwww

So I am watching a clip of Jinkx Monsoon the drag queen doing an appearance at some High School where she sings the Bohemian Rhapsody from Queen. I must say she did a really good job and no she was not lip sincing . Anyway part of the clip is her taking off all her Drag Costume and jumping into the shower and washing all her make up off. All the while you get to see her long nails they are painted. Just not sure what colour they are. Some thing dark. The Nails are stunning with me going The Nails, The Nails, The Nails , The Nails etc I just love The Nails. I am so jealous seriously The Nails.

Cloak Room

Well you can call it a changing room as well. I am sure there are a lot of names you can call it. Well I digress I was at the Gym today fancy that. I really did not want to go today. I think I am becoming lazier and lazier when it comes to Gym. So anyhow  The first thing I do when I get to the Gym is go weigh my lazy ass. So I went into the Men's Cloak room and there was not a soul in sight which is unusual to say the least. Now some one must have loaded up on after shave or something for it still smelled like it when I walked in. The Strange thing is that it smelled more like perfume than it did anything else. So for a couple of seconds there it felt like I had walked into the Females Cloak room. Which I have to say was like being in Heaven. My gosh if only it could have lasted a bit longer.It's not like it was Deja Vu or anything. It just simply felt like I was in the Females Cloak Room. I know I  have said this twice all ready but it really was an experience for me which I could revel in.

Andro

Andro

Androgyny seems to be the way that people can identify with the female side without committing to it fully. Well there is that balance between the two that is Androgyny. For us who are in the closet it can possibly be something we can relate to since we cant go all out and. Well at least for me I try to be more Androgynous. Not that I am able to make up and all that. But I certainly don't relate to the male side of things. So being Trans and Male at the same time lends itself to the whole Androgynous deal. I know it sounds a bit weird but believe me it works for me at least. It can be a bit of release from all the frustration. So I can't be who I am the least I can do is try and push it as much as I can without it becoming to obvious and that point is Androgyny.

Vivid

Today well last night I had the most vivid dreams that I have had for a long time. Well as you might have guessed by now that is I love dreaming. Well both types the Sleeping variety and the awake variety. Anyway back to the vivid  They were so real that I remember them even now. They left quite an impression on me. Were they good well kinda they did have an element of bullying in them which I resisted to an extent. Well I was been bullied. I did try to make what ever was bullying go away. Well I had very limited success in doing so. Listen to me ramble on about Dreams as if they were real. Well I have always believed that there is a part based in reality.The rest is your mind trying to process what went on in the day and the last part is the ooohhh wwooowwwee type. Which some people acknowledge and some don't.

Tattoo

Help Me

I really need Help in understanding this whole thing of people stretching their Earlobes. Don't they realize that when they are Older it really is going to look weird. I think that the Older you become the weirder it will look. Plus some them are stretching it way too big so they will have to wear those big disc all the time. Can you Imagine someone being From 40 to 80 years of age with a stretched Earlobe? I seriously think it will look odd. Well if if that is what floats their boat them who am I too Object.

Still

I am still out of it. Still not feeling as good as I should. Not really sure where it stems from. It's a bit of anxiety thrown in together with being on edge. I know it's hard to explain, I just don't feel rested or content at all. When this happens I normally feel very sleepy and most of the time just given in go and have a nap. I am thinking that I might need to have My Meds upped a bit. I will see how it goes and speak to the Doctor the next time I see the Doctor.

I Also Think

I am not 100% sure but I have the feeling that I had some awesome Dreams last Night  It's just this morning I did not remember or maybe it's me remembering the Dreams form the night before. Well Whatever.

I Think

I am Thinking of going to make an appointment for My Tattoo Artist to finish My Tattoo on my back. it's been a very long time since I had work done on it. So i am considering soon. All dependent if there is a space open for me. Otherwise I will make one for when the Tattoo Artist is available. So I will probably go either this week or next to make the appointment. Just dependent on whether I have time to go. Thankfully it's not too far.