I Think

I was thinking of starting a You Tube channel all disguised and with a rougher voice so no one would know who I was. lol. But I am pretty useless when it comes to filming. Not the filming part just the being in front of a camera. lol

Sexy

I was thinking about this just now and that is I haven't felt Sexy once since I am on these new Anti Depression Meds. No really well they are hardly new since I have been on them for about One and Half Years now. They really did change me. I use to be a lot more free Spirited than I am now. Go Figure. I use to wear my G Strings and  now I couldn't be bothered. I have just got used to it and have come to accept how things are. I suppose I am sexier in one way that is I don't wear underwear. lol. I don't know which is Sexier really. lol. Well as for the rest it has all fallen to the wayside. I won't go into the rest since its quite Personal.

Once Again

You Tube is still not allowing me to post Vlogs. Last time this happened it took awhile for them to wake up and remedy the situation. For all I know it could be a Blogger Problem. Well anyway I will keep trying until it comes right. hopefully it does.

Bloody You Tube

You Tube won't allow me to post Vlogs. It just does not work. So sorry about that. I will try again tomorrow.

Well

Today is pretty much the same as it was yesterday bar the fact that I did the linen today and packed it away. Woohhoo. So I slept kinds late and then got up to do the the washing and then after that went to Gym. I was rowing and my bum began to hurt so I did not do the full 20 minutes that I did the day before. The rest of the exercises was ok. There weren't as many Girls today but still there were. I suppose there is no escaping that at all. Since it is a Gym after all. Any way I coped with it. There seems to be a lot more shorter Girls than taller Girls. Once again I suppose that's the norm again.

When Do You Tell Someone You're Transgender?

Today

This morning I had a bit of a lie in. That is I stayed in bed for awhile. I then had to go the Doctor to get more Meds. Which was quite fast. I did not have to wait all that long. Which was cool. Then I went to Gym. Where I had to get used to seeing all the beautiful women who are normally on parade around the Gym. Which is quite disconcerting. Seeing that I can't be like them. There are sometime I cope better than others, today was not that bad.

My Transition from Male to Female (with pictures)

Corinne Bailey Rae - Like A Star (New Version)

Monday

Can you believe that the weekend flew by so fast. Can't believe that is already Monday again. Oh well it's here again. Did not really get up to much over the weekend besides the usual Mall trips and One Dvd that I watched. nothing to write home about well that is. Did not buy anything new at the Malls did however go out for Breakfast both Saturday and Sunday. Which was nice. I am having one f those DIY Cappuccinos again. Yes the store bought one. Well not as good as the real thing.
I did sleep quite a bit today just one of those lazy days. I think most Mondays are th same for me. Resting from the weekend Lol. No seriously.

How I knew I was transgender (MTF)

TSG 253: Who Needs Sex To Feel Sexy?

Sexy

You would think that if you were to ask people what makes them feel sexy it would be different things and I suppose it is. So each person feels sexy for different reasons. Mine would be if I could have my nails done in a French Manicure style. I just love how it looks etc. The are other things that make me feel sexy. but we will stick to the Nail thing for now. I know that some people have trouble with the whole feeling sexy thing. Yet it is important for your self esteem that you find out what makes you feel sexy. It's only healthy to be able to feel sexy. Right. Lol

Lazy

So I have just got up after having spent an inordinate time in bed. Made myself one of those cappuccino that come in a sachet. No not the machine ones the one you make in a cup. I am not that rich .lol. Which tasted pretty good for a DIY store bought Cappuccino. In fact it tastes like another. No just kidding. although I do have more. I decide not to go to Gym today since I went on both Wed and Thurs consecutively. (If that is how you spell that, not too sure) So now I am feeling a bit lethargic from all the lying down. Which means I will probably go lie down later again. Lol. The Lazy days.

Transgender To Men: Fetish, Fantasy & Sex Object

Feeling

I am feeling just a little bit better today not much but just a little bit better. The thing is still the same as I said there is nothing I can do about it. Still it does not make it any easier on me. It is going to take a lot to get over the thing. No I can not mention what it is. Since it is very personal.

Gym

So as per usual there was some gorgeous Females at the Gym. Which does not really help me in the least. Not for the reason your thinking. It just makes my Life harder seeing what I would like to be. In that way silly. I was doing the Ab machine and every time I looked up there they were talking about distracting. It's bad enough that I am out of shape now I have to look at these bodies I could only wish to look like. Lol. What can you do.

Sadlerette: Winged Gel Eye Liner Tutorial

Haven't

Of Late I have not been feeling myself to such an extent that it is a battle for me to express myself. I am sure you have noticed by now that my posts get shorter and shorter. I am really depressed at the moment and it's affecting me in a negative way. So much so that it has got me worried. I am worried that I wont be able to snap out of it. So you will have to bear with me as I fight this depression hopefully I will win. Otherwise I have no idea what I am going to do.

Well

I have to say that yesterday was a bit of a bust. I haven't quite recovered from yesterday. The thing is still with me. I am still sad and unfortunately there is no way of fixing the situation. Its kinda one of those things I am going to have to accept. I suppose most of you are going what is she talking about. Well I am talking about the thing that got me crying in my session yesterday with the Therapist. As I have already said there is nothing I can do about it. Which makes me even sadder. I will just have to accept the situation. Well I suppose thats what grown ups have to do and that is roll with the punches. Unfortunately this one hurt a lot.

Nail Salon Incident (Passable Vs Non Passable)

Cry

So I have returned from My Session. That is My Therapy Session. It did not really go too well today and the session ended up with me in tears. So all in all it was a tough one which I don't really want to repeat at all. So I am a little bit sensitive at the moment.

(MtF) Transgender vlog- Choices Comes With Consequences

How to Hide Dark Circles Like a Pro

Forgive

You will have to forgive me since I really don't have that much to say today besides the weekend was not that interesting. I think for the most part I have been just on survival mode. I have not really had too much to think about. I have these periods where I just float through what ever is going on and don't really try to intellectualize any thing. I will however e seeing My Therapist tomorrow which I am looking forward to. Oh yes I do have some news I almost forgot I will be finishing My Tattoo off on Tuesday 5th of Nov. I have an appointment to go see my Tattoo Artist to finish it off. I have to rearrange a couple of appointments since it is a day when I normally see my Therapist. Hopefully My Therapist can see me earlier etc

This

So besides the normal running around in the Malls I watched two Dvd's which were "After Earth" which was ok and "The Big Wedding" which was also ok as well. There really is not much more to rapport. I did not get anything new or anything to add to what I have already.

Well

I did not know in time for me to warn you that I was not going to be able to post on Friday. I am sure you gathered as much. So anyway today being Monday and the start of a new week. We can start again. I am pretty sure that I will be able to post this coming Friday and that there wont be any hassles.

TSG 252: Socializing As A BIG BLONDE TRANSSEXUAL

The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

Normal

For the moment I am beginning to isolate myself. Well it's because I am depressed except it's getting quite bad. Since now I have no friends what so ever. I have even fired my Family. Well that's another story all together. So I have successfully chased everyone away. I sometimes feel that relationships are an absolute farce especially if you can't be yourself. For in my case there is no one I can trust to come out to. I would absolutely love to have someone I can speak to with having the fear of them Outing me. This is a luxury. Well I almost think that I would rather not have friends that know me superficially. There is nothing worse than having friends that are shallow. you know what I mean it never goes anywhere.

So

Once again I went to Gym which is breaking all records. The cool thing is I weighed myself and I have lost a couple. So that picked up my mood some what. I was like yeah at least something positive is coming out of it. It would be bummer if it were the other way round. I would be like what is the point of all this stress. For as you should well know by now. I hate Gym it is like a chore for me.

Spirit Day

So today is Spirit Day. I hope you all are wearing purple to support the cause. It's such a pity that we have only one day to support LGBT youth. It should be a more constant thing. Anyway I am grateful that we still do have one day to show our support. There should be a day for all those in The Closet.

Isaac Mizrahi goes purple for #SpiritDay 10/17

Spirit Day

So the 17th is Spirit Day where everyone who supports the LGBT family is going to show solidarity in support of a the young LGBT family in schools etc that don't feel safe. So its a very important Day so show your support by wearing purple.

Depeche Mode - Broken

Annoying

I have this neighbour who likes to play a certain type of Music which I am not going to mention. But I have to say it's annoying to say the least. Not only is it loud but a certain type of Music I can't stand. Which is quite strange if you think about it. Why did it have to be the music I hate. Makes you think.

Nice

I just wish I had something nice to say. Not that I have something horrible to say. So the opposite is not true. I did however go to Gym today. Which was not bad and my session went well. I am trying to go 4 times a week. Whether it works out that way we will have to see. You know its a case of biting off more than you can chew. Or maybe not. Time will tell.

How To Apply Your Eyeshadow Like a Pro

Depression

My Depression is affecting me quite badly since I have lost all my Motivation and now I have lost all interest in stuff around me. We have dealt with it in Therapy and it will be an on going thing I have to deal with. I am sleeping quite a lot because of the Depression which is not good thing as well. I am not too sure what it is that will snap me out of this down ward spiral. Hopefully I don't sink to low into my Depression.

Again

So I went to Therapy today. Which is the usual Tuesday thing to do. Today's was a little bit different since we dealt the normal issues. I suppose they are all related since it is still me at the end of the day. You will have to excuse me since it was a bit of a tough session. Not all of them are like the one today.

How I chose Melissa as my name

Tiffany's Vlog #40 Two Years on Hormones!! A Comparison :)

Breast cancer risk for transgender/transsexual women

Little

So I was messing about with my Webcam getting ready to Skype and I was thinking again what it would be like to Vlog as someone incognito. It would be strange to say the least. I don't think I will do it. It would just be the strangest thing if I had to. Just thinking how it would go.

Was

So went the gym today and saw the usual tall women . Except today I saw one or two short women and the were cute. I know that most people use the term cute to describe babies and puppies etc. Except this women were cute. So I gots to thinking that tall women aren't just the only way to go you can be stunning and short. I only have to think of Kylie and someone that is short and stunning comes to mind. So its possible to be short and stunning. It's not that I did not know this already it's just it came to mind today. We are always putting the tall women on a pedestal and forgetting the short women.

Quick

Well its Monday again. Can't believe how fast the weekend went. Went out and had Breakfast two times. on Friday and Saturday. Watched some Dvd's. Gatsby being the better one. Watched Hangover 3 which was terrible have to say. 1 and 2 were much better. A pity though they could  have done so much better. Went to some Malls and got an Item of Clothing a pants. So all in all not a busy weekend. Just the norm.

Transexual 41 months mtf continuation August 2011 to September 2013

It's amazing...15 months of HRT... #MyTransition

Notice

I am not going to be able to Post tomorrow so the next time will be on Monday again. I know it sucks but there is nothing I can do about it. Rather safe than sorry. Right.

Nothing Like

There is nothing like  bit of good music to get you out of a Fug. Sometimes you just forget about the good tunes. Well I got them going so for the moment it will all be ok. Don't even ask what music I am into since it varies a hell of a lot. I wouldn't be able to list all the bands and musicians I like. Well thats not a big deal right.

The Closet

Not much has changed since yesterday in regard to the whole Transition thing. It will take awhile before I can possibly think about such things for the moment I just want to be. Want to be without the Heartache that goes with being stuck in The Closet. There is stuff that just creeps up on you most of the time and they are unexpected but for the moment I will be happy just to let go and whatever happens happens. I don't know if this is making any sense at the moment. I am trying to say something I am just not sure it's coming out all right? Well lets try one more time. Being in the closet is enough to make you depressed what with all the stuff you cant do and fantasize about . You just need a break from everything every now and then otherwise it becomes too much. There I got it this time. Lol

Ok

So today was not a super lazy day today Managed to do all the stuff I needed to do plus more. So I am all caught up with all the stuff. Well I am glad for that all though it is one of those things that keeps coming around and I will have to do the stuff again and again etc. So there is no escaping stuff that needs to be done. I would laugh but it would hurt to laugh.

My Transition

Male to female transition update video

Express

I think the thing that bugs me the most is that I can not express myself as I truly am. I don't have the space to do so. I think that for everyone its important to have the space to express yourself as you truly are. Even more important than that is to be affirmed and accepted for who you really are once you have begun to express yourself. I know that all of this is self explanatory. Yet for some one who is not able to do such it is a huge burden to carry around. It is one of the main factors in my Depression. So for all of those who can remember all of us who can't.

Again

I was thinking today about Transitioning and all that comes with it. I think that there are times when it really becomes meaningless to me since it really is speaking about something that has never happened to me. It can also be a bit of a bummer speaking about the same thing over and over and for it yet to happen or even worse for it never to happen at all. So what I am saying is that there are times I just get sick of the term Transitioning and also having to watch others go through the process. It really loses its meaning for me at the best of times. I have been in the Closet for a very long time and will be for an even longer time. So you will have to excuse me if I get down in the dumps about it from time to time. Or maybe for long periods as well.

Yet Another

Today has been a really super lazy day since I spent most of the time sleeping. I was supposed to do some stuff but I put it off to tomorrow. Yeah I am procrastinating Again. I do it quite well. You should hear the arguments for putting things off. Lol. I know its sad but what can you do.

Perfect At Home Manicure Tutorial

I Saw

There was this tall slim girl walking along side the road with long dark brown hair. I was thinking How lucky some people have it. Without realizing it. What is worse is that they might even have issues with the re look body type etc. Well I know that most people are unhappy about something about their body. It goes without saying. Where someone like us would just wish to look like some one like this girl. Strange isn't.

Different

So I am back from My Therapy Session. Today's one was eye opening. I won't say I had a breakthrough but I definitely saw things in a different light. It was all about projection. Sorry I can't say much more than that. I certainly have a lot to think about. Ok, I will say this its about how the past influences me now. That's about as much as I can give away. I haven't seen so many things in the same light as I did before. It certainly does make more sens once you see things in a specific way.

When someone throws the tranny word into an argument

Today

So I slept quite a bit today which is a new thing. I have decide that Mondays are Me days where I get too lay about for most of the day. I did however do some laundry so the day was or is not a complete bust all together. I am one of those routine kinda Girls that needs a bit of structure in my life. No it does not have to be all things just the main things the rest is left to chance. Well to when I want to do things. I know this is super interesting. Lol

Can't Wait

I get to see my Therapist tomorrow which I haven't seen for two weeks now. So that is something to look forward to. Well at least it's for me. Then I get to go over all my Trans issues that I have had for the last two weeks. Which thinking about it makes me sad. Since I haven't been able to talk to anyone these last two weeks. I really can'rt imagine what it would be like not to have the sessions. Which I think there is a possibility for it to happen next year but lets focus on this year which is still around. So coll Therapist tomorrow also I get My Monthly Meds as well as seeing My Psychiatrist which happens once a month really to check up how the Meds are doing and how I am coping on the Meds. Remember I am supposed to be depressed which I am so that's why I see the Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist knows nothing about me being Trans its only the Psychologist that does.

Monday

Yes it is. I think this week I am not going to be able to post on Friday as far as I know. anyway it's Monday today and I can today. Lets make the most of each day I say. Well I say that today at least. Weekend wasn't too bad ran around a couple of Malls. One in particular one I went to is very far away in a neighborhood that I like. It's quite different to where I live. So it makes for a change. It's almost like having a Holiday going there . Well it is at least for me. So that's one thing I enjoyed at least this past weekend. Plus I don't get to go there very often and so it makes for a change at least.

Makeup for Glasses!! - My Glasses Collection

Don't Forget

Don't forget that I cant Blog on the weekends and will be back on Monday as per usual.

Patience

I really don't know if this is something that can be developed being in the Closet with no possible way of Coming Out. It's not like you have a choice. It would be different if you had a date you would set for yourself and then have the Patience to wait until everything is in Place. For me it's more like Perseverance with a capital P. Torture would be another word you could use also with a capital T. I suppose there are many words but the reality is one that obvious is a painful reminder especially when watching other peoples  Vlogs about Coming Out. Like we really need to be reminded. Well we can be happy for those that are able to come out even though it's hard. Bloody Hard.

Damn

Well I have to say and I did not expect it to happen. Well I suppose that I had an inkling. They extracted My Tooth. Not to worry it is well was one of my Wisdom tooth top left. They say the tooth was moving around and was infected so it had to com out. Not because it was infected because it was loose. So for the moment I am on pain Meds. Well thank goodness for them.

10 Little Secrets

I Was

At one stage I was even thinking of starting a You Tube Vlog Channel where I disguise myself and my voice. So I tried to record a Vlog just to see how it would go down. But I have to say I was really rubbish at it. I just could not get it together so that is that. So much for starting a Vlog Channel. I think I will just stick to the Blog. Seeing that I am a whole lot better at this than trying to Vlog. Lol

I Don't Know

Why do people have to resort to weird things for shock value. It seems that lot of kids are into it now a days. I don't really want to mention exactly what I am talking about since I don't want to lend credence to the stuff they are up to. But still it is beyond me why they do it.

Super

So another super Lazy day. Slept most of the time. Had some awesome dreams just cant remember them. lol. Isn't amazing how you can remember them when you wake up and later they are all gone. For me it's always that My dream ends or I wake up just as things are starting to get interesting. I have some dreams that just keep repeating themselves over an over well not the exact Dreams but similar themes. I have two themes that keep repeating themselves. I am not going to tell you them since I don't want you psychoanalyzing me. lol. No sorry I won't.

Be Yourself Project: Keira

Today

Yes its one of those slow days today with not much happening. (Besides my Bloody Tooth) Really don't have much to say. Sorry about that. It's just one of those things.

I Did

I went to gym today. There was this Girl that was really slim and small boobs. Anyway very supple. I was kinda jealous for that the type of body I wish I had. She was of average height. Not too tall and not too short. Well I suppose we can all dream can't we. Some people just don't realize how lucky they are and more than likely have issues with there body. Which just goes to show that we just can't win can we.

Aaaaahhh

My Tooth is driving me crazy. It hurts when I eat even if I do chew on the opposite side. I know you really need to know this. I can't wait to go to the Doctor. I need to have this gone.

"Naked Face" Neutral Makeup

Falling Behind

I know this sounds strange but I feel that I am lagging in my progression in as far as my moving ahead as a Closeted T Girl. Even though I am closeted my progression has not come to a direct halt. I do however feel like I have Matured quite a bit in relation to that. I am probably just a bit impatient. Yeah maybe that is it. Just thinking out loud here. lol. You know what I mean. Anyway I certainly have changed my way of thinking about a lot of things and I am not so whimsical as I used to be. I am a lot more practical now. I will explain this at a later stage. Well if I remember to. lol

Again

I slept quite a bit today again. Which is becoming a habit since I am really depressed at the moment besides all the other things going on. I feel like I have hit a brick wall and am not able to get around it at all. Almost like a car when it runs out of gas. I was watching this one Vlog yesterday where the T Girl was explaining that she wont be updating that much anymore and will be moving on. What she was saying that she has reached the point where she just needs to move on. Not to say that I feel like that. I am just not getting the message. What ever that's supposed to be. I have got to some point and cant work out what it is. lol

Doing

I finally plucked up the courage and called up a Dentist and have made an appointment for Friday. Which is a good thing. Since my Tooth is still sensitive and hurts when I chew on it. Nothing like a bit of TMI (Too Much Information) Nah you guys don't mind do you? lol. The Dentist I chose is a woman which is important to me since I don't really trust the men since they can be a bit like Cowboys. Who knows this Dr might prove me wrong.